A story of hope and despair, death and rebirth

Whether you are a Christian and find yourself amid the rituals of Easter or perhaps a Kabbalist and find yourself participating in Pesach, now is a special time. Many see this as an opportunity for rebirth, “to live again” as they say. But all new life often comes with an ending of sorts. And by nature, “endings” are not always the easiest even if we know what lies ahead is so much more than what we leave behind.

One of my favorite authors, Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun in the lineage of Chogyam Trungpa, the much-revered Tibetan meditation master, has an amazing message to share. Her story in itself is filled with beginnings and endings, hope and despair, death and rebirth. She is the resident teacher at Gambo Abbey, Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. The abbey is the first Tibetan monastery in North America established for westerners. Pema has written quite a number of books through the years but a favorite is this: Taking the Leap — Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears. Here are some of her thoughts as you ponder on the life you have chosen and what you would like to change.

Feeding the right wolf

She begins with the story of a Native American grandfather speaking to his grandson about cruelty and violence in the world. The latter declares that he has two wolves fighting in his heart. One was vindictive and angry and other, gentle and kind. The grandson asks as to which one should win the fight. His grandfather answers, “ …The one who wins will be the one you choose to feed.” To this day, this remains our challenge. Which wolf will we allow to grow in our hearts?

Pema believes that following the right path involves uncovering, re-discovering three qualities of being human: natural intelligence, natural warmth, natural openness. The first refers to our innate instinct to choose what is best for us, the second is the shared capacity to love and the third, a basic perspective of oneness. If we focus on these traits and not those that are based on fear, then we will inevitably choose to feed the wolf of kindness and understanding. That heart will be filled with joy.

Learning to stay

Another aspect of living a better life is learning to stay and live in every moment. Although this concept is nothing new, especially to those who have practiced meditation, it remains an integral part of appreciating all that surrounds us. Being fully present allows us the gift of real choice: we are here in this situation because we have chosen it. Otherwise we find ourselves looking for excuses as to living with things exactly as they are rather than how we would prefer them to be.

The habit of escape

Shying away from pain is human nature and yet the only real way to ease pain is to experience it fully. Learning to stay with the uneasiness, to “Sit. Stay. Heal,” actually allows us to overcome obstacles in a very real way. It is known that any emotion only lasts one and a half minutes in our scope of experience. For it to proliferate, we must put energy into it. Many times, this is where the drama and the storylines that we create begin. We, through our thoughts, conjure up our own hell on earth without even realizing it. Yet, the only way to escape pain is to conquer it. Life’s energy is never static. It is constantly shifting, constantly fluid. It is when we become comfortable with this natural movement of life that we begin to find the cadence that will lead us to a better one. When that is done, escape serves no purpose.

Getting unstuck

Pema speaks of the Tibetan concept of  “Shenpa” — “attachments.” Her alternative translation would be “what it feels like to get hooked” — to get stuck. These are the triggers in our lives that bring out our knee-jerk reactions rather than conscious responses. These are usually the series of events that keep us in situations we would prefer not to be in. Situations where we “lose” our ability to choose actively and instead just react.

 Each time we are faced with this, she encourages you to try this:

1) Acknowledge that you’re hooked (preferably with humor).

2) Pause, take three breaths and lean into the energy (preferably with gentleness).

3) Relax and move on.

Practice not getting hooked and you’re bound to get unstuck.

We have what we need

Technically, we are all equipped to deal with everything that comes our way.  What spells the difference is only how we see each situation. In her book, Pema advises that the next time you lose your heart and can’t bear the experience, remember this: change the way you see things and lean in. Instead of buying into the stories and all the drama we relentlessly tell ourselves, instead of blaming our discomfort on external circumstances or other people — choose to stay present and awake in your experience, not rejecting it, not belittling it, not blowing it out of proportion.

Once we begin to see everything we do with more clarity (the cycle of how we get hooked and swept away by old habits), we may often get discouraged and give up altogether. Don’t.

Realize how remarkable this opportunity is to be able to see ourselves honestly.  This is where we begin to learn courage. Once we see our lives as a teacher rather than a burden, we begin to make friends with ourselves and begin to treat ourselves with the kindness we deserve. It is in being compassionate with ourselves that we can begin to show compassion towards others. As in all things, one cannot give what one does not have. Loving yourself despite all your imperfections and failures allows you to see the world and everyone in it differently.

All of a sudden, it is no longer your world, but ours. No longer your problem but ours. No longer your happiness but ours. It is only when we start to accept and forgive ourselves do we begin to feel like we deserve this happiness — this better life.

I guess this is key: believing in our minds and knowing in our hearts that it is by dying to our old life and old habits that we can really be able to “live again.”

So whether the message is preached from a pulpit, or spoken during Shabbat or quietly whispered by a non-descript American Buddhist nun — listen.

Take the leap. Your life is waiting for you.

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E-mail tcbautista@arkeology.org.