26 pet peeves on the road

Manila, Philippines - Pet Peeves. We all have them. And if you have spent more than ten minutes driving in Metro Manila, you’ll know that the hardest part about writing this article was keeping within the theme and cutting it down to just 26. But I’ll try.

These things peeve me off so much that other day, I actually set up a Facebook account under the name ‘Nobody’ so that every time I see a post or a picture of a pet peeve of mine, I click ‘Like’ so the author gets a notification saying Nobody liked your post/photo. Actually, this is only half true because I had to put a family name, which was an adjective, but for the sake of our younger or sensitive readers, I’ll just leave that one to your imagination. But you get my point, hopefully.

Because most of this stuff I’m talking about is elementary. So what exactly are my pet peeves? Well, they’re no different to most of yours I’m sure. In fact, when I posed the question on my personal profile page, I got over 130 comments in less than 12 hours. And there were many duplicates. These are usually behaviors that you thought were ironed out in the earlier stages of evolution, yet somehow, still exist today, providing perhaps the best explanations yet for the missing links. (They are not the perceived gap in the hominid evolutionary record, but rather, those neanderthals you see on our roads that do the following.)

1. The intersection blocker

You know the type. And they’re almost always buses. He/she has nowhere to go, yet will block an intersection or take up that sole gap that could free up traffic coming the other way. It’s the if-I-can’t-go-anywhere-neither-can-you attitude that really gets me. The only way to solve this is to install a set of spikes at every intersection. They are down when the lights are green, but two seconds after they turn red, bam! They shoot up. Boom! How much is a set of tires these days? It could also address those armored cars that love beating the red light. Two turds with one stone.

2. The Counterflower

Here’s a person that is blurring the line between the animal kingdom and the plant kingdom, and clearly has the brain matter of the latter. Best way to deal with these arrogant fools is to use the same principal that car parks have employed for decades. One-way spikes. If you are traveling in the right direction, you won’t have a problem, but approach it from the other way, badabingbadaboom! Bet you’re smiling now just picturing it.

3. Helmet-less motorcycle cops

Actually this goes for all motorcyclists, but seeing a cop that publicly breaks the law he is trusted to uphold is no different to hearing a mother calling her own kid a sonoffa...

4. Traffic enforcers overriding perfectly working traffic lights

If a traffic enforcer must override a traffic signal light for any legitimate reason, they must disable it and set it to flashing yellow to indicate so.

5. The I-overtook-you-only-to-dive-on-my-brakes-to-make-my-turn-guy

Seriously? Bet this is the same guy that cuts in front of you in line at the fast food counter and then has no idea what he wants to order.

6. The haphazard hazard user

A hazard light is meant to alert people to a, wait for it, you ready? A HAZARD. Haz.ard |hazard| noun. a danger or risk: A potential source of danger: a fire hazard | a health hazard. Or in this case, a vehicle hazard—like you broke down and you’re letting people know about it. Rain is not a hazard. Nor is parking illegally or circling a mall waiting for your boss.

7. Left-lane hogger

This guy feels he is the human speed-limiter, keeping everyone at a pre-prescribed 60 (or worse, 40) kph. It is an overtaking lane, bro. If you’re not doing any overtaking, that is kind of your cue to get back in the middle.

8. Armored trucks with no regard to traffic lights and laws

9. Wang Wang users

Yes, they’re back.

10. Aggressive back up vehicles and rent-a-cop motorcycle escorts.

Don’t even get me started on this one.

11. The idiot who keeps it on high beam

This goes for when you are behind us, too. Not just for oncoming traffic.

12. Watch-your-car-boys

13. Jeepneys that load and unload in the middle of the road

They do it usually side by side (instead of staggered) with the jeep going the other direction just so they can build up a line longer than the one outside the Apple store when a new iPhone comes out.

14. Random smoke-belching tests

They target private vehicles but can’t seem to notice the 12-ton bus or truck behind it spewing clouds of black smoke.

15. The guy who can clearly see you are backing into a parking space and goes in nose first

16. The double parker

And no, switching on your hazard lights do not make it legal or any less annoying.

17. Underbone motorcycles with excruciatingly loud open tail pipes

18. Drivers that speed up to block you once you indicate that you’re changing to his lane

19. Getting tooted by the guy behind you the millisecond the light goes green

20. Getting tooted by the guy behind you when the light is still red

21. People who can’t get the concept of a rotunda

22. People who cut in line

23. People who are sitting at a red light on a turn-only lane but are going straight, blocking everyone else who wants to turn

24. The cash payer in the E-pass lane

25. Village security guards who know exactly who you are but won’t let you in without a sticker

26. Being restricted to just listing 26 pet peeves