"Don’t fumble for excuses, not here and now with my hair down. At best, let’s say I’ve been oversensitive to her... to the fact that she’s so young, so feminine and so helpless, too so many things I want to be for Bill. Funny business, a woman’s career. The things you drop on your way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you’ll need them again when you get back to being a woman. There’s one career all females have in common – whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we’ve got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we’ve had or wanted. And, in the last analysis, nothing is any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed – and there he is. Without that, you’re not a woman. You’re something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings, but you’re not a woman. Slow curtain. The End."
Growing up, I was always taught by my pious grandmother to be a good girl. One who never speaks out unless it blends with popular opinion, one who never spoke of uncomfortable things like death, sex and other "harsh" realities, one who never made the first move, one who married her first boyfriend and one who always kept the hem of her skirt below her knees. For a while it worked – then I started thinking for myself and the hems got shorter, topics of conversation bolder and flirtation a welcome activity.
My mother would always tell Victor, my boyfriend, that when I was small, I could not even hurt a fly. It makes me laugh when she says this since this is the woman who always spoke her mind, put comfort in the back burner when it came to getting what she wanted and never let convention rule her thoughts. American historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said, "Well-behaved women rarely make history."
Over the weekend my friend Tim Yap and I had a discussion on how being a bitch is now a compliment. I mean, what do you call a woman who demands good service for her money? A bitch. What do you call a woman who, after a major scandale, lives her life without any apologies? A bitch. What do you call a woman who refuses to marry or have kids because she is not ready yet? A bitch (by her beau). What do you call a woman who is fight, thin and glam all the time? A bitch. So being a bitch is so on the radar.
I mean I’m not talking finger flicking, explicative dispensing, panty flashing bitchy here. I realized that in high school, which I must say is the most formative period in my life, the bitches ruled. They colored their hair (which was not allowed), hiked their skirts up a bit, had two different boyfriends each semester and hardly followed the rules. They had fun and all the rest could do was stare. To be part of the action, a participant in life it’s sometimes necessary to break certain regulations. It’s going against societal convention and thus following nature to find our place in the world.
The word bitch used to have negative connotations, bringing to mind creatures like Lady Macbeth, Messina, even Joan Crawford. These women, however insalubrious they may be, possess one trait that is to regard: They took hold of their own lives. Some women are afraid that their feminine nature works against them. Some are afraid to have kids, have partners for the fear of being tied down.
No one gets anywhere without barking or clawing her way in. Certainly simply staring at the door never opens it. In a traditionalist society such as ours, it’s a joy to see the landscape change slowly. Assertive instead of demure, honest instead of afraid, and determined instead of acquiescent.