Dear Nanay,
I admire you for being a good adviser, an accomplished woman and a wonderful mother. I really don’t know if there’s such a thing as fixed marriages in this modern age but I hope you can help me with my problem. My parents have a good business abroad with a Filipino-Chinese-American partner and I feel they have already agreed on the marriage of their children since my parents tell me all the time to be good to their son “for our future.”
I’m the only daughter in our family and my parents’ partner has a surprisingly good-looking son who is here in Manila for school, basketball, modeling and show business. This cute guy and I are both into modeling, which is why we immediately became good friends. This guy has spoken to me about the possibility of us being a future couple and courted me. I agreed with his proposal just because I didn’t want to put at risk my parents’ business deals with his family, even though I have heard news that he is dating and flirting with other girls. In short, our relationship now is somewhat fake, but as friends we are definitely on good terms. He’s malambing, maasikaso and maalaga naman (he’s sweet, attentive and caring) but I feel that he’s not too serious about this relationship and he only did that proposal just to please his parents — like I did with mine.
I’m about to fall in love with this other guy who also models but hails from a simple family and he is the breadwinner. I super-like this guy’s personality and attitude. Aside from being extremely good-looking too, he is a family man and responsible. As much as I would want to pursue my love with this guy, I am afraid of doing it because of my current love life and family situation. After my graduation from high school, I am planning to study abroad to get rid of these crazy problems. What do you think is the best way, Nanay? Should I consider what I love or what I need in the future?
Miss Universe
Dear Miss Universe,
I think it is admirable that you have your parents’ best interest at heart, but you should consider that perhaps your parents do not have a “fixed marriage” plan for you. Maybe they are just trying to set you up with their partner’s son just to get you to consider a future with this boy. Di ba maraming magulang naman meron “manok” para sa mga anak nila? (Don’t many parents have a chosen one for their children?) I would think that most of these same parents will still prioritize their child’s happiness and best interests and will not force him or her to do something they really do not want.
If it is difficult for you to talk to your parents about your feelings, then maybe you are right to go and study abroad. It will give you, your parents and everyone else a little time to think about things. Sometimes it is difficult to make the correct decisions when you are too emotional or in the middle of the situation. It can be better to put a little time and distance between you and your problems so that you can make an objective choice. Then you can really think about things and make a good decision.
Besides, studying abroad is a fantastic prospect for you. Not many people have that option and you should maximize this opportunity and make the best of it. You can always go back to your love life later but the chance to study and learn about other cultures may go and never come back.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Falling For A Lesbian
Dear Nanay,
I am 19 years old, single and have never had a boyfriend. I would just like to ask if it is bad to have a relationship with a lesbian. There is a lesbian who is courting me. I haven’t said “yes” to her yet because I am afraid of what other people might say. I tell her that I don’t love her but the truth is that I am afraid to lose her. I am afraid that she might love someone else. I don’t know why I fell in love with her when there are many men who are courting me. What do I do? I am getting confused. Thank you.
C.
Dear C.,
If that is what will make you happy and you are not hurting or taking advantage of anyone, then who cares what other people say? If your so-called “friends” are saying bad things about you then maybe they are not your real friends.
Buhay mo ito at hindi naman sa kanila (This is your life, not theirs). Why can’t they just be happy for you no matter how difficult it is for them to accept your choices? You have just as much right to be happy. I think this is completely your choice and you do not need the approval of anyone.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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