Ever wonder how to get the things you want without imposing yourself on people?
Guy Kawasaki, Apple's former chief evangelist and founder of online magazine rack, Alltop.com (of which my blog, Tribo's Cup, was lucky enough to be listed in together with such popular Philippine blogsites tonyocruz.com, PEP, and LuisTeodoro.com), recently published a book entitled Enchantment, which is more like a map for people who wish to build lasting relationships that would pave the way to getting what they want the most — success.
Enchantment: a map for success
Kawasaki pointed out, however, that to enchant someone is more than just to manipulate that person into doing what you want them to do and for you to get your way.
Enchantment "causes a voluntary change of hearts and minds and therefore actions," he said in his book. "Enchantment transforms situations and relationships. It converts hostility into civility. It reshapes civility into affinity. It changes skeptics and cynics into believers."
Exactly the things that we want to achieve with our relationships.
The formula
So, how does enchantment work?
The formula is simple: Get other people satisfied and happy with you.
"Your goal is not to make money from them or to get them to do what you want, but to fill them with great delight," Kawasaki said.
It basically anchors on the Law of Karma, which we know to be the Law of Action and Reaction, The Golden Rule, or more commonly with the adage, "Do to others as you would have them do to you (Luke 6:31)."
The first step
In his book, Kawasaki said that the first step in enchanting people is to achieve a level of likability, after all who would want to act on a favor or request of someone they don't like?
Let me share some of the ways to be liked, as Kawasaki. If you apply these simple and practical tips, you might just win the heart (or hearts) of those around you and be a step closer to getting what you want - including acing a job interview.
First impressions
When one achieves to create a good first impression, it would not be difficult for him to be liked by the other. Creating a good first impression, according to Kawasaki, would depend on four factors: smile, dress, handshake, words.
Smile. Give a genuine smile, not one that that would say, "I may be smiling, but I am totally hating you." A genuine smile, said Kawasaki, is one that creates "crow's feet" behind your eyes - those lines that appear when you squint your eyes. A genuine smile, he said, is not only achieved by the contraction of the muscles of your mouth, but also that of your eyes. "The key to a great, George Clooneyesque smile," he said, "is to think pleasant thoughts. If you're grumpy inside, it's hard to have a smile that lights up a room."
Dress. Dressing up to make a first impression can be a dilemma for most of us. Being a "no-fuss" guy, I used to go with jeans andwhite shirt for almost every engagement that I go to. This included events where guests wear knock-out dresses. Although I may have no intentions of sending any bad message, but this kind of simple dressing may send a message that says, "I don't respect you," as what Kawasaki pointed out in Enchantment. "Overdressing says, 'I'm richer, more powerful, and more important than you.' Underdressing says, 'I don't respect you. I'll dress any way that I please.'" He added that the best way to dress in making a good impression, however, is none of the two. For Kawasaki, one must dress in the same wavelength as the other, one that would say "We're peers." "You don't have to 'make a statement' and try to show people you have money, power, or great taste. The goal is likability - not superiority," he said.
Handshake. I remember one time in a travel show at SM City Cebu when I chanced upon one of the sales agent of 7,107 Islands Cruise. She was a lovely lady, but has that "Imperial Manila" attitude with her. When we shook hands, she cringed and said, "Aray, aray," as if her fragile hand was broken by my somewhat wild and untamed hand. I may have overdone my "firm" grip, but I was totally offended leading me to throw her card away. I was not surprised that their booth was swarming not with people but with flies. A handshake can make and break a deal, and as Kawasaki pointed out, it creates a first impression. Kawasaki simplified a "perfect handshake" formula by a University of Manchester professor, as follows:
• Make eye contact throughout
• Utter an appropriate verbal greeting
• Make a Duchenne smile (that's with the crow feet eyes)
• Grip the person's hand and give it a firm (not strong) squeeze
• Stand a moderate distance from the other person: not so close as to make him uncomfortable or so far away as to make him feel detached
• Make sure your hand is cool, dry, and smooth
• Use a medium level of vigor
• Hold the handshake for no longer than two to three seconds
Words.Kawasaki recommends that in order to create a great first impression, one must be wary with the words that come out of his mouth. First, it must be simple. Second, use the active voice because the passive voice is "wimpy and inefficient." Third, keep it short, because if people are interested with what you say, "they'll ask for more information." Lastly, use common and unambiguous analogies, because after all, you would want the other to relate to what you are saying. "If in doubt, use analogies that are specific to the culture of your audience or stick to common ones involving kids and family life," he advised.
These four factors are basic elements for you to create a great first impression that would open your door to the life of the people that you interact with, and eventually for you to be able to create an impression on them that, if nurtured well, could help you achieve your dreams.