Friends and Strangers

With apologies to Dave Grusin — perhaps the single most influential pianist in this writer’s life — the title of this particular installment of Backseat Driver was not inspired by the jazz maestro’s sweeping 1979 masterpiece. Rather, it was spawned by the sudden realization brought about by a friend’s own piece published in this paper not too long ago.

It was Sunday, October 29. An almost inconsequential, late morning drizzle and some pretty strong coffee were taking turns in helping me nurse a heavy hangover. The night before, I had attended a party where I brought along the family driver in full knowledge that an inebriated motoring section editor behind the wheel of a car would not make for very appealing headlines for this paper were something to happen to me had I gotten tanked. Thankfully and exactly because of my forward thinking, despite my expectedly intoxicated state, nothing untoward happened (it pays to not drink and drive). Still, the darn hangover refused to go away. So, face it, I did. To help myself out, I went through my regular practice of scouring this paper’s content via the Internet (www.philstar.com). Then I saw it.

"Damsel in Distress by Bernadette Sembrano," it said. Click. Bernadette, once a classmate at the University of the Philippines (U.P.) in Diliman, wrote about a U.P. homecoming story of sorts. Predictably, I was drawn to her tale. Turns out Bernadette did not exactly have the most pleasant of homecomings to our Diliman campus. She related a close call where a stranger, who appeared to be almost as drunk as I felt, loitered around her car after she had attended a late night awards ceremony at the University Theater. Now, though Bernadette was physically alone at that time, this is one woman who is never really without her wits. She recounted how she successfully got the attention of a friend from the far side of the parking lot, and got him to escort her to her car. In the end, her quick thinking had gotten her out of possible distress.

The next day, I sent Bernadette a text message, telling her how thankful I was that she was none the worse despite her close call. She texted right back, saying that it was a lesson learned — one that she hopes would rub off on others as well. Oh yeah, she’s got pepper spray packed now. But she had to get frightened out of her wits before she decided to get with the preventive safety bandwagon. Which, by writing our separate pieces, both Bernadette and I wish would not be the case with our lady readers. To her credit, Bernadette did write some pretty useful tips for women who might be potential prey for bad guys. Here, I write about some hard to ignore tips for men who might just save the potential damsel in distress, if they too keep their wits.

First off, whenever you are out with a lady, never, ever leave her to walk back into her car — or home — alone. Even, for example, if you are not taking a lady home, be gentleman enough to stand up and walk her all the way to her vehicle if and when she decides that it’s time to call it a day (or night). Your very presence wards off the potential bad guy, believe me. If you must take a lady home, on the other hand, make sure she is safely inside her home before you even drive or walk away. And leave those headlights on, while you’re at it. You never know if there is a stranger lurking around in some hidden corner. One of Bernadette’s own tips for women is to refrain from going into dark streets, alleys and unsafe shortcuts. My tip for men is to refuse to let the women go into such places alone, if they absolutely must. And to literally brighten the road ahead, if they can.

Next, while you are actually out with a lady, always stay on the side where potential danger can present itself — always. For example, I always take the side where the oncoming traffic is whenever I cross the street with a lady. I realized not too long ago, however, that even this was not enough. Remember, you have to stay on the side where potential danger can present itself. A lady friend and I were walking to my car once along a brightly-lit street Malate — which might have fed our nonchalance. With nary a care, she stood on the side nearer the road as I was getting ready to open the passenger door for her. In one fell swoop, a dude in a motorcycle wings past us, the man on the motorcycle’s backseat grabs my companion’s purse — which was exposed because it was on the side where the potential danger presented itself — and she loses everything. She loses her money, credit cards, license, house keys and the darn kitchen sink — all because I didn’t stay on the side where the potential danger presented itself. I’ve never forgiven myself for that one.

Also, for those who do have vehicles and officemates who have none, it would be prudent to lend the occasional helping hand — especially when you are forced to go through overtime together. In a newspaper setting, you see, it’s common for employees to stay way past the 7PM deadline most normal folk are used to. I’m sure people who work in call centers and hospitals go through the same odd times. During such cases, it will not hurt for you to offer the helping hand. I’ve heard enough stories of people being mugged late at night because they were alone. If you had the chance to take one such victim home — and you didn’t take it. Would you be able to live with the fact?

Often our lives are dictated by our professional commitments. If, by some chance, you are obligated to live by those commitments, going the extra few miles (sometimes literally) will not hurt. I would rather take home a co-worker, use a couple of those precious liters of unleaded, after a late night closing or an event, for example, and risk my wife’s ire — and/or an officemates’ own partner’s for that matter — than have a lady officemate go home by herself. The very thought just doesn’t sit well with me.

Responsible motoring is not contained to simply knowing the road rules and keeping your cars in tip-top shape. It also has a lot to do with being proper drivers — and passengers. And eventually with being proper people. Then again I might just be nit picking. Maybe the driver in me simply refuses to give the passenger in others a tough time. Maybe I just want to keep my friends from unnecessary encounters with strangers. Maybe I’m just forcing the issue. The bottom line, however, is that by doing my own little thing as a responsible male motorist and pedestrian, I’m hoping I can contribute to keeping road-related mishaps to a low.

Here are some Backseat Driver comments and questions from last week.

Is the seatbelt law still in effect or is it enforced only on private vehicles? — 09176290974 (The seatbelt law encompasses all vehicles with four wheels or more. If you will ask why some PUVs do not abide by the ruling, then they are obviously breaking the law.)

Ford brought the Duratorq engine here. Why hasn’t GM brought in their Duramax enggine to compete with the common rail engines available here? — 09274256909 (Because the GM entity in the country does not bring in Asia-specific trucks and SUVs. Instead, their efforts are geared towards bringing in passenger cars like the Optra and the Aveo.)

I so wish there would be a law against installing loud@$$ sound systems on PUJs. My ears rattle every morning with subwoofers loud enough to wake the dead! — 09163511948

There should be legitimate tests done before issuing drivers license restrictions and before allowing riders to take to the streets. — 09197491629

What the scooter riders and tricycle drivers need is understanding of motoring rules and regulations. Most don’t even have licenses. — M. Sunico, Caloocan City

Good day sir. Bravo. Nicely said about those undisciplined bikers. I hope nothing bad happens to them if they do continue to break traffic rules or ride recklessly, because riding a bike is no joke. Just a small mistake could have you ending up God knows where. Well, if you’re lucky, you’ll just have scratches and can go straight home, but if not, you could end up in a morgue. By the way, thanks for the address of Mr. Lito Galvez. — 09209274135

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