Eight stupid practices and how idiots would explain them

Whether a function of shrinking airfare or a more robust economy, Pinoys have undoubtedly become seasoned travelers who zip across continents in search of pleasure or livelihood. As global citizens with an excellent grasp of the English language, along with most professions and crafts you can think of, Filipinos are prime examples of malleable, efficient, excellent, and compassionate workers. Add to this our often-cited conscientiousness and responsibility when on foreign soil. Generally, we are model citizens—much like how our candidates are perennial favorites in international beauty tilts.

Until we get behind the wheel, that is. But we’ll get to that in a bit.

Speaking of traveling abroad, these jaunts invariably bring with them numerous realizations both good and bad. For instance, while we ultimately find ourselves pining for intimately familiar Filipino food—even in the midst of such continental delights as steaks and grills—we also marvel at how public transportation works like clockwork in many countries, and how drivers (generally) display discipline that is largely absent from our recently re-blocked EDSA.

To be fair, local agencies such as the Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA) have been working feverishly to arrive at a decisive solution to the crippling traffic. Short of banning vehicles from using EDSA altogether, what we need is to curtail the brain freeze that will continue to stymie every bright idea to solve our traffic woes. The question remains: how can we be such upstanding individuals when we take our passports places, only to revert to zombies with a license to drive upon our return?

Compound this Jekyll-Hyde personality with a dose of road rage (something we may not willingly admit to), and you have a cocktail of chaos and disorder. I certainly have wished ill and middle finger upon many a callous and inconsiderate motorist in my more than two decades of driving.

Really though, how can anyone justify the following maneuvers that drivers perform regularly—as if it were part of their malignant driving DNA? Maybe someone out there holds the key to weeding out these habits. Here are some questions, as well as some possible answers I have proffered (channeling the offender/s), in italics. See if you agree with me.

1.            Why do drivers insist on swerving in and out of lanes, while dispensing with the use of turn signals? If we use turn signals, the car in the next lane would just speed up to cut us off. As such, do not tip them off that you’re changing lanes. Changing lanes make a journey faster. Always transfer to the one that’s moving faster.

2.            Why do some drivers counter-flow when traffic builds up? This doesn’t just screw up the opposite or oncoming lane; it’s downright dangerous and can cause a head-on collision. Some drivers are meant to suffer in traffic; I am not one of them. There is a word for drivers who do not care to or want to: ability. I get to my destination faster—that’s all that matters.

3.            Has the zipper method totally escaped us? What zipper method? The rule on the roads is that aggressive drivers take precedence over wussies. If you hesitate, you get left behind.

4.            Why do jeepney and bus drivers insist on getting passengers in the middle of the road? It’s actually the passengers’ fault. They board when and where they please. They get down when or where they want. While we’re at it, we drivers are only trying to eke out a living. Give us a break.

5.            Why do drivers not respect the pedestrian lane? Pedestrians are obstacles that slow us as we get from Point A to B. Pedestrians must respect vehicles, and not the only way around. They have no place on the road.

6.            Why don’t we follow traffic signals at night? Traffic signals, just like pedestrian lanes, are only suggestions—to be followed when traffic enforcers are present. All bets are off when the sun goes down. I do make sure to check if there are incoming vehicles before I cross. Safety first, of course.

7.            Why do many motorcycle riders insist on not wearing helmets? It messes up the hair, and makes it sweaty and smelly. Besides, what are the chances of the rider getting into an accident?

8.            Why is that people use spots reserved for disabled parking when they shouldn’t? They’re usually the most convenient spots, and I don’t see many disabled persons using them anyway. When the parking facility is full, I have the right to use these spots, don’t I?

As that favorite PUV sign goes: GOD BLESS OUR TRIP.