Metrosexuals Not Wanted

Here is a car that should appeal to every red-blooded male who’d eat nails first than watch Sex and the City. A car that, if it were to be christened by its owner, might be named something like “Rip” or “Fang”. I’m not aware of any Hollywood type endorsing the car, but if ever there were, I nominate Bruce Willis from his ripped, torn, bloodied, and badly-in-need-of-a-shower Die Hard days. The Dodge Caliber, you see, is first and foremost about making a statement, and an unprintable one at that due to the fact that it’s the phrase we most often would like to use to tell someone we don’t like to, uhh... procreate somewhere else.

The Dodge Caliber is Chrysler’s (through CATS Motors) smallest offering, a passenger car with SUV-class accommodations, priced in the same area as the more effeminate Volvo C30 and the driving-oriented BMW 1-Series. The bold lines with their exaggerated fenders and crosshair grille are trademark Dodge, giving it a “big truck” look that belies its compact dimensions. Think of it as a more politically correct Hummer. It makes you look like you’re packing some firepower in the glovebox, even if the deadliest item in the car is the nifty rechargeable flashlight.

If you were thinking it would have traditional Detroit iron under the hood in the form of a V6, you’ll be surprised that it’s actually an inline-4.

The Caliber that CATS brings in is the “SXT” variant, powered by a modern twincam, 16-valve 2-liter unit rated at 158 PS and 19.1 kg-m of torque. Chrysler has never been known for making outstanding small engines (the Caliber’s predecessor, the Neon, was criticized for having a thrashy unit), but in the Caliber’s case, the new engine is a joint venture among DaimlerChrysler, Hyundai, and Mitsubishi called GEMA (Global Engine Manufacturing Alliance). Just in case you’d want to know, the engine is also available as a 1.8 and a 2.0 in the US market.

Mated to a Continuously Variable Transmission with a sequential manual override, the engine is as smooth as anything that, ah, Hyundai and Mitsubishi put in their cars, with linear power delivery and a hushed (but not really sporty) engine note. If you can get over the disappointment that a car that looks as bad-@$$ as this should have a rumbling V6, you’ll like it just fine. Caliber-wise, think of it as a 9 millimeter then, definitely not a .50. At least it’s not a .22, right?

Like Chrysler’s other override systems, manually shifting means tapping the tall, piston-like lever left or right instead of the usual forward and backward. It takes some getting used to, but frankly, when you’re overtaking one or two cars on a twisting two-lane road, it’s not as much fun as the latter system. Leave it in “D” and the drivetrain (it’s front-wheel drive, by the way) is adequately responsive for everyday commuting, if delivering less than stellar fuel economy. You’ll get 5-6 kpl in the city, and around 9 on the highway. Like most American and European cars though, the throttle pedal travel is quite long compared to the shorter travel of Japanese makes, so in the city you’ll be constantly digging into the gas to get moving. Of course, the upside is that on long stretches you don’t have to step too deeply on the go-pedal.

The Caliber rides on front struts and a rear multilink system that’s been tuned for comfort over performance. Despite its small car dimensions, it has a ride not unlike its much-larger cousin, the Durango SUV. Potholes disappear under the suspension, and you sort of hear rather than feel the ruts in the road. Unfortunately, all the dialed-in compliance, the suspension travel, and the high center of gravity of its SUV-like profile penalize handling dynamics.

Between the C30, the 1-Series, and this, it would be my last choice for entering a hill climb race. The front end just erupts in understeer if you enter a corner at 7/10ths pace, and with copious amounts of body lean too (mine, the car’s, and my annoyed wifey). Driver sightlines are also reminiscent of a pillbox, owing to the Caliber’s form-over-function styling. From the driver’s seat, the view forward is also not unlike a Durango’s in that you don’t have a clear idea of where the front bumper ends. To the back, the thick C- and D-pillars with their blackout trim result in large blind spots.

At least the brakes are reliable. The all-disk setup, supplemented with ABS, delivers sure stopping power, yet another positive similarity with firearms.

This car is at its best when the going is straight ahead, where it can give you that big-SUV feel without the niggling problems of finding an adequately-sized parking space or the humongous fuel bill.

Inside, the cabin rivals a Honda CR-V’s in spaciousness and thoughtfulness, if not in style. The angular, plasticky dashboard looks like it was styled by a high schooler during Physics class, but very nice details include a refrigerated glovebox and even an Apple iPod holder on the center console. And check out that 9-speaker Boston Acoustics stereo system: the hatch-mounted speakers fold out so you can have sounds while chilling with your suitably envious friends!

The rear seatback is split 60-40, and the front seat also folds forward. With just the rear seatback folded forward, you’ll be rewarded with a flat load floor that nearly matches the capacity of a compact SUV. For a weekend bike race, I was able to load my bike with the front wheel removed, a small cooler, two gym bags, one wheel bag, and I was still able to leave some space for a friend. Nail-eating looks aside, this car would be at home scooting to work, to the beach, to that bazaar just across town.

 The versatility of an SUV in a small front-drive car with the attitude of an M1 Abrams tank? Think of it as the car that a domesticated John McLane would use for Die Hard 5: The Battle Against Deodorant.

THE GOOD

• Hairy-chested swagger.

• SUV-like ride, space, and versatility.

THE BAD

• SUV-like handling.

• Small-caliber engine.

• Poor all-around visibility.

THE VERDICT

• A practical, high-end compact for those who miss the attitude of a big SUV.