Let’s call this guy Rodolfo. Rodolfo had everything. He was Mr. Know-It-All. He was always ranked No. 1 in class, and he held on to that spot seemingly forever. Whenever he was nominated to be class president, darn it, he always won. Once he got nominated, the election for president was over, and we immediately moved on to get nominees for class VP. And he won every single award – in science, math, social studies, you name it. I think they even named an award after him when they ran out of awards. Sheesh!
The worst thing about this guy was, he was liked by everyone! He wasn’t like some nerd or geek that everyone made fun of. He wasn’t the class bully who used his physical strength to get voted president. He was Mr. Nice Guy, a very cheerful and helpful friend. This guy had everything: the looks, charm, brains, friends, breeding and charisma. Basically, he was every guy’s nightmare.
You might be tempted to ask, "If he was so likeable, why did you hate him?"
I think it’s just human nature. It’s our natural tendency to be envious, to be jealous of people who seem to have more in life than we do. It is ingrained in all of us, since the time of Adam and Eve. Remember, Cain killed Abel because of jealousy, right?
So that inclination to despise people who seem to be better off than we are has been passed on to all generations. I had this feeling for Rodolfo.
But I guess my resentment was borne of a natural tendency to compete. We all have this winner-take-all, matira-ang-matibay, survival-of-the-fittest mentality. We want to be the best we can be and we want to achieve this at the expense of others. It’s nature’s law. A grasshopper eats an ant, a frog eats the grasshopper, a snake eats the frog, a salamander eats the snake, a buffalo eats the salamander, a lion eats the buffalo, and then we shoot the lion and mount his head on the wall while we eat a pig that grew in our pig farm. That doesn’t sound right somehow, but you get the picture, right? In this world, you have to assert your supremacy – otherwise, you get eaten alive. For us humans, the person who is on top of or ahead of us is threatening. And there’s a tendency to resent that person. I had that feeling for Rodolfo, and I couldn’t help it.
So I was in a quandary. I knew at that time that no matter how I tried, I couldn’t keep up with the guy. He was simply far ahead of the pack. So, what did I do? I befriended him.
Sneaky strategy, huh? One day, when the teacher was out and Rodolfo was tasked to write down and report the "noisy boys and the standing boys" while the teacher was away, I leaned to him and told him, "Rodolfo, you’re my best friend." He got stunned. I guess he didn’t know what to say so he sheepishly replied, "You’re my best friend too."
And from that day on, we were always together. I got to know his habits, work ethic, attitude, peers and activities. And it kind of rubbed off on me. The result was astounding. I became more responsible in school. I would do my homework the moment I got home, sometimes even in school while waiting for the car. I tried to become more sociable and I made an effort to approach my teachers and befriend them.
The result: By the time I was in grade 6, I was in the top 5 of my class (note: in grade 1, I was No. 41, would you believe?), and because of my good grades, I skipped grade 7 and went straight to high school.
OK, in the corporate world, my grade six achievement doesn’t mean a thing. If I put that accomplishment on my resume, HRD heads would feed my CV straight into the paper shredder. But I can truly say that that change in attitude about my enemy changed my view about life.
You see, Rodolfo made me want to be a better person. That was the key. It was not what I felt for him inside that mattered. What mattered was how I dealt with the feeling and how I harnessed the hatred and converted it into a challenge. I may never have beaten Rodolfo, but in the end, I gained a friend and I got better grades!
In the corporate world, I often hear statements like, "Hey our competitor is doing this and that. Oh no, they are eating our market share!" or "Our competitor closed this deal with our client. We’re screwed."
Now it’s perfectly normal to have that kind of reaction. After all, a competitor’s performance will have an impact on yours. But the question is, do you just sit back and watch the competition grow? There’s a strong tendency for us to do just that. On the contrary, you should use your competition as your leverage, your motivation to improve your own company. It may be hard to imagine it at first, but really, your competitor could very well be your step to success. Competition drives the human spirit.
I often wonder how good a player Magic Johnson would have been if he didn’t have Larry Bird as his rival? Magic Johnson has often been quoted as saying Bird made him a better player. Would SM be as aggressive in the mall business if Robinsons weren’t around? Would ABS-CBN be as big without GMA, or vice versa?
Being in MTV, I am often asked by clients how I find the other music channels. I never put them down. My usual answer is, "The fact that other networks are putting up music channels and copying our format only confirms that our format, which started more than two decades ago, works." And you can’t argue with that.
So, you hate someone who seems to have everything? It’s OK. Channel your anger positively and strive to be better. Remember, your competition could be your best ally.