Another 2 A.M. conversation with artist/writer Terry Gonzales, this time on Wombs, Wardrobe Montages, and Wodehouse.
YOUNG STAR: …What I wouldn’t give to be Arthur Dent. Catapulted into the universe without so much as a by-your-leave. Or, on the opposite end, sort of, Bertie Wooster, insulated against any real pain.
TERRY GONZALEZ: Well, aren’t we all catapulted?
Catapulted out of our comfy wombs!
Yeah, you’re in desperate need of one of those self-affirming wardrobe montages.
Hmm. Self-affirming wardrobe montage… *strokes chin*
Right? Right? …I would totally buy new outfits.
I have been looking at online style sections a lot lately. Certain trends, I approve of.
Lapels against the world! Such starchy breadths as no man could argue with!
Hahaha! You know, if you wrote more, you could be the cuter female version of Wodehouse.
Aww. I would love to be a Nazi sympathizer!
He was just confused!
And perhaps… A NICE TIE. What trends?
Well, one of the trends I like directly contradicts your tie statement.
Really? The anti-tie?
Apparently, buttoned-all-the-way-up shirts without ties have come back from the 80s.
Just stay away from “popped” collars.
I will. They are too jaunty.
They are an abomination. Really. What would Jeeves do?
Look upon my sartorial decisions with disdain, most likely.
Naah, generally if you stick with nice breathable materials that look somewhat washed, you’re okay.
Why I wear nothing BUT! For example, my mesh shirts…
Oh. Oh dear.
My light cotton skorts.
HEY. DO NOT BASH LIGHT COTTON SKORTS.
Hee hee hee. They *are* very comfortable. And show off my legs while maintainng my girlish modesty.
Yes. Mama Mary loves light cotton skorts.
And let’s not forget my fanciful hats.
Now I’m afraid.
Really, anything can be made into a hat, if you put your mind to it.
Livery?
WOOOUULDNT IT BE LIVERY
Wait. I’m a bit dizzy. All the marching Eliza Doolittles!
It’s like delerium tremens without the joy of once having been drunk.
Totally. Lost intoxications.
SOUNDTRACK FOR THIS CONVERSATION: This Charming Man by The Smiths (“I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear”—I would sing along to this in high school, oblivious to the fact that it was inspired by underground gay culture. Actually, a lot of the music I love is either covertly or overtly gay. But that’s a subject for another column); Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top (“If you feel sharp, you be sharp,” bass player Dusty Hill said, wisely, in an interview); Top Hat, White Tie and Tails by Tony Bennett (my “Steppin’ Out” cassette was one of the few things that kept my music collection in the ‘90s from being wall-to-wall Britpop).