When P-Noy spent 13 hours condoling with the families of the fallen PNP SAF policemen, it was fitting that he decided to do so privately behind closed doors. It was also good that he met each family separately to listen to them and not as a single group.
It was noticeable that during the meetings with the families by P-Noy and DILG Secretary Roxas, there were very emotional outbursts and both government officials had to admit that they could not find satisfactory answers to console the grieving families.
I once read a book on grief and condolences, “The Art of Condolence” by Dr. Leonard M. Zunin and Hilary Stanton Zunin, which I always remember when I go to wakes especially for those where the loss is sudden or the result of a violent act. In the opening chapter it says that to condole means to express sympathy or sorrow. Also, it speaks of what then happens when your sincere and condoling actions seem to go unappreciated.
The authors of the book wrote: “So often we have spoken with people who have reached out in compassion only to feel that they and their efforts were not appropriately acknowledged. This lack of positive response from those in grief is frequently misunderstood.
We think they don’t value our help and as a result, we sometimes pull away. But in the course of caring interactions, the benefit of someone’s helping is often not appreciated in the moment it occurs.
If you expect gratitude for your condoling efforts, then re-evaluate your motives. First, those in deep emotional pain are typically preoccupied, if not obsessed, with their problems. The focus of the bereaved is on the loss of their loved one, not on you, and this yearning for the absent person engulfs them. The newly bereaved have little room for gratitude. Often, however, you will find an unexpected sense of gratitude rising within you, the condoler. When another’s suffering opens a new door into your heart, how can you not feel gratitude for the experience of being put in touch with a deeper part of yourself.”
There will come a time when those who are creating such a media frenzy about this incident will move on to other topics. There will be other political scandals, traffic debacles, or the twists and turns of the next Pacquiao fight. It is, therefore, so important that the government should be specific about the particular support that has been committed to each family. After all, the families of the slain PNP SAF are entitled to lifetime support.
I know that P-Noy and this government are sincere in their pledge for specific support. But the assistance needed by these families will extend beyond one presidential term. For example, the widow of one personnel is a registered nurse and is six months pregnant. The young widow has been promised employment as a civilian nurse at the Camp Navarro Hospital in Zamboanga City. She has also been told she can avail of one of the NHA housing projects in Zamboanga City, and that her unborn child will be covered by the NAPOLCOM Scholarship Program which provides scholarships up to the college level.
It is good that all these specific pledges have been properly documented. Finally, it is also important to remember that the widows and families of these PNP SAF martyrs hold strong convictions that their men died in defense of their own country, and in defense of their own values of right and wrong. They want their children to believe that as well. The highest officials of their service and country must continue to reassure them that their country will always remember and honor the noble deed their men died for.
To the 44 PNP SAF men who died in combat, the nation salutes you.
Voices of sobriety
Congressman Rodolfo Biazon was formerly AFP Chief of Staff and a veteran of the the Mindanao conflicts. He has recently said that there are certain provisions in the Bangsamoro Basic Law (BBL) that needs to be reviewed. However, in a recent television interview, he also called the BBL as the last chance for peace in Mindanao.
Former Supreme Court Chief Justice Panganiban has said that the government should be prepared to amend the Constitution in order to ensure the passage of the BBL, also calling it as the best path to peace.
The clash in Mamasapano is a tragedy that will forever be remembered among the many stories of gallantry in Mindanao. It is important to remember that during the Marcos years, there was all out war for eight years. During that period, 10,000-11,000 Filipino soldiers died in Mindanao. But during that same period, more than 100,000 Filipino Muslim, both fighters and civilians, died in the conflict zones. More than one million Muslim civilians were displaced.
Today, terrorism has become international and more intense. If there is an all out war, we will witness the killings, not only in the jungles and mountains of Mindanao, but also in the cities including Metro Manila. Former President Fidel Ramos, the founder of PNP SAF, said it most graphically when he remarked that those who advocate all out war “should be deported to North Korea and Siberia.”
After a history of 450 years of Christian-Muslim conflicts in the Philippines, the Bangsamoro Basic Law presents a last chance for peace in our generation.
* * *
WRITING CLASSES
?1. Writing class for kids and teens: Writing class with author of “Before Ever After,” a New York Times best seller, Samantha Sotto on Feb. 21 (Sat, 1 p.m.-2:30 p.m.) at Fully Booked Alabang Town Center.
?2. Writing workshop for adults: Finding Your Voice, Leaving a Legacy with Babeth Lolarga on Feb. 22 (Sunday, 1-5 p.m.) at Fully Booked Bonifacio High Street.
3. Young writers Saturday: Sessions continue weekly from 1-2:30 p.m.
Call 0917-6240196 / email writethingsph@gmail.com for further details.
* * *
Email: elfrencruz@gmail.com