The Lindsay Lohan massacre

The thriller I Know Who Killed Me is known for three things: for its star Lindsay Lohan’s first sex scene; for its terrible title; and, for being the winner of eight Golden Raspberry (Razzie) Awards, including the first ever award in a new category, “Worst Excuse for a Horror Movie.” As I was watching it belatedly last night, I kept on wondering what the hell Lindsay was thinking, shooting that film. Worse, Julia Ormond co-stars in it too.

It wasn’t that the film was outright terrible—it was of popcorn-movie caliber, the kind you watch when there’s nothing else showing on cable TV at midnight. The main characters were high school seniors, so you get a shot of the high school movie feel. Lindsay had some sexy scenes, so that’s a side of her we haven’t seen before, at least where movies are concerned. The serial killer is also terribly violent, and that’s always a plus. I’ve seen worse, and I Know Who Killed Me is definitely not at the bottom of the pile. But, I have to admit that it was bad.

Lindsay plays stigmatic twins who were separated at birth. Stigmatic twins are able to share their ideas, feelings, and, worse, pain with each other. When Aubrey, the twin who got it good, was abducted by a serial killer, Dakota, the twin who ended up with the crack addict mother and is “an exotic dancer at a gentleman’s club,” ends up losing the same limbs that was cut off from Aubrey. The cutting off limbs part is horror movie juicy—there are scenes that show fingers being frozen in ice then cut off—but the motive is laughable. In the end, it is revealed that the killer is Aubrey’s piano teacher. His motive? He cuts off the limbs of his students and leaves them somewhere to die—when they express the intention to quit playing the piano.

What’s ironic in this critically-reviled movie is that Lindsay plays twins. She shot into fame playing twins in The Parent Trap.

There was one thing I also remembered while watching Lindsay screaming her heart out as her frost-bitten middle finger was being sliced off from her hand. It was what Kris Aquino said a long time ago, when she was considered the Queen of Massacre Films: “Ewan ko ba kung bakit, pero parang gustong-gusto nila ako makita na nire-rape at pinapatay.” Or something like that.

Maybe this time it applies to Lindsay too, whose life is publicly spinning out of control. Her mug shot was recently used in a campaign against drunk driving.

American Idol Final Three, finally

For the third time in a row, my bet for one-third of the American Idol Final Three was booted out. Jason Castro deserved it too, after his terrible performance last week. Whoever said Jason “shot the tambourine man” was right on. I wish Syesha Mercado the best of luck—she’s been showing remarkable improvement—but I think either of the two Davids  (Archuleta and Cook) will end up in the finals.

Then again, I’ve been wrong before.

I’m pretty happy about the Top Ten, who will get to tour the United States after the American Idol finals. This tour is also important, because it will give the non-winners much needed extra mileage, and this can pave their way to a career (not necessarily singing; some also-rans have done well as media personalities) or be their spectacular send-off  to a life of anonymity after their fifteen minutes of fame.

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