MANILA, Philippines - The Spice Girls lied to us some friendships should end. But the thing is, it’s part of life. Not every single one of your friends will be with you forever.
Like my experience with high school friend in college. I kept ignoring the signs that our friendship was in trouble. But when I asked her for some help with boy trouble, and she remorselessly brushed me off for time with her boyfriend instead, only then did I realize that she wasn’t worth having around. So, I cut my ties with her. It was the best thing to do, especially since she really didn’t care.
There are clear signals for the end of days, but not all friendships have to end. So, here are a couple of red flags that you should take note of, and how to go about them. These can help you save face in the future, possibly save your friendship, and not to mention save you from wasting your time.
When she/he spends too much time with her boyfriend/girlfriend
The Human Saran Wrap. It’s the friend that clings onto their significant other as if they’ll never ever see each other again. Hey, they’re excited! Maybe in love. So your best friend’s attention is devoted to their beau. What now?
What to do: Best answer is, let your best friend be. Don’t get in the middle of their relationship. Be there for your friend, and sure, if you miss her, ask her out. But if the answer is always a no, then it’s probably best to move on. Seriously, you’ll just look like the bad guy trying to destroy “true love.” Find other friends to hang out with, and before you know it, the cling-on will look for you. And if not, well, at least she’s not your problem.
When there’s no time for Q. time
All of a sudden, your best bud is a busy bee. Buzzing over every activity, except for best friend time. Every text you send asking for HOHOL (as in, “hang-out hang-out lang”), always ends up with “Sorry, busy,” or no reply at all.
What to do: The bestie blow off. Classic. There are a few things to consider when your friend does this. Maybe a) you did something wrong and your friend is avoiding you or b) your friend really is busy. If it’s A, call your friend out on it. A simple, “Hey, haven’t seen you in a while. Did I to do something to offend you? Maybe we can talk about it,” is a good start. If the answer is B, well, just wait it out. Your friend does have other priorities too. Maybe you should keep busy as well.
When every little thing about your friend irritates you
Everything about your friend starts to annoy you. Taste in music? Annoying. All of the things she/he says to you? Annoying. His/her jokes? Not funny, ergo, mega-annoying. It wasn’t like this before, so what happened?
What to do: Maybe you guys have been spending too much time together. Step back and put some distance between the two of you. If the space makes you both forget your friendship, then it probably wasn’t a friendship worth having in the first place.
When he/she treats you like the general store
Your friend’s favorite line starts with, “Hey can I borrow…” You’re always short on pens, and sometimes, even short on cash because of constant lending. The worst part is, the things your friend borrows never make their way back to you.
What to do: Congratulations, your friend is a user. And guess what? You’re being taken advantage of. The first thing you have to do is cut the source: do not keep giving her/him things. You’re not doing your friend any favors by enabling their habit. Confront your leech friend and lay down the law. Real friendships are unconditional. Don’t be a sucker.
When you start losing things in common
This usually happens after graduation. Didn’t get into the same college? Hey, no worries. You’ll both keep in touch. Different jobs in different industries? You’ll both make time, for sure. But then, your friend starts talking about how awesome human anatomy is and you’re living it up in the music scene. You don’t have anything in common to talk about. Awkward. So, how will your friendship survive?
What to do: To put it plainly: Let your friend go. And I don’t mean fight. Discovering who both of you are, are crucial points in growing up. Your friend wants to hang out with her Biology block mates on your usual Friday night, let him/her. Same with life after college. Learn to understand that it’ll be harder to make plans because of different schedules. Eventually, you’ll both adapt. There’s no need to stifle each other with best friend love. Less can be more.