SPECIAL FEATURE: If your parents are away from home (How children of OFWs cope)

CEBU, Philippines - He was only one year old when both his parents left him in the care of his maternal grandmother in Surigao City to work abroad.

Today, Lorenzo "Enzo" Madjos III is already 18. His mother still works in Kuwait while his father passed away last June.

"Financially, we're okay. But sa affection… ma-miss pud nimo nga naay mobadlong. Naay mga lola ug mga relatives, but lahi ra nga naa'y parents nga mobunal," said Enzo. With both parents away, he was almost tempted to go rebellious. But when he thought of why they were there in the first place, he would be reminded that they did not go to Kuwait to have a grand vacation. Because of this, he pushed himself, even at a young age, not to rely on anyone  else other than himself.

The children of OFWs

 Enzo was one year old when his mother, Marilyn, left him to join his father, who was already working as a heavy equipment mechanic in Kuwait even before he was born. Shortly after, he joined his parents there, but after a year, he was sent back to his grandmother in the Philippines because his parents wanted him to learn the Filipino ways and culture. But his parents brought him back to Kuwait again. It went on like that for years - with the young boy going back and forth from Surigao to Kuwait. The cycle stopped when Enzo turned nine.

Years later he moved to Cebu and stayed with relatives to study high school and later on college. In 2010, the family bought a bungalow in Cansojong, Talisay City, where Enzo and his 12-year-old brother now live with an uncle.

It was in 2011 when his younger brother Mark, who was born and raised in Kuwait, joined him in their house in Cansojong. Enzo said it is cheaper that way, if his brother would live in the Philippines than in Kuwait where the family was only renting a place and everything has a price. Enzo said his mother helped augment the family income by selling ready-to-wear clothes, cosmetic products and other items to fellow Filipinos in Kuwait.

Enzo's parents come home once a year. They planned to stay come home for good after Enzo graduates from college and gets a job in the company where his father works. But the plan was cut short when his father, Lorenzo Jr., died of liver cirrhosis last June.

Despite the perks and material things provided to them by their parents, Enzo said if he could have his way he would have his parents stay in the country. He, however, understands why they had to work abroad especially that back then they had nothing. His mother left again for Kuwait to sell what she and her husband had invested for years, and was scheduled to come home for good late this year.

Luida (not her real name) was also very young when her mother went to Hong Kong to work. She, her elder sister and an elder brother were entrusted to their father. She was nine then. She is already 30 today and her mother is still working abroad (in Canada), while her father left them after separating from her mother in 2010.

Luida said that although she enjoyed the material things provided to them by their mother, she would still prefer to have the family living under one roof. She said her mother might have been able to send her and her siblings to college but still, her mother's being away caused the misfortunes of the family, including her parents' separation.

"Lahi ang inahan nga wala kaysa sa amahan. Sa tinood lang wala nako ma-feel ang love sa akong mama. Daghang problema ang naabot sukad ni abroad siya, problema nga di makalimtan hangtod karon. Na-independent ko sa edad nga 9, lack of guidance ko kay wala akong mama," Luida lamented.

She said she grew up without a mother by her side and felt that longing for a mother's care deeper when she visited her one time in Hong Kong. Instead of sleeping beside her, as she had been anticipating for so many years, Luida's mother instead spent the entire night with her charge.

If not for financial reasons, Luida said she would have begged her mother to go home.  "Dili maayo nga nag-abroad akong mama for pila ka years. Daghang mga rason. Usa na ang akong papa nga na-involve sa ginadiling drugas, inom, sugal, ug hilabi na nga babaero kaayo akong papa," she said. Luida recalled that before her mother left, her father had no vices at all. "Sukad nga ni-abroad akong mama daghang problema ang naabot sa among kinabuhi, daghang naamong sa among problema," Luida said.

She recalled that when they were still students, she and her siblings would go to school with empty stomachs because their father had spent the money sent to them by their mother on drugs and women. It was also at this time when they were subjected to physical abuse by their father. Luida told her mother about the physical abuse but the plea for help was ignored. This went on for years until Luida's mother finally decided to leave her cheating husband.

"Wala jud maayo nga resulta ang pagpangabroad sa akong mama kay naguba ang among pamilya," she said.

Luida's husband, a seaman, is also working abroad. But she said if she had her way, she would want her husband to work in the country, fearing the same fate would befall her own family.

"Kung naa lang jud enough nga salary diri sa atong nasud, dili nalang gyud kinahanglan mogawas pa. Nganong adto pa man sa layo nga dili nimo makita adlaw-adlaw ang imong pamilya?" she said. "Unsaon man ang kwarta kung kuwang ka sa pagpangga ug dili nimo ma-feel ang love sa imong pamilya?" she added. More importantly, she said, she did not want their son to feel what she felt when her mother worked abroad.

Luida knows the sacrifices of an OFW having worked as a teacher in China two years after graduating from college.

"Na-feel nako didto nga dili lalim malayo ka imong pamilya. That time I realized nga mao sad ang na-feel sa akong mama nga naa siya sa laing nasud para lang sa iyang pamilya ug kana iyang gi-antos para lang sa iyang family," she said.

The statistics

According to the National Statistics Office (NSO), an estimated of 2.2 million OFWs are working in different parts of the world as of September 2012. The NSO said Saudi Arabia continues to be the "most preferred destination of OFWs," with 20.6 percent of the OFW population working there. There are also Filipinos in the United Arab Emirates (14.9%), Singapore (7.5%), Qatar (6.5%), and Hong Kong (5.5%). OFWs in European countries account for 8.7 percent of the 2.2 million OFWs, while those in North and South America, 7.6 percent.

From April to Sept. 2012, NSO said OFWs were able to send a total of P165.6 billion to their families here.

Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz, in a statement published in the Catholic Bishops' Conference of the Philippines website, said the best way to take care of children is to have a complete family.

Cruz, who is Judicial Vicar of the CBCP National Tribunal of Appeals, acknowledged the findings of clinical psychologists that there is "immense impact" to a child if one or both parents are not physically present.

Cruz, who processes cases of nullity of marriage, also said OFWs' indiscretions like infidelity have "a profound effect on their children's emotional and psychological well-being as well."

What the psychologists have to say

Clinical psychologist Anna Katrina Oaminal-Watin said that for the many years that she's been teaching at the University of Cebu-Banilad, she came across children of OFWs who had problems-truancy, bullying (either as the victim or the bully), academic performance and other behavioral concerns - in school. She said it happens as "children, who are at school age, need more time and attention from parents considering that it is the time where development is more crucial."

"The challenge of parenting children and adolescents is that parents need to secure the young person in what is considered an insecure time in development," Watin said.

Watin said that it is important to provide a child with his basic needs such as food, clothing, shelter and education. It is also equally important, however, to give love, the sense of belongingness, freedom, fun and achievement.

In most instances, OFWs tend to give their children the latest gadgets, toys and other material things, but Watin said that "while they may enjoy these perks and comforts, they also need and want other things like, a complete family during special occasions, a parent to talk to about a bully classmate, someone to help choose a dress to wear during the prom or a party."

"While some may enjoy the freedom, at the back of the minds of children, they would still want to be asked what time they're coming home, who they've been with, where they're going," she said, adding that the emergence of the new technology such as the Internet, has helped ease that problem of communication between OFWs and their children.

"Money is important.  It can buy the basic necessities and pay for children's tuition.  However, money is not everything.  While we agree that money can buy some sort of comfort in life, money is not the only thing that can make a family together.  Some families, they lack money and yet, they are together," Watin said.

For her part, Dr. Michelle Cellona, a licensed psychologist and chairman of Cebu Institute of Technology-University's Department of Humanities and Behavioral Sciences, said that most of the students who are children of OFWs that she has met are "performing well" in their classes. There are, however, also those who have the tendency to become rebellious not to their parents but to their guardians.

Cellona explained that if there are children who are misbehaving, it is not because their parents are away, as there are also children who act similarly even if their parents are living with them. She said if a child is misbehaving, it could be traced to absentee parents, who could be physically there yet not giving their children quality time. She said in most cases, it is always the absentee parents that need help rather than their children.

Cellona said OFWs are even closer to their children even if they are separated physically and they always find time to talk to their children online as often as possible.

If there are problems with children of OFWs, it could be traced to the wrong choice of guardians who act as parents to the kids, she said.

"OFW or not as long as you have the right role model at home, and they (the children) are reminded constantly why their parents have to leave them, then I don't think there will be a problem," she said.

Cellona said OFWs should not be blamed if some children are lost, as they left them to give them a better life. She said it is not easy for a parent to leave his child. "Way tarong nga ginikanan nga malipay nga mobiya sa ilang anak. Nag-antos na sila para hatagan og comfortable life ilang anak," she said. — /QSB (FREEMAN)