My daughter Panjee came with me and was greeted fondly by her grandmother, who did not speak her name. Neither did she speak mine. First, we sat outside by the grilled wall that looked out on the street. Two other Alzheimer’s patients were there. One was nodding into a nap. The other was intrusively staring so their nurse, Dexter, suggested that we move into Mom’s room. She sat on her bed, told her usual stories that were both easy and hard to understand as there were no details, but we made the necessary noises.
She launched into her usual complaints about noise, people always trying to steal things from her. These have become standard over the years. No matter how quiet the place I put her in in Vancouver, she would complain about the noise and about people either trying to steal from her or accusing her of stealing from them. Nothing has changed except now, finally, she looks happy.
"I wish I knew about Alzheimer’s earlier," I told Adele Joaquin, whose mother is also afflicted with something similar. I met Adele when my aunt was here about a month ago. Adele has set up an NGO called Bantay Matanda Inc., which conducts training seminars on the last Saturday of every month at the Christ the King Parish Hall on E. Rodriguez Avenue. Thus far I have been unable to attend because Saturday is my busiest day, but I must make it a point to attend the Alzheimer’s sessions to get more enlightenment on my mother’s situation.
I invited my neurologist to lunch to give me an Alzheimer’s lecture. I wrote down what she told me, but now I know I cannot be clearly understood. Alzheimer’s is a complicated and difficult-to-explain disease. So far, all I know are: One, only when she began to take Abixa did my mother stop being cranky and angry. She became sweet, pleasant, always a smile on her face, generally good-tempered. So I will swear by Abixa until I die. Two, Alzheimer’s patients like the company of other patients. They do well in a home where they are better off than they would be among normal people, though they must be given two to three months to adjust. My mother now has two new friends, and three enemies. Nevertheless, they have fun. Three, try to find out early if your parent has Alzheimer’s. That should help you better. You cannot help him or her that much, but you can help yourself more.
"What are the early signs of Alzheimer’s?" I asked Adele.
"Forgetfulness, repetitiveness; if you have maids, constant criticism of them and imagining things about them." I remembered having to fire five drivers. First, Mommy liked them, then she hated them and demanded that I fire them. I did but held on firmly to the last one and told her flat-out that I was not firing him so she became cruel to him. I remember what she would invent about the maids. She accused one of having an affair with the driver next door and demanded that I fire her. Mommy began to paste date labels on all the containers of food in our refrigerator. That was around 15 years ago. Then her imagination became hyperactive and she turned on my daughter who lived with us, accused her of answering back and all sorts of other things that the poor girl did not do. My mother refused to listen to any of our explanations.
She also then accused me of claiming she had early Alzheimer’s. See, I went to her brother, who was recovering from a stroke: "Tito, please tell me what’s wrong. I don’t understand her any more. Do you think she might have early Alzheimer’s?" He said she merely needed more affection. Now I realize I was right. My mother had early Alzheimer’s. I should have done something about it then, but she was just impossible to handle.
I have regrets. I should have found out earlier. I should have given Abixa sooner. I should have moved her into The Noli Center earlier. Sometimes in our lives we are so busy being parents to our young children we forget our own parents and we tend to ignore or dismiss them. Then one day, we find them afflicted with a strange disease and nobody is there to take care of them except us. There are so many of us in our 50s and 60s faced with this overwhelming task. We should give each other information, support, help. If you need more information, you may call Adele Joaquin at 373-2262 or 0917-4167849 or e-mail her at adele@info.com.ph. Or maybe you can reach me at the addresses below, but all I can do is refer you to Adele.