We’re lying in bed.
Stillness all around
There’s not a sound
Except in my head.
Of happy songs, children laughing.
Kids celebrating youth,
Like it never would end.
Not long ago,
They sat on our knees.
We drew cartoons, flew to the moon,
Trimmed Christmas Trees.
But time has flown
Look how they’ve grown.
Soon she’ll be you
And soon he’ll be
Like me.
There’s no rewinding, no replay,
The chance you lose today
Will be gone.
When it’s gone,
We’ll never be quite as strong
Nor as young as this again.
Make them last,
Make these moments last right now.
– No Rewind, No Replay
Words & Music: Jose Mari Chan
Jose Mari Chan wrote that song 20-plus years ago when he and his wife, MaryAnn Ansaldo, and their first three children (Liza, Joe and Michael) were living in New York from 1975 to 1986 where he worked for a sugar-trading company on Wall Street.
"My work often required me to travel to Central and South America," recalled Joe Mari. "It was during this period when my children were growing up much too fast before our eyes. One evening, I got home late from a trip to Peru and MaryAnn was relating to me how my son Michael had begun to take his first steps. And because I was away for a week, I had missed those rare precious moments. As I lay in bed that night, I thought of how fast time was passing me by and how even faster my kids were growing up. Moments forever lost never to be retrieved. Quickly enough, I learned these little lessons in life and I thought of putting them in a song for other parents whose priorities sometimes get mixed up in the frightening pace of our days."
So Joe Mari rose from bed and wrote the song that has been reverberating since then along with the dozens of hits that have earned him the title Mr. Songwriter, with several platinum records to his name (Beautiful Girl among them).
Joe Mari and MaryAnn had two more children since then, Franco and Angelica, and two grandchildren – Joaquin, son of Liza and husband TJ Parpan; and Ramona, daughter of Joe and wife Anna Buñag.
It’s Father’s Day, so Conversations has decided to zoom in on Joe Mari as a father and how he and MaryAnn have kept their marriage and family an exceptionally happy one, lit up by music which, among other things, binds them. Joe Mari has an amazing way of combining his enduring musical career with family – and business – showing all and sundry that, yes, nothing is impossible. You know, if there’s a will, there’s a way.
For a portrait of Joe Mari as a father, Conversations first talked to the five Chan siblings and then to Joe Mari.
In The Name
Of The Father...
How has your father shaped the values in your life?
Liza: My father has shaped the values in my life in that he has always encouraged me to value family, respect my elders, do my part by contributing to society in terms of both time and talent, and follow my dreams.
Joe: My Dad’s enthusiasm for life and passion for music are values that were passed on to us his kids.
Michael: My father has influenced me in, among other things, my attitude towards family. He has always stressed the importance of strong family bonds, open lines of communication and activities done together as a family.
Franco: Dad has taught me the value of two things – health and family, both of which makes a person’s life worthwhile.
Angelica: My sister and brothers have said everything. All I can say is that my Dad is a father no one can ever replace.
What do you perceive as your father’s strengths and weaknesses?
Liza: I believe that my father’s love for life, deep romanticism and compassion for others are his greatest strengths. I believe that his flashes of temper and pride are his greatest weaknesses.
Michael: His love for his family is his great strength but it can also be his weakness as it softens any disciplinary actions a father needs to take.
Franco: Dad’s strengths are his charming personality and undying generosity. His weakness is his inability to say no to the rest of us.
Angelica: His qualities start from being generous to being humble about his talent and abilities. He inspires me to give the best in whatever I do and share it with others. He’s truly one of a kind and I’m proud of that.
What have you learned from your father that you will pass on to your own children?
Liza: I hope to instill in my children the sense of wonder, strength of character and compassion for others that I learned from my father.
Franco: My single goal in life is to be a good father to my kids, no matter what I get into, and I have my Dad to thank for this.
How does a mother complement a father in one’s life?
Liza: As a relatively new mother myself, I hope to support my husband in the same way my mother complemented my father’s role by sharing the same values, practising the same religion, showing a united front and being, in my own way, a model to my children.
Michael: The role of the mother is to support the father and, together, nurture their children.
Franco: When Dad gets too excited, Mom gets rational; when Mom gets too worried, Dad gets practical. But when either of them takes a fall for the kids and the family, the other is there to catch the fall.
...And Of The Sons (And Daughters)
Did you spare the rod and spoil the children?
"I didn’t recall ever giving them the rod. Perhaps a spank on the hand when they were young. Our children know we care for them despite the strict rules in the house. When they’re out nights, MaryAnn and I don’t sleep till they’re home. The children have always known that they can come and talk to us anytime, day or night. As MaryAnn learned from her own parents, if it’s important to the children, it’s equally important to us. So we are all ears."
Are you more like a friend to them than a father?
"MaryAnn and I are both parents and friends to our children. Now that most of them are adults, we speak to them openly and we discuss everything under the sun. We try as much as possible to travel together and still do things together. When Angelica played soccer with the National Womens Team in China last month, we were there with her. When Angelica played in the Gothia and Barcelona Cups, MaryAnn was Mother Hen to her.
"My three boys are into music but I never forced them into it. Mere exposure while growing up and the genes, too, of course have turned Joe and Mike into becoming their own songwriters. Their music is even far superior to what I have written. As musicians, all three of them (including Franco) play the piano, the guitar and the bass with a proficiency that I never half achieved. Yet, they’re just as focused on work and the business which is what my own father tried so hard to teach his children.
"Sunday meals and going to church as a family are important to us especially now that two of our children are married with their own kids.
What role does music play in your relationship with them?
"When they were small, we used to play together complete with ‘background music.’ I’d hold them up and ‘fly’ them all over the room to the tune of Peter Pan’s song You Can Fly or to John William’s Superman theme.
"We played with Star Wars figures with the soundtrack in the background. I had a collection of Civil War Indians and Cavalry soldiers and we would create battle scenes to the music of General Custer.
"Music was part and parcel of growing up in our home. Just as music pervaded in my childhood home, I exposed the children to all sorts of music. Now I see the fruits of that in their appreciation of music in general."
Did you bring them up the way your father brought you up?
"Although my father had his own style of bringing me up, having come from a different background, nevertheless he taught me many good values that I’m passing on to my children. I have to say MaryAnn has been an exceptional partner in raising our five children and she’s a source of tremendous love."
Do you play favorites?
"We try not to play favorites nor to show favoritism because it breeds sibling rivalry. Some children need more attention than others so it can be a difficult balancing act sometimes. Children constantly need to know that they are all equally important to us."
If you were to sing a song to them, what would it be?
"There is no one particular song that I could sing to them to encompass all that MaryAnn and I feel for our children. A whole library of music and poetry comes to mind and would still not say enough."
Now that the children are grown, how do you treat them?
"I read somewhere that we should give our children wings and roots at the same time. Wings and freedom to be what they want to be and to maximize their individual potentials given the best education that we can give them. Yet they also need roots. Two years ago, MaryAnn and I took the whole family to China, to the tiny village where my father was born and grew up, so as to educate them on where and how hard life was when my father began...so they could appreciate him for what he achieved in his lifetime."
As a father, how do you want your children to remember you?
"I want to be remembered as a father who was caring, affectionate, fun to be with and a good provider, inspiring them to be similar parents to their own children someday."
What legacy do you want to leave with your children?
"Love of God. Loyalty to family. Generosity in spirit and in deeds. Zest for life, zest for adventure, Most of all, the capacity to love because I believe a person can only give as much as what he received growing up. Prejudice is taught, not inborn. Gentleness of heart is developed over many years from the example of our parents. Generosity is not born out of plenty but from a heart that loves."
(E-mail reactions at rickylo@phil-star.net)