(Part II of a series on Tough times never last but tough people do)
In my last article I wrote about the tough times my mother-in-law, Pelagia Soliven, endured when she was widowed at the age of 35. During the evening mass for the wake of Mama Soliven last October 16, 1991 my brother-in- law, Willie, who is the second of nine children gave a very beautiful response:
They say that the passing of someone who has lived to a ripe old age is less painful than someone who has been taken at the prime of life... One of our earliest memories was the soft clatter of her sewing machine lulling us to sleep late at night and waking us again at dawn as she struggled to earn a living so we could have food on the table and books to read.
Another memory was that of all nine of us kneeling together with Mama, every evening to say the rosary, before an image of the Sacred Heart. Behind it Mama had hung all the ribbons and medals we each had won in school and competitions. They were each a reminder that, after all, every triumph or success should be -- ALL FOR THE GREATER GLORY OF GOD! AD MAJOREM DEI GLORIAM!
Usually acknowledged as "Mr. Success", Rev. Robert Schuller, pastor of the $20-million Crystal Cathedral and head of a national television ministry broadcasting on 169 television stations every week, recalled the harsh summer of 1982 when company after company declared bankruptcy. Unemployment soared. With 500 people on the cathedral and television payroll, they were operating on a budget of over $20 million a year. The cost of operations continued to increase dramatically. Like the rest of America, they too were faced with tough economic times.
This tragic situation still existed when he lectured in the farming enterprises of the Midwest states of Iowa, Michigan, Illinois, and Minnesota. Facing 3,500 farmers whose business were going bankrupt, he decided to share with them how he handled tough times in life as a farm boy in Iowa. He also looked at this opportunity to touch base with some of the people that came from the same soil he left 40 years before.
He grew up in a small, typical Midwestern farm. His dad lost his parents as a teenager so he was forced to drop out of school in the sixth grade to find the only job he could -- a hired hand for the local farmers. He was able to save money to purchase a 160-acre farm. Unfortunately he bought it when farm prices were at their peak.
Robert Schuller was three years old when the Great Depression hit. His father was one of those tough, tenacious farmers. He could never forget the times when they did not have money to buy coal. They were so impoverished that they had to use corncobs to heat their home from the freezing death in subzero winters.
He wondered how his father dared to risk throwing seed in the ground where it might rot and die, when he could safely bring it to town and convert it to cash. "Why take a chance. Why don't you play it safe and sell it?" His father taught him wisely "People who never take a chance, never get ahead."
He was also reminded about the struggles he had to start a church with only $500, in a strange state without friends, contacts, property, or community support. Then there was his wife's bout with cancer. The near-loss of his daughter's life in a motorcycle accident and how they have tried to help her accommodate effectively to life as a young teenager with a disfigured, left stump of a leg.
With God all things are possible!
For four years, Dr. Schuller and his wife watched their daughter, Carol, move on from a hospital bed to the ski slopes. When he arrived from Korea to Carol's bedside in Sioux City, Iowa, he was shocked. She lay in her bed in intensive care. "Her body was bruised, broken and disfigured. But her spirits were whole and healthy."
On his long trip back, he searched for an opening line. Carol solved the problem by speaking first: I know why it happened, Dad. God wants to use me to help others who have been hurt."
Dr. Schuller knew that it was this spirit, this positive attitude, that carried Carol through seven months of hospitalization, intravenous feedings and consequent collapsed veins. Carol made that transition from a hospital patient to a "handicapped" member of a family and school. It helped her feel normal and whole again. She refused to allow the inconvenience of an artificial limb to keep her from pursuing the active life she loved, including softball. "The athlete of the family, Carol loves to play softball."
"Dad, I'm going to sign up for softball again. Carol's artificial leg was attached just below the knee. She was plagued by a stiff knee. Running was out of the question. "Carol how do you expect to play ball if you can't run?" With flashing eyes, Carol snapped back at him, "I've got that all figured out, Dad! When you hit home runs you don't have to run." His daughter is tough. She's a survivor. She hit enough home runs season to justify her presence on the team.
"It is not how you walk but....."
One summer the Schuller family were privileged to be the guest on a one-week cruise of the Hawaiian Islands. On this cruise, it was customary on the last night to have a talent show in which the passengers participate. Carol, then 17, once again surprised her parents by saying I'm going to be in the talent show tonight."
Carol is not in the least ashamed to be seen in shorts or swimming attire, but she is very conscious of the fact that people look at her out of the corners of their eyes. On the night of the talent show, both Dr. Schuller and his wife sat in the lounge with 600 people. The acts performed that night were typical of amateur talent shows. Then came Carol's turn.
She came on stage wearing neither shorts nor Hawaiian garb, but a full length dress. "I really don't know what my talent is, but I thought this would be a good chance for me to give what I think I owe you all -- an explanation. I know you've been looking at me all week, wondering about my fake leg. I thought I should tell you what happened. I was in a motorcycle accident ... They amputated my leg... I spent seven months in the hospital..."
She paused and continued. "If I've one talent, it is this: I can tell you that during that time my faith became very real to me."
A hush swept over the lounge. The waitresses stopped serving drinks. Every eye was focused on this tall, 17-year old blonde. She said: "I look at you girls who walk without a limp, and I wish I could walk that way. This is what I have learned -- It is not how you walk that counts, but who walks with you and who you walk with. Thank you."
There was not a dry eye, not a life that wasn't touched that night. Tough people know that with men it may appear impossible, but with God all things are possible!
Your life can also be the portrait of a survivor like Carol Schuller. First you have to put your problems in proper perspective. Sure you have problems. They may be the worst you have ever faced. But chances are, they are not the worst thing that could possibly have happened. No matter how bad it is, it could always be worse. Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. Everybody has problems. No life is problem-free.
Every living human being has problems. Most people who have jobs complain about the fact that they have to go to work on Monday mornings. Countless people have jobs they don't like. They are giving five days a week to unhappiness. They work to live rather than live to work. Once they are at work they devote a great deal of time to negative thoughts. They focus on the unenjoyable aspects of their jobs.
So you want to be the boss? Some people think that their problems stem from the fact that they have to report to a boss. They falsely assume that they would be happy if they could be self-employed. Its true that they might find enjoyment in such a working arrangement, but many self-employed people have more problems than those who work for others. They have to be concerned about employee relationships and managing personnel for maximum productivity. Everybody's got problems -- the employer as well as the employee.
What about retirement? People long to reach 65, planning for the day they can lie in the sun, take each day as it comes. But retired people also have their problems. Many are bored. Not a few become very depressed soon after retiring. They no longer feel productive or useful. Many actually wish they could be back at work.
Every problem has a limited life span. Life has its ups and downs, it peaks and its valleys. No one is up all the time, nor are they down all the time. Problems do end. They go away. They are all resolved in time.
Every problem holds positive possibilities. Every problem contains secret ingredients of some creative potential either for yourself or someone else. There are two sides of every coin. What may be a problem to someone can be a profitable business for others.
For instance, rats and mice are plagues to the human world. However, the presence of rats and mice in America alone results in tens of millions of dollars in their economy. Rats and mice are responsible for thousands of jobs! Factories make mousetraps. Families are supported from income of exterminators of such pests.
One man's problem is another man's opportunity. Consequently, hospital exists because people are sick. Lawyers are in business because people violate laws in a moment of weakness or ignorance. Mortuaries, cemeteries, colleges, churches, and universities all exist for the purpose of helping people through their problem times.
You can choose what your problem will do to you. You may not be able to control the times, but you can turn your pain into profanity -- or into poetry. The choice is up to you. You may not have chosen your tough time, but you can choose how you will react to it. When you control your reaction to the seemingly uncontrollable problems of life, then in fact you do control the problem's effect on you. Your reaction to the problem is the last word! That's the bottom line.
What will you let this problem do to you? It can make you better or bitter. It all depends on you.
There is a negative and a positive reaction to every problem. In the final analysis the tough people who survive the tough times do so because they've chosen to react positively to their predicament. This is not always as easy as it sounds.
For example, stealing money in order to pay your bills is a negative solution (a) because it will generate a whole new set of problems, (b) fill you with the fear of exposure and detection, (c) haunt you with shame and rob you of your self-dignity, and (d) lower the collective self-esteem of the human family.
The positive solution to a problem may require courage to initiate it. It takes courage to face up to your creditors and to deal with them honestly and forthrightly. If they insist on pressing for payment and refuse to give time for you to resolve your position more favorably, then choose the legal and honorable route of filing for bankruptcy. This will provide the breathing space to work out your solutions without committing a crime.
Tough people stick it out. They have learned to choose the most positive reaction in managing problems. And that's the real key: "managing problems".
We all know what it means to be burned out. There are people who get burned out professionally, creatively. There are institutions that get burned out productively. There are families and marriages that get burned out. There are individual personalities that lose their enthusiasm for life. The problem with burnouts is that they inevitably lead to crash landings.
God does not want to see our lives crash. That's why He's given us a solution to the burnout problem -- Prayer. Prayer is the umbilical cord that allows us to draw nourishment from a source that we, like unborn infants, can neither see nor fully know or comprehend -- God. Prayer is the power that pulls everything together successfully.
For more information please e-mail at obmci@mozcom.com