How to protect yourself from your abuser
In our radio program last Saturday, “Babaye Bililhon Ka,” over DYRF, our topic was “Domestic Violence.” I cited the different kinds of domestic violence. We had an interaction with a lady caller who confided that her husband is an abuser, especially when he is drunk. He would hit her and threw insults at her. At times when she could not take in his abuses anymore she would fight back and had to use objects to defend herself. She said that it’s truly difficult and disturbing to have a husband who is an abuser.
She further related that her husband has no job and is an alcoholic and a chain smoker. He becomes more violent when someone in the family talks back, especially their 16 year old daughter who would always remind him of his vices and his being unemployed. Her being termagant also triggered his anger.
In the long years that they have been married, she has learned not to mind his coming home late at night. She didn’t want to be hit again. Her advise to the young listeners: “Choose your husband well and be guided by the Holy Spirit so that you’ll not marry an abuser.”
According to the wikiHow.com, “Domestic violence or intimate partner violence comes in many forms. The most commonly portrayed form is physical violence. Abusive partner can use physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse to maintain power and control over their victims. However, there are things you can do to help protect yourself against domestic violence, both while you are in an abusive situation and after you have left.”
Our source suggests the following ways:
Stay away from dangerous places in the home. This includes rooms such as closets, bathrooms, and other small places where you might not able to leave. Find a room with a door or window if you can. If the situation escalates, you’ll be able to leave.
Avoid rooms like the kitchen. Abusers can use many things in a kitchen, including knives, as weapons.
If you can, find a room that locks from the inside. Lock your abuser out.
Give the abuser what she/he wants, if necessary. If you are in a dangerous situation, consider giving the abuser what she/he is demanding. Remember that you have the right to protect yourself and stay safe.
Get a phone. If you have a cellphone, keep it with you all the time. If you don’t have, find one so that you can get help during emergency. Call the police in case of emergency.
Get out of the house if you can. It could take some time for the police to respond to your call. If it’s possible, run to your neighbor’s house for safety.
Open a bank account in your own name. One of the ways many abusers maintain their control of their victims is financially.
Contact the police, an attorney, or legal aid through domestic violence agency about your children. If your children are minors, your abusers may be able to accuse you of kidnapping.
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