Not me-too

No, I will not rant about those ugly billboards that Mother Nature sent crashing down last week. The main editorials have already spoken out about those, so I won’t bother adding more fuel to the fire, although I will say that, staring ahead in traffic during those exciting moments of typhoon Milenyo, the skyline really looks so much better without them. Neither will I rant about the sorry behavior of our roads or public utility drivers — an exercise in futility, if you ask me — although I will say that I saw a bit of poetic justice in the bus that got hit by a falling billboard on EDSA last Thursday. Like hitting two birds with one stone.

How does one get into that situation anyway, right? Precarious as they may be, billboards don’t just roll over and play dead in a snap. They sway and bend visibly before falling back to earth (where they belong), giving prudent bystanders a chance to head for safety. Did the bus pay no heed to the warning signs? Did the driver have that horse-blinders state forward, blithely stopping by the curb to wait for passengers even as the typhoon was already raising hell in Metro Manila? I don’t think it was stuck in traffic and thus, couldn’t get out of the way because, as I recall, traffic stalled after it got Batista’d by that billboard.

Anyway, like any other mildly unfortunate motorist last week, I had to crawl through minor floods and impromptu slaloms on the highway just to get home and relish several days of no electricity, no cable, no Internet, and diminishing water supplies. As I spent an hour and a half just getting from C5 to Valle Verde for a meeting the next day, I did not think of how much unleaded I was wasting. I did not contemplate on my urgent need to recharge my cellphone somewhere. I was not yet worrying about my dwindling supply of fresh underwear.

Mostly, I noticed how… monotonous the motoring landscape had become. There I was in my Space Wagon, surrounded by a sea of Toyotas, Hondas, Mitsubishis, Nissans and Hyundais. Red, white, black, gray, all the usual colors. All nice cars, to be sure, but something’s definitely missing in the "uniqueness" category. Car purchases are pretty much a simple formula in this country. Looks + Brand + Value = Success.

If just one factor is deficient in the equation, then you’ve got an uphill battle. Look at the Toyota Fortuner, for example. It looks great, it’s a Toyota, and it’s priced very competitively. Never mind that it’s got the ride of a truck and isn’t as spacious as you’d expect for its size. It’s a success, right? Now let’s look at, oh, the Kia Sorento. Looks okay (not ugly, but not pretty either), the brand has an iffy reputation, but it’s got a pretty good value-for-money proposition. How many Sorentos do you see on the road?

Friends who know me as the neighborhood car but frequently go to me for advice on what car to buy, but actually, they’re not really asking me for an opinion. They just want confirmation on something they’ve already decided on. The buddy who bought a Hilux already had his heart set on it before I told him it was a good deal. Same thing with the other one who got a Civic 2.0 as a daily driver. Yes, I said "daily driver" because his other cars are a BMW 5-series and a Volvo.

Car buyers are, on a whole, a very sensible lot. The majority will always buy the automobile with the best balance of virtues, but what does this imply? A uniformity of wheels, where the most rational decision quite often leads to a me-too look. How about if the car-buying decision wasn’t entirely dependent on the basic formula? What if you bought a car not because of the badge on the grille or how many airbags it has but on how it made you look and feel, how it would set you apart from the crowd, resale value and maintenance issues be damned?

Several months ago my girlfriend towed me along to the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy mall tour (isn’t it strange that the majority of the fans were, well, girls?). Nevertheless, I learned two things. One, fellow contributor James Deakin does not deem his slight resemblance to Kyan Douglas to be even remotely flattering. Two, Carson Kressly, the style guru, said that "style is what you make of it", of looking distinctive but not garish. Well, I think zebra-stripe pants will look garish on anyone, but he’s gay so we sort of expect that from him/her.

Pondering this admittedly meaningless, although entertaining, scenario as I tried to ignore the motorist beside me who kept adjusting her bra, I made a short list of affordable to "reasonably affordable" cars that say you’re different from the rest, but still as straight as your father wished you to be.

Below P1M:

Ford Focus Trend — It’s got a Euro-bred ride, handsome styling, and most of the features you’d pay extra for in the 1.8-litre Ghia. Fuel economy is middling, acceleration is sluggish, and the cockpit’s sorely lacking in pockets and shelves, but it’s comfortable, the stereo’s great, and it feels as solid as a Volvo S40 twice its price. Change the wheels and tires for something with more attitude and you’ve got a looker for a family car.

Suzuki Swift — If you don’t have kids yet, or want a sexy second car, this Mini knock-off is an obvious choice. Just don’t expect the space efficiency of a Honda Jazz, or even the driving fun of Honda’s little bugger because all you’ve got is a conventional 4-speed automatic.

Chevrolet Optra Wagon — What if family is your big priority? The Optra Wagon will do most everything you’d expect a small SUV to do. It won’t wade through floods or go off-road, but admit it: when everybody else is hankering for another all-wheel drive appliance, a wagon that looks more expensive than it really is might be just the ticket. If it’s a little too soccer mom for you, splurge on a nice set of alloy wheels.

Between P1M and a little above P2M:

Mazda6 — Let the old folks have their Camries and Accords. Junior can have his Mazda3. This one is for the dad who neither wants to look old or suffer snickers from neighbors that he’s suffering from a middle crisis. The drive train and chassis beg to be driven hard, the svelte looks make you look suave instead of stuffy, and your kids will love your every time you bring them to school in this car.

BMW 120i Sport — Taut skin and a roary powerplant make this a spirited indulgence. Get it in bright red and your parish priest might get a stroke. A sports car disguised as a hatchback, this might be all the Bimmer you’ll ever need in this country, unless you’re filthy rich. In which case, we hate you. But in a nice way.

Toyota Prius — Actually, the Prius isn’t available yet, but I came across an article in the Business Section of this newspaper and it said that Toyota was thinking about marketing their award-winning hybrid. Toyota was officially mum about the price, but the article guess estimated a figure in the 1.7m range. I drive this car at the Shanghai International Raceway two years ago and got to drive it a little bit again at the Toyota Motorshow last year. Basically, it’s fun in a manner alien to motorheads but perfectly appealing to Popular Science readers, Star Trek fans, and wealthy environmentalists (or those who just want to look like they care). It looks like something from a sci-fi movie, rides a bit like an Altis, and pulls like a golf kart. In heavy traffic, where it relies most on its electric motor, its sad to give 38kpl. Top speed is supposedly 200-plus kph. But for pure pogi points in this socially responsible age, it’s a better bet than risking the DOM-look of a Porsche.

Here are some of your Backseat Driver comments from last week…

A law should be enacted to regulate motorcycle driving and there should be strict implementation. — Noel Murillo, Calamba City

Nagtahan Link Road and 9 de Pebrero are being used as very expensive parking lots! — Andy Tan, Manila

Mr. Deakin, I can relate with what happened to you because I too have had "momentary lapses of reason". You are right, you indeed crash and learn. — 09157410654

Please make a comparative review of the Toyota Hi-Ace Super Gandia and the Nissan Urvan Estate. — 09175086424 (Excellent idea, especially since the Hyundai Starex is reportedly coming in with variants to go up against both vans. Calling TMP, UMC nad HARI!)

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