Movie etiquette

Because the awesomeness of the first Pinoy full-length 3D animated film (yeah, I’m talking about that one) was almost ruined because of the shenanigans of my fellow moviegoers, I felt it would be beneficial for the entire moviegoing population in the Philippines if I spout some truths about how to behave in a cinema.

And yes, this is the hobby section of Unblogged, but remember, moviegoing is a hobby. Anyway, let’s get started.

Very basic: Turn your phone to silent mode

This is moviegoing etiquette 101; and as basic and as simple as it is, people still do it. What the heck, right? You’ve got reminders before the movie, more often than not, presented in a very interesting manner that gets updated every so often. How come people still let their phones ring during movies? Are they just lazy, inconsiderate pricks? I bet they are.

It’s not hard to do, really. You don’t have to turn it off because everyone understands that you might need to accept important calls. Just set it on silent.

Try to get there early

Do you have any idea how annoying it is when a crowd enters the theater after the movie starts? It is incredibly annoying. They’ll talk to each other, point out empty seats, laugh and block other people’s view. Don’t be that kind of person. Don’t be ignorant. Find out what time your movie starts and get there early.

The bonus here is that you can take a trip to the bathroom to minimize having to get up later on, during the movie.

Do not crinkle your food wrappers loudly

An essential component to the movie-watching experience is the munchies. You have your garden variety popcorn, chips, sandwiches, candies, dried fruits and the list goes on, stopping short only at rice toppings. Although, yes, I have seen some people bring in their lunch into the theater. That’s cool, you can do that, too, as long as you don’t make a mess.

When you’re done, though, please be very careful with the way you put your food away. You think crinkling your food wrappers or popcorn bags is quiet? No. No, it’s not.

Do not talk – not loudly, at least.

I understand that the need to communicate will arise every now and again. That’s fine, just please do so quietly.

Do not explain the movie

Seriously, if your friend is too slow to understand what’s going on, it’s either he/she is too young for the current flick or he has some weird movie-related learning disability. Your best bet is to take him or her to the next Spongebob movie.

If you’re doing it for the benefit of the people around you, please don’t. You’re not smarter than the rest of us and you’re not special for pointing out something we all got anyway. You’re only making yourself a bigger jerk.

No one cares for your opinion, keep them to yourself

Whether you found a special effect to look “totally fake,” or that line to be “totally under-delivered,” it’s not cool to let everyone surrounding you know. You know why? Because we don’t care about what you think. If you absolutely need to give a running commentary on the film, buy the DVD and do it where you can bother no one.

The characters cannot hear you, stop talking to them

How many times have you heard “WAG! Wag ka pumasok diyan!” or “Naku! Patay ka diyan! in a movie theater? This ticks me off to no end. Why do people do it? It’s not like they can hear you, and on top of that, it makes you look like a doofus.

Show a little restraint with your reactions

If the joke is funny, go ahead and laugh. If the scene is scary, go ahead and scream or cower behind your friend. Going “awww” is acceptable, too. Chances are, the producers intended for that to happen. However, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not overdo it. You think your 150 decibel laugh is what people came here to hear? Also, we don’t care if scream your head off, but do it during appropriate times.

Avoid texting or playing on your portable device

If you absolutely have to, go ahead, but unless you’re dying, you probably don’t. That light reaches the person behind you, and it is incredibly distracting. It ruins the experience for some people.

Even if your phone or device is on silent mode, that clackity clack on the keys still makes a noise. Do it outside.

Be conscious of the space you paid for

Have you ever wondered which cup holder is yours? Normally, the rule is the one to the right, but that doesn’t make sense for the guy on the left most seat. He has two cup holders then. Lucky him.

This also means that you shouldn’t occupy the arm rest of the guy next to you. If the theater you’re at has shared arm rests, use the one where your drink is.

Never kick or jiggle the seat in front of you

Imagine this – you’re watching a movie, engrossed in the experience, then all of a sudden, your back rest gets bumped. Illusion totally broken, right? If it happens once or twice, that’s forgivable. If it keeps happening throughout the course of the movie, then it becomes an issue. It’s not only distracting, it’s also very rude. Avoid bumping into the seat in front of you, but if you’re tall and you don’t mean it, make it a point to apologize.

Similarly, there are some people who put their feet up on the rest in front of them. Were these people raised in a barn? People sit there, so please show a little consideration.

Control your children

So many times now have I heard children crying and complaining in an R13 rated movie. First of all, that’s not allowed. The ratings are there for a reason, so be a responsible parent and don’t let them into those movies.

I have also seen children running around the theater or playing among a few empty seats. This is horribly distracting. If the movie can’t hold your kids’ attention, then he/she probably shouldn’t be in there. If you have no choice in the matter, at least show a little consideration for others by controlling your kids.

Do not make out here

Seriously, it was uncool during the 90’s. Get out of the theater and get a room or something.

Pick up after yourself

After enjoying your snacks and taking in the movie, do everyone a favor and pick up after yourself. Take your garbage and bring throw them in the proper receptacles. The theater is not a restaurant. Please be considerate not only to the next movie goers but to the staff that work hard to keep that place clean for you to enjoy.

Okay, so there you go. Follow these tips and you and everyone around you will have an enjoyable, immersive time at the cinemas. And remember, when in doubt, just remember that the people in there with you paid as much as you did and you are required to pay them the equal amount of courtesy as you expect them to pay you.

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