Confession time: Up until last year I had no idea that I was saying it incorrectly. I guess I never really cared that much about Bon Iver to know that it was pronounced “bonn ee-VARE” — “an intentional bastardization of the French phrase bon hiver (good winter),” so wrote Vanity Fair’s Michael Hogan in July 2011 — and not “bonn EYE-verr” as I (and many) had assumed. Add the fact that it’s the name of the band and not a solo artist and you have a meta-joke waiting to happen. As Stereogum noted early this month, “the New Jersey band Miracles Of Modern Science launched 100 comments-section puns when they covered You Give Love A Bad Name the way (frontman) Justin Vernon would and called the result Bon Joviver.” So there, I’m deliberately going to keep on saying the Wisconsin group’s name my way.
While I downloaded their debut “For Emma, Forever Ago” in 2008, I soon decided to delete it, save for Skinny Love. Music that makes one feel like a down-on-his-luck grizzly bear getting ready to Kurt Cobain himself (or take a couple Ambien and hibernate indefinitely) may appeal to some, but sad-sack guitar strumming just wasn’t my style. So when Bon Iver took home a 2012 Grammy for Best New Artist — despite putting out material since 2007 — and Best Alternative Music Album for their self-titled follow-up, the Internet was naturally puzzled. From the incoherent tweets and grammatically imprecise Facebook statuses emerged a few bizarre truths about our lovely world:
1. The Grammys may lack prestige and cred (remember: Baha Men won Best Dance Recording in 2000 for Who Let the Dogs Out?), but it now occupies a treasured spot in our social TV landscape.
“(It’s) not just an awards show where indie music fans can say ‘indie music has arrived’ while watching Nicki Minaj crucify herself on stage, having dry sex with the pope,” the indie-skewering site Hipster Runoff cheekily points out. It also serves to weed out the “’lower class’ of society who aren’t just ‘poor,’ but more importantly, not connected to relevant indie buzzbands… Are ‘culturally relevant’ ppl (sic) ‘racist’ for making fun of the second class citizens who don’t overanalyze indie rock on a daily basis?”
In trying to wrap their heads around Bon Iver’s victory, this subclass of social network users created an unintentional meme, Bonny Bear, which is what the band’s monicker sounds like to the uninitiated. (“Has Bonny Bear become an important part of society now that he has trended on Twitter?” continues Hipster Runoff, which in true faux-French fashion I’m enunciating as “eep-STAIR roo-NOFF.”) If there’s any justice in the world, Bon Iver will change their name to Bonny Bear. Imagine the merchandise! I want this to happen so bad.
2. We already witnessed this kind of blazing stupidity in 2011.
Per The Gothamist: “Last year, after Arcade Fire won a Grammy, the Twitter machine lit up with inquiries asking: Who is Arcade Fire? A Tumblr was started, a PSA was made, and even (celebrity chef) Tom Colicchio weighed in for some reason.” These attempts at taking the pulse of people who communicate with hashtags revealed a pulse that was nonexistent, as a lot of these individuals were unfamiliar with the Canadian band behind the 2004 album “Funeral”: “RK Fire?” “Arcade Fries?” “Who is The Suburbs?” Crying.
3. Twice, it appears.
Aside from the outrage surrounding Arcade Fire’s win, a lot of Internet users were also stunned by Esperanza Spalding’s Grammy nod. The 27-year-old jazz bassist, who played during Barack Obama’s inauguration and has appeared in a Banana Republic ad, snatched the Best New Artist gramophone for “Chamber Music Society” (the Oregon native’s third release) out of Justin Bieber’s tiny hands. Lesson: Just because you haven’t heard of someone doesn’t mean the rest of the world hasn’t.
4. No use pulling the age card either.
Fine, the likes of Bon Iver, Arcade Fire and Esperanza Spalding may be relatively niche. But the young masses proved that their strict diet of Lady Gaga and LMFAO tunes has caused their brains to rot. Proof: A bunch of “Who is Paul McCartney?” messages hit the web as the ex-Beatle performed at the Grammys. (These Twitterrers probably bought Beatles T-shirts after watching Across The Universe.) It gives me so much hope for the future. #headdesk
5. We live in the information age, so there is no excuse for ignorance.
I’m LOL-ing forever at the wacky crap that trends on Twitter. (Anything can trend on Twitter — it’s not special at all.) It’s always golden when lazy plebes get all trigger-happy with the “Who?” comments and say the first thing that comes to mind, no matter how uninformed and uneducated it makes them look. I mean, you are on the Internet. You have Google. Use it.
Alas, since we never learn, I’m sure we’ll witness yet another battle of wits — or is it dimwits? — at the 2013 Grammys. I can totally see it now, so say it with me: “Who is Lana Del Rey?”
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