On a day dedicated to mothers, I would like to single out for praise that subset of women who, whether by choice or accident, have ended up parenting alone. I was raised primarily by a single mother who, in turn, was raised by a single mother. As a result, I saw first hand the difficulties faced by women striving to be all things to their children — stern disciplinarian, warm nurturer, steady breadwinner.
As I enter my mid-30, most of my friends have turned from happy-go-lucky singles into new mothers. Some have partners in parenting. Some are going at it alone. I have quite a bit of space in my heart for the latter.
In the struggles of the single mothers of my own generation, I see a reflection of my own mother’s struggles, the exhaustion, the guilt and the fear, not often articulated, that their very best will never approximate the very least a complete two-parent household can offer. To that fear, I respond: “It will be alright.”
Add to those pressures, the need to find a worthy mate and maintain loving relationships and you have a type of existence I cannot imagine managing to sustain (without copious amounts of caffeine and shots of adrenaline). On this day, I salute these weary women warriors and wish them all the blessings the stingy Fates may be convinced to bestow.
They already have the unalloyed love of their children. The path of single motherhood is uncharted (oddly, there are few books about how to navigate the state available in local bookstores), filled with bizarre slights (people feel oddly free to denigrate single moms in the guise of feeling sorry for them) and notable for its lack of support but it has its unique pleasures.
Looking one day at a picture of a friend’s son smiling delightedly as he coasted over the ocean on a surfboard, I commented: “It’s funny because you can’t tell from the picture that he is completely mommy-propelled.” And so he was. Not included in the picture was my friend pushing the board while swimming alongside her son in much-too-deep water, a poignant metaphor for single motherhood if I ever saw one.