My life these days is very simple. I live alone in a condo up in the sky. I have only one permanent staff — a young man who drives for me because I never learned how to drive. He comes to work every day and stays downstairs with the car. Once a week someone cleans for me. During the day I either work with my hands (making jewelry) or I sell Stem Enhance. This leaves me quite a bit of thinking time.
I sit in the lovely breeze and light of my workroom. My hands are busy but my mind wanders looking for something that is interesting. Suddenly I see myself as a little girl sitting in the front row of my Grade One. My hair is parted in the middle, tied into two bunny tails one over each ear, each tied with a wide white satin ribbon. I look innocent, almost angelic. In front of me is a nun, my teacher, who says, You should never have impure thoughts. I nod vigorously as though I knew then what an impure thought was!
My teacher’s statement replays in my mind still. I remember not being able to ask anyone what an impure thought was. Something just told me it wasn’t right to ask so I did not and consequently the question was never answered.
Now as I turn 70 I still ponder the question. I remember when I was working being on the basketball court for an event. I must have been around 36 years old then. I saw this tall basketball player standing about 10 feet away with his back to me. Then basketball players wore very short tight shorts, which is why I didn’t mind watching basketball on TV. I looked him up and down and noticed his charming tight butt. Hmm, I thought, nice butt. That’s all. Now was that an impure thought? I think not. I think it was an admiring thought. Did I desire him? I don’t know. I did not go through the mental exercise of stripping him in my imagination. I just thought he had a good firm butt. I did not talk, make friends or even look at his face. I just admired his butt.
Are women capable of impure thoughts? What is a thought that is not pure? Is it a dirty thought? Imagine what your floor would look like if you decided not to clean it for a whole month. It would be so dirty. That is not a clean, not a pure thought, most likely that would be an impure thought and it would become a sin if you imagined it filthy and liked it. Laughing, casting your eyes heavenward, you roll in the dirt and dust. You like the feeling so much you decide to get your floor that dirty so you can roll in it and get blissfully filthy. Is that an impure plan? Purity is white, isn’t it? The color of a dirty floor is not white. It is gray at best and sometimes it could get black when it gets muddy.
My instincts tell me rolling around on a dirty floor may be kinky but it is not an impure anything. What is an impure thought? It’s a lustful thought. You know – lust, one of the seven deadly sins they taught you about in school. Remember? They were 1) pride, an inordinate belief in yourself that makes you think you are the best, as good if not better than God, 2) envy, an inordinate desire to have everything everybody else has, 3) gluttony, an inordinate desire to eat or drink more than your body needs, 4) anger, an inordinate desire to kill or hate someone because of his terrible acts, 5) greed, an inordinate desire for material gain, in other words like Napoles and the rest, 6) sloth or laziness, an inordinate desire not to do anything at all, like Juan Tamad and 7) lust, an inordinate desire for pleasures of the body.
I wrote the seven deadly sins in my language. Each sin is an inordinate something or an over-the-top kind of thing. Is believing in yourself a sin of pride? Not at all, in fact, it is necessary for you to grow and to be happy. But if you inordinately believe in yourself thinking you can walk on water, that is what the Catholics call a sin.
I went to Google for the seven deadly sins. There I discovered that Gandhi also had his seven sins. They are 1) wealth without work, 2) pleasure without conscience, 3) science without humanity, 4) knowledge without character, 5) politics without principle, 6) commerce without morality, 7) worship without sacrifice. Gandhi stated sins using the word without. That to me is wonderfully articulate.
In the end I like Gandhi’s views better. Lust for him is pleasure without conscience and love is perhaps pleasure with conscience. That gives me something else to think about.
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