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Motoring

If Captain America were a car, he'd be a...

- the STAR Motoring staff -

MANILA, Philippines - This is serious business. It’s not often that we’re asked by S.H.I.E.L.D. directors to nominate four-wheeled alter egos of some of the world’s bravest and most heroic superheroes. We have to be accurate and astute with our automotive choices. No gratuitous flattery. No pandering or patronizing. And definitely no pissing off Dr. Bruce Banner. We wouldn’t like him when he’s angry..

Director Fury, assembled here are our educated suggestions...

Kap Maceda Aguila

Iron Man: Tony Stark has never been accused of understatement, and that’s why you might as well imagine him as a Ferrari 458 Spider, a quixotic exotic sans top—and budgetary restraints. Seats Miss Potts, too.

Hulk: Opting for the biggest, baddest tractor head would be too easy—and too Optimus Prime. Ford’s F-Series Super Duty might do the trick. A pickup truck to demolish all other puny vehicles, it packs 400 hp via a monstrous 6.7-liter V8. This hulking brute promises to smash through traffic gridlock.

Captain America: Suffused with nationalism for Old Glory, Captain America is the quintessential national superhero. And can any ride be more American than the muscle car? Ford’s Shelby GT500 is one mean machine, too, boasting “the most powerful production V8” good for 650 horses.

Thor: A Teutonic ride as the Norse god? Why not? The Volkswagen Touareg is a great midsize SUV humming with a robust V6 under the hood—not approximating the peerless powers of Thor, but certainly reflecting his proud heritage. Weird name, too.

Black Widow: Despite all her lethal skills, the Black Widow is easy to underestimate because of her comely face. That’s what the Porsche 911 Turbo is—a friendly face hiding killer performance. Its flat six can, depending on variant, churn out as much as 530 ponies.

Hawkeye: Clint Barton’s quiver turns him into Hawkeye, just like Bruce Wayne’s belt makes him Batman. Give Batman the Batmobile; I imagine the sweet-shooting archer as an equally sharp Lexus LFA. Aim it down the street and let ‘er rip!

Nick Fury: The SHIELD director needs to be formal to a fault. How else can he make those superheroes follow orders? Imagine Fury as an Aston Martin Rapide: 5.9-liter DOHC V12 generating 470 hp. Compelling.

Loki: A ride fit for a demi-god can be a demi-god itself. Consider the Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG. This convertible grabs and commands attention as Loki does—and not just because of the three-pointed star on its grille.  It’s a rumbling, V8-powered supercar that will make people kneel in worship. Loki, indeed.

Angel Rivero

Ironman: Red Audi R8. Super high-tech engineering. Meticulous craftsmanship. Power-on-demand. Shiny badass design.

Hulk: Green Hummer H2. Massive. Sheer brawn. Can smash through almost anything.

Captain America: Blue Ford Mustang. All-American. A muscle-car. So awesome even if it’s vintage.

Thor: Yellow Land Rover Defender. Its power is out of this world. Can take you places otherwise impossible to reach. Mighty classic.

Black Widow: Black Lotus Elise. Deadly beautiful. Extremely agile. Sexy.

Hawkeye: Black Subaru Impreza WRX STI. Do not judge by its unintimidating appearance. It is monstrously precise!

Nick Fury: Black Pagani Zonda R. Highly specialized. If looks could kill...

Loki: Green Mini Cooper. Puny god!

Manny N. De Los Reyes

Iron Man: The Audi R8 seems tailor-fit for Tony Stark; and the hot, new Acura NSX looks smashing in Avengers. But if Tony Stark really wanted the ultimate, he would have gotten the fastest production car in the world: the 430-kph, 1,200-hp, 8-liter, 16-cylinder Bugatti Veyron Super Sport—the perfect car for a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist.

Hulk: A bombproof Humvee (not the civilian Hummer). Heck, they drop these things on parachutes from choppers.

Captain America: The first Avenger is vintage—as in WWII vintage. So it’s only appropriate that Steve Rogers gets a vintage American race car. And with a mission to vanquish the foreigners. That can only be the 1965 Shelby Daytona Coupe. In Brilliant Blue with stars and stripes, of course.

Thor: Norse mythology has its origins in Scandinavia. So what better car to represent the god of thunder than a car that has a Viking shield for a grille? Thor has ruggedness, power and speed—something the Volvo XC60 R-Design has in spades. With a modified turbocharged 3-liter inline-6 powerplant generating 325 hp, the sound system will be pumping out the lyrics: Hammer Time! 

Black Widow: Stealthy, ultra-quick and extremely capable. These words describe sexy Agent Romanoff and the equally curvaceous Jaguar XKR to a tee. 

Hawkeye: Quick. Lightweight. Accurate. A Lotus Evora is the perfect analog to an arrow. Deadly on the racetrack, too.

Nick Fury: A big, black, heavily tinted bulletproof 700-hp twin-turbo V12-powered Maybach Exelero. Need we say more? 

Loki: An old Volvo 244. It’s damn near indestructible and is one of Guiness’ “oldest running car” world record holders. You’d have to be to withstand that kind of thrashing from the Hulk.

Andy Leuterio

Iron Man: Honda NS-X. ‘Nuff said

Hulk: M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank. Indestructible, and tears things up everywhere it goes. Its alter ego is...a Toyota Prius!

Captain America: Chevy Corvette. The First Avenger deserves the first American Sports Car

Thor: Volvo S60 T6. Powerful, aloof, and supposedly a lot of fun to hammer around

Black Widow: Dodge Viper: sexy, lethal, handle with caution

Hawk Eye: Lotus Exige. Not much power there, but sharp and fast as an arrow

Nick Fury: Porsche 911 GT3. no-nonsense sports car, and all about getting down to business.

Loki: MB SL 65 AMG. “It is much better to be feared than to be loved.” - Niccolo Machiavelli

James Deakin

Iron Man: While the NSX and Audi R8 seem an obvious choice, I’d go with a Pagani Zonda Cinque. Like his suit, there’s only a handful built. It’s powerful, flashy, obnoxious and with over 750 hp and a V12 engine, also has a drinking problem—even if it could run on pure libido alone.

Hulk: TVN Dominator 2. And no, it’s not in your local Chevy dealership. It’s Discovery Channel’s one-of-a-kind, custom-built, storm-chasing, twister-surviving, wrecking ball that’s built up from a GMC Yukon (Chevy Tahoe) designed to survive Armageddon. 

Captain America: Gotta be a Corvette. It would have to be a white one with red-and-blue racing stripes. Would have gone Camaro, but another action hero kind of got the copyright on that. It’s all-American, all muscle, and can be a real bad boy when it gets pissed off.

Thor: Volvo C30 Le Mans edition. A Viking must have a Swedish car. Hello? And a powerful one at that. This Le Mans edition C30 sums it up with head-turning looks and more grunt than you could ever imagine being squeezed into a body that size. It may just be a concept, but then again, so is Thor. 

Black Widow: Aston Martin DB7. Sleek, strong, sexy, and bought out by a large American company at one point. 

Hawkeye: A BMW Z8. Or any Bond car that fires arrows or other weapons. Sharp and accurate, not overly in-your-face, and an unmistakable classic that only the discerning will remember.

Nick Fury: 1966 Ford GT40 Gulf Mk 1. Another classic Amercian with legendary historic battles and track heritage—and still the granddaddy of all these muscle cars.

Loki: A Saab. Any Saab. Strange-looking, Nordic, and now defunct.

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