Filipino child-rearing practices delay maturity

(Part II – Cultural Expectations of a Filipino Baby’s Birth)

How much help and direction do Filipino children get from birth? Do they get adequate attention or are they cared for much beyond the requirement of simple survival?

Child care in Jamaica, China, Africa

Societies differ in who cares for the child and what feelings are involved for the care-giver and the child himself, according to the study of George Guthrie and Pepita J. Jacobs. In Jamaica where mothers usually work in nightclubs, daughters are valued more than sons. However, child-rearing is often left to grandmothers, who are associated with family land and inheritance. In this society children are “women’s business.”

In contrast with the maternally-oriented society of Jamaica were Chinese families before the Communist takeover. The father-son role is the basic relationship. The father must raise his son in the tradition of his ancestors to perform his duties properly in both the material and spiritual world. The son must honor and obey his father. After his death, he must carry on the same ritual with his own son. The Chinese mother-son relationship has less authority (Hsu, 1948).

Studied by the Levines (1963), the Gusii tribe of Kenya, Africa considers the infant as fragile and susceptible to evil influences. After his infantile needs are satisfied, the child is viewed to be capable of being trained. He is ordered about and punished by anyone older than he. In later childhood, he is treated as a lowly servant. He is forced into adulthood through heavy duties and punishment. Thus, the Gusii parents feel that severity induces a faster transition to maturation.

The western psychology

of independence

European and American mothers encourage their children to be self-reliant and assertive. Past the toddler stage, the earlier habits of receiving help in feeding, cleaning and playing are broken to give way to the child’s helping himself.

American mothers find themselves juggling house cleaning, marketing, cooking and seeing off husband and older children to work so that the young child learns early to dress and eat by himself. Lunch is a simple soup-and-sandwich affair. Early in the evening, mother prepares the complete hot family supper for everyone.

Conditioned to help oneself and to help mother in the household, Western children are encouraged to accept responsibilities, learn to make decisions and accept the consequences of their good or bad behavior.

The Filipino concept

of independence

The Filipino child from birth constantly receives attention and help not only from parents, but from two sets of relatives, from his father’s and mother’s sides. The whole neighborhood also contributes to the attention. This large kinship has conditioned the child to leisurely grow up. Often, the child would seek help and care in activities he could already carry out himself.

This was the prevalent development pattern of child–adult relationships in the Philippines between the fifties to the sixties. It was even mislabeled as “closeness, cooperation, respect and duty” for adults. Guthrie and Jacobs observed, “The Philippines’ ideal is not self-sufficiency and independence, but rather family sufficiency and a refined sense of reciprocity.” This eventually leads to nepotism in business, padrino system and political dynasties.

The Filipino child is not encouraged right away to become independent until he reaches school age. When the public school system was established by the Americans for Filipinos, seven years old was considered the school age when the child officially entered Grade 1. The 1935 Philippine Constitution reconfirmed this. From the sixties up to the present, private kindergarten schools for the four- to five-year-old became popular. Towards the seventies, mothers in provincial towns who used to be fulltime housewives went to work or became overseas workers. Public school principals were pressured to set up, even unofficially, preschool classes (During DECS Secretary Armand Fabella’s term, these preschool began to be officially recognized after the EDCOM national survey of schools). It was only last year when preschooling became part of the Philippine educational ladder. In spite of a strong national clamor, it took Congress two and a half decade to legislate the Early Childhood Education (ECE) Act.

When the child

comes home crying…

Very few mothers ignore a child’s cry. Women can even identify a variety of cries specially coming from infants. The latter stops readily with soothing words, offers of toys or food, or carrying or cuddling, referred to as “karga” in Tagalog.

When the child gets into quarrel between the ages of four to eight, especially with the neighbors’ children, mothers hold a minor court of inquiry: “Who was at fault? Why? When? Where?...” Punishment is meted right away. At fault or not, he receives advise. “God loves good children… Stay home and don’t play anymore with the neighbors.” Guthrie observed, “The child is expected to accept reprimands without murmur.” The child comes to see the parental monologue as the expression of parent’s love and concern. He is not permitted to express resentment.

Consequently, the Filipino child develops the habit of “sumbong,” that is, to run home and squeal to his parents all the faults of the next door offender. On the other hand, the American child is usually told by his parents not to tell on his friends. Instead, he is firmly directed to go back and settle his own quarrels like any other incidents with his gang mates. American parents would avoid extending the fight up to the parental level.

Relationship with older children

The “kuya” or “ate” system is the accepted relationship among the siblings in a Filipino family. This is especially common in the countryside, when the oldest girl in a large family has to stay home and baby sit. Thus, making her drop out or fail in class. When the oldest child looks after the younger ones and vice-versa, peer relationships fail to emerge. The independence of children is further delayed by this. The cut-off age for independence in dressing alone, bathing oneself, and generally contributing to household care is undefined.

Parents approve of “play” for it expresses childhood. Usually games are conducted by older siblings. Sometimes, parents may join the dollhouse play (bahay-bahayan), store-keeping (tinda-tindahan), or cooking (lutu-lutuan). Western children have to share in real household chores, and quick and numbered trips to the supermarket due to the realities of life.

‘Tampo’ or hurt feelings

One strong expression of feelings is termed “tampo” or to feel hurt or offended. Perceived injustice or unfairness gives rise to sulking or wheedling. “You never know when she’ll get that way, but usually it is when she doesn’t get what she wants or when she is yelled at.”

Western parents would hire baby sitters if they have to go out to parties. Filipino parents have ambivalent feelings about leaving their children with relatives at home. Sensing this, children play on the parents’ uncertainty. In turn, mothers “bribe” them or sneak out. In avoiding an outright denial of the child’s wish, there is little attempt to make the child accept that fact that mother must sometimes leave, and even let the child cry, expecting that sooner or later he will get over it.

Oftentimes, Filipino gradeschoolers are observed to be shy and silent compared to children in Western countries. During the first six years, the Filipino children are like any other children of the world — talkative and spontaneous. The family encourages his being expressive in family circles, but discourages this in the presence of visitors. Surveys show that the child’s alert talk is indicative of a bright (listo) child. It is also a good reflection on the parent.

Little value attached to early

development of independence

According to the German philosopher, Goethe, man’s development requires liberty ­— “not in doing what one pleases and what circumstances invite him to — but in being able without hindrance or restraint, to do in the direct way what was right and proper.”

This contradicts the traditional concept of blind obedience to adults. The Guthrie-Jacobs study concluded there appeared to be little value attached to early development of independence. As long as the family situation permitted someone else to minister to his needs, a child had plenty of time to learn. The emphasis was not on his assuming responsibility for himself, it was on his assuming responsibility for others in the family according to his age and abilities. It was understood that he will not bother others for most of the things he can do himself.

The Filipino adults must seek to understand their children better. Demanding blind obedience, resorting to extremes of punishment or bribery deprive him of the right to think for himself, and the chance to be responsible.