If you want to solve a complex problem or a complicated situation one of the best ways is by stepping away from it. Some call it distancing or creating perspective.
Whether you want to analyze a crisis or simply critique a piece of work, the mere act of putting it on the board, on an easel or on the table rather than in your head immediately releases pressure and creates a different view as well as possibility.
Unfortunately there are times when we can use every trick in the book to be detached or distance ourselves from situations, but nothing still makes sense and the answers still don’t come.
How does one distance themselves from the reality of life long mistakes that now come to collect, or punish you? How does one attempt to detach themselves from poverty, financial lack or emotional trauma that is as real as an ugly birthmark?
How much more perspective do you need if you know that you or someone you really love is about to die from an incurable form of cancer. How can you be a “Christian” or a human being and distance yourself from the pain and the frustration of disease and unanswered prayer?
And then, what do you do when you realize that perspective, prayer; even faith seems to fail in the face and the reality of death?
Some simply fold their cards, others go into denial, while the rest of us “break the glass” in an emotional emergency and use coping mechanisms. Some cry, others get drunk, some move on in stoic silence and surrender. Today I realized that I often get mad, get angry and eventually break down in tears.
For two years, a friend and our beloved Pastor’s wife Maileen Salas Hern has battled a very destructive form of cancer. For two years many church members of Every Nation/Victory Christian Fellowship have held hands and knelt praying for healing and a miracle.
During most of that time, Pastor Robert and Maileen bravely fought the battle privately. They chose to bear their burden quietly even as they cared for others. In that long painful period Maileen and Robert eventually became the perfect example of faithfulness, love and dignity.
Had Robert and Maileen been Marines, I have no doubt that they would receive medals for Honor and for Courage.
I personally would someday want to have the privilege of writing how they managed to maintain control and perspective because I certainly lost some of it this week.
While Maileen was being laid to rest in Subic, I was back home losing my temper and being angry at “things”. I was angry about certain situations and yet at the same time making lists of things to do. Through all that time, I was wondering who would be at the funeral, how would Robert and his daughters be?
I was angry that I could not be the friend I wanted to be, I was annoyed that we didn’t even get a chance to visit Maileen because we needed to respect their privacy and the little time they had together. I was angry for not being able to attend the funeral in Subic. I was angry about being angry. I was angry that prayers did not overcome.
By the time I made it to Sunday church service, all the anger had been replaced by guilt. What right did I have to be there and did I even want to be there? Amazingly Church was the only place I would be getting the answers and the answer would come not only from the preaching but a “twitter” message that Maileen wrote.
After announcing, Maileen’s untimely demise, Pastor Joey Bonifacio squarely and honestly addressed what many of us may have been dealing with or feeling about our collective loss. There was no denial about pain, defeat, and our faith being shaken or even about unanswered prayers.
He made no effort to rationalize, justify or defend how God designs things and makes the calls. That is why we call him God and that is why we live by faith. I’m sure you have heard enough reasons and quotes in your life especially about why the good die young. But what Pastor Joey shared was a perspective and a distance no blackboard or distance could create.
We need faith because we don’t have the capacity to comprehend the perspective of God who views things from the universe. But even better than a galactic or God perspective, Maileen Hern left this message:
“There are things I don’t understand. Questions I want to raise. But I should know my place & praise YOU instead.”
Maileen Salas Hern (March 23,1972 – July 12, 2010)
‘But I should know my place’
That perhaps is one struggle we need to dedicate more effort to. Logic cannot defy an incurable disease no more than being an intelligent animal entitles us to answers from God.
We all have a purpose in each other’s life and I am certain that Maileen has served hers in many ways, in many lives. By knowing her place she served her purpose. By writing her thoughts she has reminded me and many others that in order to be used by God, “I should know my place”.