Shyness often develops out of a young person's vague self-concept. Not knowing fully what or who he's supposed to be, he is uncertain of how to conduct himself with others. His actions are generally awkward. And the many changes occurring in his body all the more add to his confusion. In this fix, he finds it safer to be alone.
Adolescent shyness, of course, is a passing condition. It usually goes away with age. However, this passing youthful dilemma can sometimes have far-reaching repercussions for the young person, if left unabated. Simple shyness can develop into a debilitating personality disorder and, hence, undermine the kid's prospects in life.
Dr. Philip Zimbardo, a Stanford University psychologist who is a leading authority on the subject of shyness, says that most cases of shyness are simple. Majority of shy people only have trouble with the basics, like carrying a small talk, smiling to a stranger, or even saying hello. And these things are not at all hard to learn.
Parents and other responsible adults can help a lot by providing young people with both encouragement and social training. For instance, every word of affirmation will have significant impact on the shy kid's self-concept. It is like a magic pill to boost the child's belief in his own personal power to overcome his fear of social encounters.
Moreover, the following tips will be very helpful:
Get the child to confront the problem. Let the shy kid view his shyness as a challenge to beat. Explain the benefits to gain in acquiring self-confidence and good social skills. Describe to him what prize awaits his efforts in the end, as well as the possible loss if he allows his shyness to rule.
Identify the cause of the shyness. Ask the child to take note of every person or social situation that tends to make him feel uneasy, inferior or scared. Then, discuss with him each shyness trigger he identifies. Point out the irrationality of his shyness-that, for the most part, it is all a product of his own faulty perceptions.
Encourage self-expression. Encourage the shy kid to express himself freely. Make him understand that there's nothing to be ashamed about his ideas so long as they are sincere. Explain to him that everyone is unique and that it's alright to be himself. Every successful attempt by the child to express or assert himself, even if only in a small way, must be acknowledged, if not celebrated, to encourage the child to continually build on it. This will improve his self-image.
Let the child develop social skills. Life is a social event. Everyone lives in community with everyone else and, oftentimes, success depends on how well one gets along with others. Make the kid understand this.
Enlist the child in group undertakings where the focus is on the activity and not on himself. If possible, put him together with other shy kids. The company of others of his kind will be less intimidating for him. It can make him see how shy other kids can be. So, he won't feel so alone or so different. This can motivate him to slowly come out of his shell.
Special arts classes, especially in performance arts, can greatly help improve the child's self-confidence in facing people. For instance, a training in acting or dancing can develop personal grace and good poise. There may be several of these classes offered at the malls this summer. (Check the pages of The Freeman for possible advertisements of these programs.)
Timid children must be trained to talk to and interact with others in order to brush up on their communication and social skills. A good start is saying hello. One-word responses to questions while in a conversation must be avoided. Answers like "Yes", "No", "Maybe" and "Okay" can quickly kill an otherwise lively exchange.
Reading also helps. Newspaper reports and magazine articles are good sources of interesting topics, which can be easily brought into any conversation. An exciting story can effectively veer the focus away from the self. In effect, the shy kid will be less self-conscious and more relaxed.
Personal weaknesses can be improved, and fears of social encounters overcome. Shy kids must be assured that their lack of self-confidence is a natural but temporary course in their passage into maturity. That it will pass with age and more experience. Most of the time, it takes only a caring adult to pull a withdrawn young fellow from the shadowy ditch of shyness and into the full light of a confident, vibrant social life.