Professional orphan nabbed at Senate

A man whose mother had died one too many times almost received abuloy (burial financial assistance) from Sen. Panfilo Lacson were it not for one of the senator’s staff members who said the man was a professional orphan.

It turns out that Reynaldo Linaac had already pulled the same stunt on former Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile, whose staff member Jane Rivero now works for Lacson.

When Linaac went to Lacson’s office carrying the senator’s notation on a request for assistance, Rivero immediately recognized him as one who had previously gone to the office of Enrile seeking financial assistance also for the death of his mother.

Lacson may not have known that Linaac’s mother died twice but Rivero did: she remembered that last year, the professional griever went to Enrile’s office seeking abuloy. Enrile directed his staff to help Linaac.

"He came back during the election, claiming his daughter had died. I remember that he had previously said he was single, but we let it go at that and gave him money," Rivero said.

The other day the twice orphaned man went to the session hall and handed a letter to Lacson with a letterhead of Villamor Air Base. Lacson wrote a note on the letter, asking his staff to look into the matter immediately and to provide assistance "if meritorious."

Linaac was insistent on getting instant abuloy but Rivero had other things in mind. A call to Villamor revealed the air base did not know Linaac from Adam. A call to the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms and a subsequent investigation disclosed all his identification cards were fake.

It was also learned that he had already visited the offices of several other senators and received financial assistance for the habitual deaths of family members.

"He tearfully apologized. He said he did that because of his difficulties in life," Rivero said.

A Senate security retorted: "How can you say you are hard-up when you are even better dressed than I am? You even have a cellphone when I have none."

Linaac spent the night at the Pasay police detention cell at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. The STAR gathered that the office of Lacson might not press charges against him, perhaps convinced the man had learned his lesson that it doesn’t pay to be orphaned too many times.