Be a “Lady in Shining Armor”

Chivalry. The word itself sounds outdated and seems to connote a guy thing. With the term originating from the noble practices of knighthood, it has been through the years, associated with men and is said to have lost its meaning in contemporary times. But the truth is, there is a place for chivalry in this modern world. And it doesn’t always have to be done exclusively by men. In fact, while most guys lean toward the “each to his own” mentality nowadays, women could carry on with their own chivalric mindset. They could revive the age-old custom of placing honor, courtesy and generosity without waiting for their male counterparts to do it for them. Twenty-first century women should not let the idea of chivalry be buried in the graveyard of time. By following this code of conduct, they could perform their duties and routine functions courteously. In return, they could establish good interpersonal relationships even with complete strangers. They could use it as an exemplary point in their quest for gender equality (what men can do, they can also do). Plus, it’s a potent way of presenting the well-bred woman in them, whatever the occasion may be. You too can be a lady in shining armor. Be it in romance and in other aspects of your life, you certainly can be a woman who knows proper decorum and is sensitive to the things and people around her. Here are ways you can be chivalrous and still retain your femininity:

Stand up when a person enters or leaves the room. It’s actually a basic gesture that everyone forgets to practice these days. Standing when an elder, or a very important person, enters a room or departs from it signifies politeness in your part. It sends out the non-verbal message that you are acknowledging his or her presence. Whether you’re on a dinner get-together, on an emergency meeting with your bosses, or on a visit to your special someone’s house. Show your respect when somebody comes into the room.

Graciously give up your seats on public transportations. Never mind if most men pretend to be half-asleep or half-blind during the trip. Never mind if PUVs and railway transits are often cramped like cans of sardines. Take the initiative to offer your seat (when others wouldn’t budge an inch) to the elderly, the disabled, and the pregnant ladies. It may take some physical exertion to last the remainder of the journey; but what’s a little sacrifice if it means doing the right thing? When you’re out on a date with your man, occasionally offer to pick up the tab. He who invites first should be the one to take care of the expenditures. That’s SOP. But the dating game has become so freewheeling nowadays that partners splitting up their expenses isn’t shocking anymore. More than the “anything goes” tendency, though, sharing in the payables only shows how comfortable you are with each other.

Don’t pick up or spread rumors about coworkers. There are hush-hush stories of your newest office recruit being a closet queen. There are reports that your female boss is stealing from the company’s coffers. Nasty talks like these can damage people’s lives in more ways than one, whether they’re guilty or not. The simple act of chivalry here would be not to pass mere hearsay. Let the gossip stop with you.

Be the first to phone every now and then. Don’t make it a personal rule that anyone who has to do business with you should be the first to call. Whether it’s your sweetheart whom you want to chat with or your coworker who might have something to clarify, pick up the phone to illustrate that you care.

Try not to interrupt your man when he is speaking. Let him finish his statements before you even think of butting in. Especially when you’re in the presence of other people—his friends and family, especially—keep your mouth shut unless it’s really necessary for you to cut through the oral exchange of ideas. You wouldn’t want to embarrass your man by controlling and dominating the conversation. You may be smarter than your partner in myriad issues, but you should know when it’s time to keep your ego in check and listen to him. The same applies to other people you encounter at work, at home, and in other places.

Defy tradition without being condescending. Do the mundane things with class, not because you think they are mandatory. Hold the umbrella for your man. Help him wear his suit and tie. Carry some of your female buddy’s bags when she’s traveling and her hands are full. Fetch her when she’s stranded somewhere. When your man lets you get inside the car first, open the driver’s door for him in return. Old-fashioned manners do survive the passing of time. Do your part in preserving these.

Return a lost object that you’ve accidentally picked up. In a recent episode of an investigative TV program, people were secretly put to a test by exposing them to wallets that carried 200 pesos inside. Included in the “lost wallets” were the names and contact numbers of the purported owners. Findings from the staged scenario revealed that some folks who had retrieved the wallets never bothered to return them. Do away with this “finders keepers” tendency. Whether it’s a high-end cell phone you discover in a taxi’s passenger seat, an expensive makeup kit inside the ladies’ room, an envelope with a bundle of crisp peso bills, make an effort to give back these tempting objects to their rightful owners. The hard times are not excuse to dishonesty.

Stop to help a motorist change a flat tire. When you’re driving and you pass by a fellow motorist in distress, pull over. Offer your assistance politely. Maybe you can help remove the busted wheel yourself. Or you may hand the person some tools. However, an act of chivalry like this should come with a dash of precautionary measures. If you’re traveling alone, stopping by an isolated road to help a “Damsel-in-distress” or a gentleman-in-a-fix may be risky. Equally hazardous is stopping at nighttime. So unless you’re traveling with a group, it’s broad daylight or you’re confident that the stranded motorist is harmless, be very careful in extending your hand.

Defend other women from jerks. Is your female friend a perpetual victim of her cheating boyfriend? Confront the offending party, with your buddy’s consent, and tell him about her long-held grievances. Present your fiend’s case without sounding as if you’re meddling with their affair. You can also offer to mediate; make them tackle the problem with you acting as some kind of a referee. When you see a woman being harassed by suspicious-looking characters on the street, foil the act by letting the goons realize that they are being see. And be prepared to defend yourself. If not, call the attention of the police immediately.