The kiss and the slap

Here is an old story. The soldier and his General boarded a train and proceeded to occupy seats opposite a beautiful girl sitting next to her grandmother. After the train pulled out of the station, it entered a tunnel. In the darkness of the tunnel, the entire compartment heard two sounds. One was the sweet and familiar sound of a kiss, and the other was the resounding thud of a slap.

Immediately, perceptions ran rampant throughout that compartment. When they got out of the tunnel and visibility was restored, they see a strange quizzical look on all the four passengers.

* The General thought that his soldier had taken the kiss, but wondered why grandma had slapped him.

* The grandmother thought it was not nice of the young man to kiss her granddaughter, but was delighted that she had slapped him.

* The young girl found it flattering the young man thought her pretty enough to kiss, but wondered why grandma had slapped him.

* The soldier was the only one who knew the truth. In that brief moment of opportunity, he grabbed the kiss and hit his General simultaneously.

In the pursuit of success, fame, and the search for significance, we sometimes get the kisses and the slaps mixed up. We get confused because, in striving for success, we get tempted by gaining quick results and compromising ethics and decency. The voice and obsession with success are louder than the gentle pull and whisper of conscience and morality, which is more subtle than you think.

A mid-level manager considered a “Hi-Po” works hard and delivers results with eyes focused on the promotions towards a higher leadership position. There is nothing wrong with this kind of ambition, and I have encouraged and trained people to shoot for this goal.

The problem is when the aspirant is obsessed with being promoted. They begin to manipulate people and events, breaching proper conduct and ethics to get the promotions at the expense of others. Then the kiss of the promotion was obtained through the slap of others, and that is not a good thing.

Apply the same principle to business people. “How often have you experienced people you trusted in your business betray your trust?” When I ask this question in my training and webinars, you should see the many hands raised, crying emoticons inside the chatbox, and people shaking their heads.” It is a familiar story.

While these people started well and presented a persona of trustworthiness (kiss), they secretly possess the drive to own their own companies. And pretty soon, they compromise, cheat, lie, steal accounts and databases, backbite their employers and even sabotage the company to set up their own companies and compete against their former employers who trusted, supported, and trained them? (Slap). These are stories that will never end. And make no mistake, they might even succeed in their quest and means, but would it not be possible that they would experience a slap one day as well? We will never know. And here is the funny thing. Every time these people meet their former employers whom they have cheated on, they run away and avoid their gaze.

One day, I posted this material in my digital space: “A good outcome does not make wrong actions acceptable. Don’t excuse what you do wrong because something good comes out of it. If you compromise, you cannot be proud of what you did. If you do something unethical, you lose dignity.”

My favorite definition of the word dignity comes from my favorite philosopher Dr. Dallas Willard who defined dignity as “Worth Without Substitute.” One of the most important lessons I have learned in life and business is not to burn bridges, the bridges of relationship, trust, and respect. These become intellectual capital for business longevity. After formally resigning and turning over my responsibilities as GM of a famous clothing company, I would make a casual visit to my former employers and bosses, and we would have a friendly chat. They would fix me a cup of coffee or tea. And when over the following years my business grew, they would be the ones to say with pride that I learned the ropes from them, which I acknowledge as accurate and true. (Kiss without the slap). Relationships are intact, trust is maintained, and respect preserved. There is the kiss, and there is a slap. Make sure we do not get them all mixed up.

(Francis Kong’s podcast “Inspiring Excellence” is now available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or other podcast streaming platforms.)