Role of the Family in the Recovery of a Drug Dependent

CEBU, Philippines - Drug dependency is a disease that affects the mind, emotion, body, and soul of the addict. A drug dependent has had physical, emotional, mental, and/or spiritual problems as a result of their drug use. Think about how these problems have affected their families.

Addiction affects the family because the family interacts with the addict. As the addict becomes more dependent on drugs, the family puts more energy in coping. Instead of focusing on their own lives, they put much time feeling and worry on the addict and his addiction. They anticipate trouble, worry about their whereabouts, walk on eggshells at home, believed the addicts promises of stopping, and made excuses when their expectations where not met. Family members of addicts experience intense feelings, including anger, fear, sadness, hope, denial, depression, and perhaps eventually numbness. These feelings can lead to destructive thoughts (such as contemplating suicide) and behaviors (such as isolating themselves from others).

Drug addiction is a family disease. Like most diseases, it contaminates. It affects every member of the family and can be passed on, from one generation to another. The disease is also progressive. The longer the family is exposed to the addiction the more affected (contaminated) they become. It’s also terminal. If untreated many codependents die prematurely or get very sick physically. Codependent related deaths are through suicides, accidents, strokes, heart attacks, etc. Each family experiences addiction differently. Some of the common problems that surface are:

Denial – This is family members minimizing what is happening or refuse to admit to themselves and others that the problem exists.

Enabling – This is family members covering-up for the addict by making excuses to themselves and others for problems caused by substance dependence such as: paying their debts; redeeming items they pawned; making excuses for them at work/school; and even blaming others for the drug use.

Rigid Patterns – Over time, family members accept drug use as normal, and the problem becomes the center of attention. The family gets caught in on-going destructive patterns of reacting and calming down.

Self-deception – Then the family members talk themselves into believing they can help or change the situation by trying just a little bit harder.

Blaming – Here the family will blame others for the problem and for things done by the addict, saying that he/she would not do that if these others were not around.

Rescuing – Here the family members will make excuses for the addict so that he does not have any problems at school or work. Such as calling the office or school saying the addict is sick and can’t go to work/school when in fact the addict is sleeping because of a late night out or has a bad hangover from excessive drinking.

But let’s get one thing straight, the family members do so because they truly believe that they are helping the addict. They have not realized though that they are saving the addict from facing the consequences of the addicts own choice in his/her behavior/ actions.

Drug addiction commonly affects the following areas of the lives of the family members: Financial; Legal; Marital; School; Home; Work; Friendship. Then the family members when dealing with the addict feels: Angry; depressed; powerless; confused; betrayed; isolated; ashamed; uneasy; worried; and embarrassed.

Accepting drug addiction as a family disease is often the key to overcoming the shame, guilt and stigma of drug addiction, but it is nearly impossible to do this alone. It is important to realize that others play a part in our achieving a sense of self accepting and taking action to have a better and happier life, likewise improving family relationships. 

A lot of research and information are available to help cope with addiction. The family has to also recover, having been affected by the disease, and as a recovering person, the family will no longer become a part of the problem but a part of the solution, to repair and strengthen relationships. Here are some steps to start the process:

1. Get Out of the Denial. Admit that there is a problem and that you don’t have the solution.

2. Remove Doubt. Believe that someone/something else can help you. Believe that there is help for as long as you ask for it.

3. Do not be defiant. Surrender to the help that is given to you. Get involved with other family members and talk to them and learn to understand drug addiction and family issues.

4. Go to Family Support group meetings Nar-anon; Al-anon or CoDA (every Tuesday @ 7:30pm to 8:30pm at the St. Gerard Chapel of the Redemptorist Church).

When the drug addict is actively using, he acts out and the family members react. When the addict is in recovery, the family has to learn and know more about the disease of addiction, how it affects the addict and the family as a whole. The best support the family can give the addict is to learn how to stop supporting the addiction. The family has to learn how to take care of themselves and stop taking care of the addict, letting the addict suffer the consequences for his/her choice to take drugs. For no addict will ever stop using if he/she never faces the natural consequences of their action! Likewise the family member has to go through their own recovery program, so as not to go back to the same unhealthy relationship with the addict. After treatment of the addict, the family members will be faced with a lot of triggers, especially if the addict still lives with the family or is supported by the family. Therefore the family has to continue with their own recovery by continuously going to support group meetings or having a support group, and getting in touch with the recovery community.

Should you have any questions or need more information, please feel free to contact us at 32-2315229 or 32-2389143.