The Mind of a suicide

The side railings of the Mandaue-Mactan Bridge have been outfitted with barbed wire. The move is supposedly in response to the recent spate of suicide incidents at the bridge. It may also help soothe an alarmed public.

But while local authorities seem to be jolted by the recent suicide incidents, the problem is actually not unique to Cebu. In some societies, the problem has even approached “epidemic” proportions.

In the United States, for example, the financial crisis a few years back prompted many suicides. In about the same time, an increase in the suicide rate among the US military was also noted. The sheer number alarmed even psychotherapists who are trained in handling “mental problems.”

Here at home, we’re reminded of the suicide of high school students in a northern Cebu town. The reasons cited seemed petty enough to cost the young lives. But perhaps these were petty only to those whose minds are not overcome with burden – whether real or imagined.

Experts trace the suicide problem directly to insanity. They explain that at the very moment of committing or attempting to commit suicide, the person “is not in the right state of mind.”  But what causes the momentary lapse in judgment?

It raises curiosity in everyone as to what goes on in the mind of a person leading up to his suicide attempt. Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., writing in www.psychologytoday.com, describes the internal chatter to be any variation of – “If I don’t matter, what does matter? Nothing matters. What am I waking up for? It’s so agonizing to wake up to another morning, why bother doing it? End it. Just end it.”

“Those words,” Dr. Firestone writes, “provide a window into the thoughts or critical inner voices that drive self-destructive behavior.” She adds, “We can all learn from people who survive their suicide attempts.”

She also shares the warning signs, as well as good advice on how to help the person in distress.

Disrupted sleep. Often people who commit suicide have not slept for weeks at a time.

Isolation. The person will start pushing away her friends, wanting to be alone. If the person is pulling away from you, don’t just take it as a personal rejection. Look for evidence of his connections to other people, whether he is pulling away from everyone.

Loss of interest. Is he giving up the activities that used to matter to him, that used to be part of his identity? He might be thinking there’s no use for these because nothing matters anymore.  

Extreme self-denial, lack of pleasure. People at risk often lose the ability to find any pleasure in life. When they feel like giving up on themselves, they start to give up on other things.

Extreme self-hatred. When a person becomes involved in a downward spiral of self-destruction, his thoughts become self-hating, creating psychological pain and agitation.

Not belonging. The person may express feelings and thoughts that no one cares or that he doesn’t fit in. These thoughts may be distorted, not representing what others really think of the individual. As one woman describes it, she believed that her family didn’t love her; that her friends didn’t care, that she was different and no one could understand her experience.

A burden to others. The person perceives the world through a negative filter. For example, a young man diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which is associated with suicide risk, described he felt like a burden to his friends and family.

Positive mood change. Just before a suicide attempt, when the individual has made the decision to end his life, he may appear much calmer, happier and more relaxed. That’s because he is no longer in turmoil. Suicide seems like the “perfect solution.” Often, family and friends become less worried about the person at risk. It is important to notice these mood shifts and not to be deceived by them.

Suicidal talk. When family shows concern, the person may quickly deny that he is in distress. He is clearly ambivalent about wanting to be stopped. If he makes actual statements or alludes to suicide, take it seriously!

These things are good to keep in mind. They may save a loved one. Or oneself.