When I ask parents if they spank their kids, they almost always say yes. I ask them if they spank them in anger and they respond with, "Of course!" I guess that is where things get muddled up when we spank in anger.
I have given spanking a lot of thought and I believe that abuse can be prevented if it is done outside of anger. It has been proven medically that when people are angry, their blood gets concentrated in their hands. Therefore, when we hold the rod during a heated moment with our children, chances are we will violate them because we will almost always take out our anger on them. The opportunity for disciplining them in love is lost and we will be guilty of violating them physically and emotionally.
Personally, yes, Anthony and I spank our children but we have very strict guidelines. In the past, we have made many mistakes when it comes to disciplining our children. We are thankful that they always forgive us and continue to trust us with their hearts. We’ve learned though that we must make sure not to commit the same mistakes we made when we were starting our family. We know that the consequences are major and so we are tough on ourselves to make sure we do what is right. When it comes to spanking, we will spank:
• For three reasons – When our children rebel, lie or hurt others. We are very clear on that, especially with our children. We first inform them about the consequences of such actions before we administer spanking.
• In a private place where no one can see them so they don’t get embarrassed. The issue is discipline, not punishment. Other people should also be spared from being witnesses to a spanking because they may not understand the reason for it or may not agree that it should be done.
• With one "spanky" – We refrain from using a belt or our hand or anything we get our hands on that is convenient at the moment because those are very personal things that will be associated with us. Besides, with a belt, it is difficult to estimate where it will land or how hard it will hit. More often than not, it also leaves a mark. We use a wooden stick or ladle and put it in a place that is not easily reached. This helps us check our motives before getting our hands on the spanky. On our way to get it, we have the chance to rethink our decision to spank and breathe so that we will do it with the right motive in mind. When we spank, we make sure it hurts; otherwise, its purpose becomes useless. We also spank our kids in their buttocks. Not their hands or wherever the spanky gets them. The buttocks have lots of fat and is a safe place for a spank to land because it will not leave a mark. There are no bones that would be hit there, which assures that there would be no fractured bones or black and blue bruises. We try not to use spanking as a tool to scare our kids. We make sure that when we warn them that a spanking will happen if the action is continued, we mean it and will really do it.
• Only with the child’s permission – which means the child understands the reason or the need to be spanked. He must surrender himself to it and allow us to spank him. That means, he will come to us, put down his pants willingly and allow the spanking to happen. Otherwise, we will wait for the right time when the child is ready to obey and be disciplined. We will not force the child to get spanked in order to get it over with. I realize that forcing a child only pushes him to rebel more. I know, because I was guilty of such things before. Part of disciplining our children has a lot to do with our own example. If they see that we are more concerned about molding them than controlling them, they will learn to trust us enough to submit to our discipline.
• When we can embrace them after – look at them in the eyes without guilt (because we know that we have spanked with love and reason) and assure them of our love. Although sometimes, our kids leave the private place in tears, we most often end our spanking moments with a prayer together to ask for guidance and strength to remember the lessons that need to be instilled in both our hearts. This way, obedience will come as second nature and not something to be constantly reminded about by a spank.
From The Mouths Of Babes |
Too Much Soap Opera |
With best regards,
Maricelle Abad-Punzal
Young Entrepreneur |