Love letters establish compatibility in marriage

(Part 2 of a series on How to write love letters)

Several readers were stirred by my recent column “How to Write Love Letters.” Among them was Elon Sison, 93-year-old widow from New Jersey: “You write here something very close to my heart. Like you and Max, I and my dear beloved Doming wrote love letters to each other, even after we were married. He also passed on to the Great Divine in June 2000 but every once in a while, when I am missing him very badly, I bring out his letters to read again. Precious, isn’t it a pity that letter writing has become a lost art?”

This substantiates Ingoldsby North’s Book of Love Letters, which pays a great deal of attention to the fact that letters are the key to establishing compatibility before marriage.

Love at first sight letters

Below are examples of “openers”:

Sample 1: You might think it is extraordinary to receive a letter from someone you’ve never even met. But please keep reading, even if you decide to refuse my request. I’ve only ever glimpsed you when we board the LRT every morning, but I feel that were we to meet properly, you’d be very important to me. You are already – more than I can say. I picture your face everywhere – imprinted before I sleep, upon waking up, on rainy streets, suspended in leaves of trees. I always thought that “love at first sight” was a cliché or a lie. Now, I know I was wrong. I think I am in love with you. It happened the first moment I saw you.

Sample 2: I don’t know any mutual friends or colleagues who could introduce us. I did not want to alarm you by approaching you in person. Also, I can’t trust myself not to say the wrong thing.

So this letter seems the right thing to do – to be courteous, to make sure that you don’t think that I’m crazy. I am not – except in that other sense that exists only in song lyrics: “I’m crazy about you.”

Sample 3: I hope that I haven’t offended or frightened you. That’s the last thing I want. If you have no desire to meet me, then you can depend upon it that I won’t intrude any further into your life.

There’s no need even to reply to this letter. Just come if you feel you can. If not, I’ll understand completely. I won’t be any less interested, so if at any time later you would like to contact me, my address is here – and I am here for you.

How to resume writing after a long silence

Here are some lines you can use when you have not communicated for a long period:

Forgive me for not writing to you before. It’s just that when I met you, a kind of silence fell on me – the silence that comes one minute before the curtain goes up, the silence between the lightning and thunder. Are you feeling something similar?

If your letter is emailed, why not try these one-liners: I know you’ve been waiting for this, but believe me. I’ve been buried too (under so much work)… I know you’re busy but could we juggle another series of letters with each other?... If you can spare a moment after so long, I’d like to bounce a few ideas off to you… With your direction and support we can turn this around… I think you misunderstood me. I said I’d like to seal “the deal”… I’ve put my finger on the problem that is I failed to consistently correspond with you. Sorry it won’t happen again!… I’ve decided to take some time off. Watch for my return… If you are wondering why the long silence, it’s because we transferred residence. Here’s our new location…

The mysterious admirer

This type of letter requires certain preparations in advance. It’s now been more than a year since I first saw you, and knew from that moment that my life was in your hands. I never heard or saw your name without a shiver – half of delight, half of terror. I was the one who rang you and played Unchained Melody down the telephone line. I sent you the hand-made Valentine card.

If you have any curiosity to find out who I am, I’ll be at Bon Appetit (at Rustan’s Makati) by 12 noon. I shall be sitting by the salad bar, reading the Philippine STAR’s Starweek Magazine. I am the tall, dark fellow with the twinkling eyes. You’ve seen me before, though you may not remember.

You’ll probably think that this letter is outrageous, that my imagination is out of control and this proposition is out of this world. But at least come and see me. Give this mystery a chance to become a revelation. Something tells me you won’t be disappointed.

Your no-longer-to-be-secret admirer…

A prayer for indulgence

I came, I saw and I was conquered. No one ever had more to say to someone, and no one has ever been less able to say it. I went to church, where other people go to save their souls, and I, instead, lost mine to you. While you were singing the Papuri sa Diyos, I was speechless. You knelt, rose, sat, smiled, as if everything were natural. Meanwhile I was in torment, in ecstasy, in love.

While I watched you, I forgot all the first Ten Commandments, but I found an 11th in my head. That you and I shall love each other, only each other always. While the choir was singing the Recessional, I was hearing in my head those words from the Song of Solomon: “Behold thou art fair my Love, behold though art fair… Thou had ravished my Heart… Set me as Seal upon thy Heart and as a Seal upon thy Arm, for Love is as strong as Death…”

My thoughts during the mass were wholly taken up with you. I’ve already installed you in your own personal shrine in my heart, where I worship you by the hour – for these sweet sins, I shall require both your mercy and the forgiveness of Heaven.

Reproaching one’s love

you rarely make time to see me and when you do, it’s only to tease and play with my feelings. I’ve made it my business to please you, to love you, to help you. If having a joke at my expense is one more service I can add to this list, then by all means go ahead. But please understand that while this may be a little thing to you, it is a big thing to me.

In Russia, Catherine the Great showed a lusty approach to sexual politics that a monument to her and her five lovers stand at the center of St. Petersburg. Later, Alexander Pushkin pursued his wife (and other people’s wife) with both ardor and humor. Below are lines from Alexander Pushkin to Anna Petrovna Kern.

“…Shall I see you again? The idea that I shall not, makes me shudder. You will tell me: ‘Console yourself.’ Very well. But how? Fall in Love? Impossible. First, I would have to forget your twitches. Go abroad? Strangle myself? Get married? All these things present great difficulties; I am loath to do any of them…”

From jealous lover

When you told me you were suddenly going on a business trip to Baguio, my heart sank. We both know that your friend B lives there. Forgive my fear. Forgive me for wishing that you were less charming, less attractive. I’m convinced that everyone finds you as irresistible as I do. I know what it is to feel the warmth of your smile, and I can’t be surprised when others want to bask in that beautiful sunshine.

Even though I’m in love, I’ve not lost the use of my senses. It’s certainly come to my ears that there was something going on between you and B. I want so much to trust you, but after last week, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I’m not usually jealous, but, when I saw you with B, I knew that you were more than just old friends. I would have to be blind, or less in love with you, not to notice your long and very private conversation. I felt suddenly shut out. I ought to be the closest person in the world to you.

You let B flirt with you, when only I am entitled to look at you and laugh with you in that special way. Worse still, instead of being shocked by B’s behavior, you actually seemed to enjoy it. While I write this, my heart is breaking for love of you, but I couldn’t bear to be deceived by the person on whom all my happiness is centered. I feel terrible! I feel something breaking inside me, too deep for tears. I can’t bear to think of B’s shadow falling between your lips and mine.

A plea for forgiveness

A confession from a penitent lover: I can’t let a minute go past without thinking of you, painful as that is, under circumstances – circumstances that I’ve made myself, through my own stupidity.

I write to you because I want to tell you everything. You deserve complete honesty. I can’t hide anything from you any more than I can hide it from my own conscience. Yes, I was unfaithful, but it was momentary, drunken and ridiculous. Please believe me! How could I’ve wasted my tremendous love for you on such a person, whose intellect is nowhere near yours, and whose reputation is from hell?

I’ve put one hundred miles and one hundred years between B and me. I’ve been an idiot!

All’s well that ends well

Thank you for your letter. Apart from the pain of separation, what you said hasn’t hurt me. It was a small matter and it is already forgotten. There’s nothing to forgive. All that happened is that we both said and did stupid things. There’s no reason to turn off the starts, dismantle the moon or put out the sun, which is what life would be like if you were to be taken away from me.

The best thing about a misunderstanding is the making-up. Come round as soon as you can, and let us make it up to each other with interest. (I’ve heard rates are very high these days!)

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