Ai-Ai never learns

The doomsayers were right: It was a marriage doomed from the start. Well, what can you say about a union between a 48-year-old woman and a 27-year-old man cemented in Las Vegas where you can swap “I do’s” at a chapel in a corner and, if you change your mind in a jiffy, file a divorce at a chapel at the next corner? Ask Britney Spears and a few other Hollywood couples.

And Ai-Ai de las Alas and Jed Salang who got married “out there” last April 3 and broke up on May 3, this time probably for good unlike in their regular galit-bati ritual during the one year of going steady prior to that marriage which will go down in Philippine showbiz history as the shortest-lived.

For a while, I thought the wet season has set in too early as I watched poor Ai-Ai shed copious tears on The Buzz yesterday. Swearing to high heavens that she didn’t really know the man she had married, while thanking God that she woke up before it was too late, Ai-Ai could win a Best Actress grand slam in that one single performance, except that it was for real and, hopefully, not make-believe. It was in stark contrast to a wide-smiling Ai-Ai only three weeks ago, shedding tears of joy after making a bow that she and Jed would stick to each other for better or for worse, ‘till death do them part. Wait a minute, shouldn’t it have been “’till money do us part?”

According to Funfare Update sources, Jed (a father of a love child, while Ai-Ai has three from two previous relationships) booked three nights at Midas Hotel on May 3 for their first “monthesary” (yes, there is such a special date, no kidding!). Instead of being flattered, Ai-Ai was enraged, saying, “Bakit doon? Siguro dahil gusto mo na naman mag-casino, ano?”

Oops! It was an “ouch” moment highlighted by an exchange of hurting words, with Ai-Ai telling Jed not to dare go home anymore (to Ai-Ai’s Ayala Heights, Quezon City, home, that is). One of the initial casualties was a car (Camaro?), Ai-Ai’s gift to Jed which she promptly took back. Indian-giver!

Soon, as Ai-Ai tearfully confessed on The Buzz yesterday, a can of worms started opening, with her learning more about the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with. Really now, were the tears Jed shed during the Las Vegas wedding for joy or, sob and sigh, for regret because he might not have been sure about his feelings for Ai-Ai?

In a pre-wedding interview, Ai-Ai told Funfare Update that she and Jed had an LQ (Lovers’ Quarrel), again(!!!), but she took Jed back when he proposed (on his knees?) to prove that he really loved her. The gullible love struck Ai-Ai said yes and off they hied to Las Vegas for their appointment with destiny.

Ai-Ai said that she tried to ignore text messages from, as she suspected, Jed’s ex(?)-girlfriend, mother of his love son, until she couldn’t take it anymore especially when she learned that Jed and the woman have continuous communication…maybe for the sake of their child?

As I’ve been saying, could a marriage between a 48-year-old woman and a man, at 27 young enough to be her son, survive the tests and trials along the way to a living-happily-ever-after ending? No way!

One thing is certain: Ai-Ai never learns. It’s okay for a person to find true happiness but he or she should do so with head over heart, reason over emotion, and with eyes wide, wide open, isn’t it?

Meanwhile, as Ai-Ai waits for Jed to sign the divorce paper (yes, they signed a pre-nup…but is a marriage “committed” in Las Vegas recognized by Philippines laws?), more questions remain unanswered, to wit:

• How much did Ai-Ai really pay for a Porsche that she has gifted herself with recently?

• Why is she going around with bodyguards?

• What painful truth did she learn Monday last week that made her cry and cry (was it a confirmation of her biggest fear)?

US-based Miguel Vera, father of two of Ai-Ai’s three children and happily married to somebody else, must be tsk-tsk-tsking and saying, “I knew it!” (The two kids, Sofia and Nicolo, are with Miguel while they are studying in California.)

A piece of advice for Ai-Ai from her well-meaning friend “Mr. Never Gone”: “Never get married again. Just find a young lover, a toyboy!”

Hmmmmm, with friends like “Mr. Never Gone,” who needs…