Last Sunday in this column, I mentioned for the first time our new tandem of Super Leaders and Extreme Executives in their Superhero identities as “BAT-MAN AND ROBINAY!” Well, sana maging mga heroes sila talaga kahit hindi na masyadong super pa.
However, there is another variation for this dynamic (“nagda-dye na kami”) duo (‘yung isa konti lang ang dina-dye; alam n’yo na kung sino), but it will put the Vice President in first billing — “BLACKMAN AND RAW-BEN (that’s short for Benigno)!”
Raw is hilaw — as in, hindi pa hinog. But it’s okay lang — it rhymes naman with dilaw. And dilaw also means hinog. And beware of RAW. If you read that in reverse, that’s WAR! Remember, mas masakit tamaan sa ulo ng hilaw na mangga o papaya kaysa hinog.
And going back to being “dynamic” and the issue of dyeing, may pahabol na retaliation ‘yung mga supporters ni Bat-Man — “Oo nga’t konti lang ang dina-dye ng bossing naming, eh ‘yung si Robinay, dina-dye pati buong katawan at pagmumukha n’ya!”
Ngek!
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Actually, the more I kept my attention directed to this superhero scenario, which started the moment the two were proclaimed, I couldn’t help looking back and noticing that the whole campaign seemed like a gathering of superheroes, comics creations and titans in tights. And searching for similarities greatly pleased me. And because of this, I thought that the COMELEC should have been called the COMICS-SION ON ELECTIONS!
Let me introduce them to you — at malamang palakpakan n’yo pa ako, but please reserve your applause at the end of this article. Thank you. Now, let’s play... “Who Was That Superhero?”
Let’s begin with Mar Roxas. “Mar” is Spanish for “sea.” That could be the reason he chose the color blue. Roxas (the Boulevard) is along the Manila Bay. Hence Mar was AQUAMAN!
Ayun, kaya nga siguro like a swimming pool, very close s’ya sa chlorine... or chlorina. Hmmm, sounds like Korina. Pwede.
But doesn’t that make her also Chlo-Rox for short?
Ngek!
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I don’t recall that the late and the great FPJ and President Erap portrayed a superhero in their films. Yung naka-tights at nasa labas ang briefs ha. Mabuti pa nga ako at nakapag-She-Man (The Mistress of the Universe) eh. I also did Super Wan-Tu-Tri with Tito and Vic Sotto. Batman en Robin with my son Keempee. Rene Requiestas played Joker and Panchito Alba as Tio Paeng-guin. And of course, Super Mouse and the Roborats. Ngek, maraming beses na pala akong nag-Felix Bakat!
Anyway, in the last political exercise and the first computerized elections, Erap could be the SUPERMAN. His “S” emblem could be anything — San Juan, Salonga or even Sangkatutak na Sweethearts! He didn’t need a sidekick — only sideburns. And for good measure and pleasure, maybe a little drink with a kick. Ngek!
Seriously, he could have won if it was a one-on-one fight. But Bat-Man had two support heroes — Aquaman and Robinay. That spelled the difference. Mabubugbog lang ang mga kalaban dahil sila ay BLACK and BLUE! Ngek!
And the nation, I believe, needed that dynamic duo — a team like Starzan and Cheetah-eh or Elvis and James.
Zap! Zonk! Ngok!
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Gibo was easily any of the three — the Green Lantern, the Green Arrow, or the Green Hornet. Pwera Green Cross. But he could only afford a local hero as his back-up — KAPTEN BARBELL!
Crash! Boom! Bang!
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Same with the case of the Flash Gordon — he hired, not only a very, very local hero (Bayani), but an ancient one. His first name was a brand of a local softdrink in the ‘50s. And yes, he is super — his family name was an old supermarket!
Ngak! Ngek! Ngik!
SuperManny of SmallVillar and Loren’s tandem was doomed from the start. There has never been a known team-up of superheroes composed of a boy and a girl. Si Batman and Robin nga noon na-chismis pang mag-papa eh. Girl and boy pa kaya? Parang malaswa.
Loren, even before the campaign, shifted loyalties and kept changing parties and partners. Therefore, she was Wander Woman!
And just like his assistant, Villar couldn’t make up his mind on what road to take. He also wanted to be Aquaman — that’s when he tried to swim in the sea of trash. Worse, according to most comics readers, was when he was endorsed by the “Gastis League” (Ang Liga ng mga Matitigas). Not much damage daw by the two local heroes Wapakman and Darna Kuno, but by... Ultra-Man.
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Well, the other “heroes” of the rest of the parties should just look around for a costume party. Enjoy!
You can now applaud.
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Palakpakan din natin si Susan Co, the super and wonder woman behind Puregold. They just opened their 10th Puregold Junior Store in Balibago, Angeles, Pampanga. They now have a total of 47! Ayos! But wait, there’s more — Puregold Mindanao Avenue will be opening soon. Just like other super heroes, mataas ang lipad ng Puregold... pero mababa pa rin ang presyo!