"Many simply assume that the game is over somewhere in late midlife or early later life," writes Robert N. Butler, MD, co-author of The New Love and Sex After 60. "They couldn’t be more wrong."
In fact, "given the blockbuster sales of Viagra, we know that older people are interested in sex," he commented in an interview. What’s more, the percentage of people who view their partners as romantic and/or physically attractive may actually increase with age, according to a 1999 sexuality survey commissioned by the American Association of Retired Persons and Modern Maturity magazine. In that poll, two out of three people with partners reported that they were "extremely" or "somewhat" satisfied with their sex lives.
Unfortunately, some older people may mistakenly blame a lackluster sex life on aging – and accept it – when decline could be turned around with the right treatment. For instance, antidepressants and medications for high blood pressure are notorious for impairing erections in men (their effects on women haven’t been as well-studied), but doses can be lowered or the medications changed altogether to lessen the impact. Overuse of alcohol is also often an overlooked factor in sexual problems for both men and women; cutting back or abstaining from drinking can frequently improve performance and desire.
Sometimes, there’s no problem per se – just a lack of good information. For instance, a man may think he’s becoming impotent when it takes him longer to have an erection. But slower response is a normal age-related change, not a sign of impotence, says Dr. Butler. Given the fact that fear of impotence often causes impotence, it’s a piece of knowledge that might make all the difference.
Whatever the medical or psychological issues at hand in sexual difficulties, it takes a good conversation with your doctor to address them, along with a willingness on both sides to discuss specific problems and look for solutions. "There’s a myth of sexlessness that’s sometimes believed by older people, that it just goes along with accepting all the trials and tribulations of old age," Dr. Butler says. "But this is changing – a lot. People now see arthritis and heart problems as fixable," so why not sex?
Granted, diseases, drugs, and even nutritional deficiencies can diminish brain function – "but that’s true at any age," Dr. Butler comments. And while aging does affect cognitive or mental function by slowing reaction time and retrieval of information from memory, that simply means it may take an older person a few more seconds to remember a piece of information.
In fact, in certain ways, older people make better learners. "They have a broader knowledge, a better vocabulary, and more perspective" than younger adults, says Dr. Butler. "That means they can integrate knowledge and see connections that a teenager might not," such as, say, linking a painting or a piece of music with its historical context.
Older people themselves do much to dispel any notion that they’re withering away in retirement. Many continue learning by joining clubs – and attending classes, even in degree programs. Such participation is incredibly important. The brain is a "use it or lose it" organ that needs to be kept in shape the same way that muscles and tendons do, and research has shown that people who stay mentally active have less risk for dementia and memory loss than those who let mental activities go.
What kinds of learning work best to exercise the brain? Anything that involves problem solving, such as doing crossword puzzles, is a good bet. Reading (and discussing what you’ve read with others), learning a new language, and figuring out how to use a new computer count, too.
To be sure, exercising intensely is different for a 90-year-old and a 50-year-old, and working up a sweat is different for a 50-year-old and a 20-year-old. It might take much less brisk walking or heavy lifting to get a "glow." And what’s brisk or heavy exercise for a certain age changes as the body does. In addition, anyone who starts exercising in later years who has been inactive for some time must get a doctor’s okay first since vigorous physical activity is safe for most, but not all, older people. However, for the large majority of individuals who want to be able to get down on the floor with their grandchildren, ride a bike, or take ballroom dancing lessons, working up a sweat in aerobic activities several days a week and engaging in strength training twice a week is the way to go.
But, he says, it’s a myth that "pain is an inevitable part of aging, that people just need to expect it and to suffer it. There is much that can be done to relieve pain and improve quality of life." That is, no one, no matter what his or her age, should avoid asking for pain relief out of fear of being ignored or told there’s nothing that can be done.
• Medications. Even commonly prescribed drugs like diuretics can keep people up by making them run to the bathroom all night. Co-director of the Center for Sleep Medicine at the Tufts New England Medical Center, Bruce Ehrenberg, MD sometimes advises people "to get one or two trips to the bathroom out of the way before trying to fall asleep" – even a few hours before bedtime.
• Late dinners. Eating raises the level of stomach acid, a particular problem at bedtime for people who suffer from heartburn. Eating earlier rather than later can do a lot to take care of it. When Swiss scientists fed a group of men and women dinner at 6 o’clock, they found that their stomach acid averaged about 20 percent lower throughout the night than the acid of people who had dinner at 9 o’clock.
Indeed, as the myths discussed in this article prove, some of the age-old wisdom about growing old, isn’t so wise after all!