• Imelda Marcos and her shoes
• Slinky girlfriends
• Wacky beliefs
• Sea pirates and/or kidnappers
• Natural disasters
So far, so good. Things could be worse. But then again, things could be better. After all, with the decisive comeback of featherweight champ Manny Pacquiao and the media prominence of Fil-Ams like Jasmine Trias and Rex Navarrete, you’d think that Hollywood could get a little bit more updated with their Philippines references. Try something different, you know?
But Hollywood is a land of easy categories and shallow thinking, at best. Filipinos may be all over California, working in a wide variety of creative enterprises and industries in and outside Hollywood. But it will probably take the influence of "insiders" (Filipinos themselves) to start changing the way the Philippines is regarded in movies.
Our most recent reference comes from the Gulf War movie Jarhead, starring Jake Gyllenhaal as a Marine who’s trying to pass the time in sweltering Saudi Arabia as the US military prepares to fight Saddam Hussein’s army. Seeing no action, he tells us about the "techniques used by Marines to avoid boredom and loneliness":
Cleaning of rifle… Rereading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriends… Rewiring Walkman… Arguing about religion… Further cleaning of rifle… Studying of Filipino mail-order bride catalogue…
Bingo! Our first concrete reference in recent years, but it’s hardly a fresh one. After all, Filipinas as "submissive wives" is a stereotype that’s as old as the Hollywood hills, and on top of that (as anyone who knows a Filipina will tell you), it’s total bull!
But stereotypes die hard, and sometimes in the cracker factory that is Hollywood, these tales get recycled and resurrected again and again.
One semi-recent movie peddling a familiar Filipino stereotype is Bridget Jones’ Diary: The Edge of Reason. Here, Bridget (Rene Zellweger) becomes convinced that her crush Mark Darcy (Hugh Grant) is sharing a bed with his Filipino houseboy. (You know how randy those Filipino houseboys can be.) But of course, it’s all a big mistake, as is watching the movie.
One director who should know better, but can be forgiven for sheer quirky chutzpah, is Wes Anderson, whose The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou puts Bill Murray’s marine documentary maker in the clutches of Filipino sea pirates. When the scurvy band of Pinoys board the S.S. Belafonte, it’s up to bond company man Billy (Bud Cort) to translate the pirates’ Filipino demands. "Wala ditong kaha de yero (There’s no vault here)," Billy complains, but this just gets him a crack on the head and taken hostage. "I’ve never seen a bond company stooge stick his neck out like that," says Capt. Zissou admiringly.
Stereotypes can either be humorous, as in the previous example, or just plain bad. A recent flick called Matador concerns a burnt-out assassin named Julian (Pierce Brosnan, whom astute viewers will recall as the volcanologist in the movie Devil’s Peak who saw some bad shit go down "back in Pinatubo").
So where do burnt-out assassins go for a little R & R, anyway? Why, Manila, of course!
"About three months ago, I had this job in Manila," recalls Julian. "Now, normally, this would make me happy. I like the hot climate. Guys look like chicks. It’s f***ing fantastic."
(Hold the phone, there. We all know the undisputed capital of shockingly convincing transvestites is Bangkok, not Manila. Sorry, guys.)
Julian proceeds to "a little whorehouse right off Mabini Street," and we know that at least the makers of Matador have consulted a map. But once again, the Philippines is labeled as a place for cheap and easy sex. Naughty, naughty.
The real problem with Matador is that the Manila scenes are so clearly not shot in Manila. A sign says "Restaurante," suggesting it was actually shot in Mexico. The movie could probably win some kind of award for "Most Unconvincing Facsimile of Manila." Clearly, the makers of Matador just decided to round up some LA Asians and Filipinos for the crowd scenes.
Julian stumbles through a gritty little outdoor market that could pass for Quiapo in a blink, but the straw hats worn by many vendors clearly say "Vietnam" – not Manila. (Baseball caps would have been more authentic.) Finally, after failing to kill his victim, Julian passes out on the street and wakes up later "in a pile of donkey shit."
Donkey shit? In Manila?
One semi-positive Philippines appearance turns up in Hong Kong director Wong Kar-Wai’s 1990 film, Days of Being Wild (which I caught a few years back at Cinemanila). Here, drifting hustler York (Leslie Cheung) tries to locate his long-missing mother, only to learn she was a Chinese prostitute who eventually "retired" to the Philippine provinces. Here, at least, the lush local scenery is depicted as a natural Eden (compared to the dark and rainy Hong Kong shots usually favored by the director). Needless to say, the Philippine locations are quite exotic and beautiful.
Other interesting Filipino references have been cropping up on television lately. My sister-in-law, an avid TV viewer, pointed out the recurring Filipino gags on the raunchy cable cartoon show, Family Guy. In one episode, Brian, the overachieving dog of the Griffin family, takes a job as a drug-sniffing canine at LAX. He sniffs the flight crew, focusing on the pilot: "You’re just back from Manila… (Sniff, sniff…) You had lumpia for dinner. Then you made love to two Filipino women… (Sniff, sniff…) And a man."
To which the pilot haughtily replies: "You mean, three Filipino women."
In another episode, Brian visits his gay cousin Jasper in LA, where he hopes to become a screenwriter. Jasper (in pronounced gay lisp) breezes in and starts making kwento: "This is my trainer, Ricardo. Catching up: I’m in love. He’s from the Philippines. I know, I know… I’m a rice queen."
Now, "rice queen" is a pretty advanced and topical reference for a TV show. Maybe it means Family Guy is hip to all the emerging trends among young globetrotting gay players in Hollywood. Or it could mean they have a resident Filipino on the writing staff, because the references just keep on coming.
In another episode, Stewie, the disturbingly erudite Griffin baby, imagines being in a "buddy movie" with The Rock. Cue "gravelly-voiced movie trailer announcer" and a shot of Stewie, followed by a shot of The Rock. "One’s a baby. And the other’s… black. I think. At least part black. Or Hispanic, maybe… I think there’s possibly some Filipino in there. Yeah, possibly some Filipino…"
And we can’t conclude this series without mentioning TV’s hipper-than-thou Veronica Mars. In one episode, Veronica and her pal are dressing up for an ’80s party. Her pal is dressed as Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink, while Veronica sports a very slutty-looking Madonna outfit, circa Desperately Seeking Susan. "What do you think?" asks Veronica’s pal. "I look like… Manila-whore Barbie," concludes Veronica.
Naughty, naughty.