Money, fame and death

There’s no lack of stories on death and dying these days.

We hear, for instance, the story of a father, 52-year-old Eddie Esto, who, says Getty Images, spent a day looking for his two dead sons Abner, 32, and Edward, 25; another day to look for money to pay the funeral parlor for the release of his sons’ remains; and a long night to look for coffins and burial clothes.

His sons, members of the Dumagat tribe of Rizal, were among the so-called Bloody Sunday deaths of Filipino activists that fateful Sunday of March 7.

Eddie, together with friends and relatives, spent a long night trekking up the mountains of Rodriguez, Rizal to bring the remains of his sons to their final resting place in their village.

This just seems like a scene from a Shakespearean tragedy – dark, sad and brutally heartbreaking.

Death, indeed, comes like a thief in the night. Rich or poor, there’s no escaping it, and when it comes, the grief that follows knows no bounds.

From the mountains of Rizal, we also hear another story of grief, this time from high society, from the country’s richest family, no less.

Tycoon Henry “BigBoy” Sy Jr., the eldest son of the late retail magnate Henry Sy, Sr.,  lost his eldest daughter, 29-year-old Jan Catherine Sy, last March 18. She died of a medical condition that later led to “septic shock.”

It’s easy to think that billionaires only care about money and how to make more money. But in times of grief, they, like everyone else, also find themselves devastated beyond words.

BigBoy says so:  “I cannot begin to explain the extraordinary turn of events that struck my family. All I can say is it has broken me.”

In his eulogy made public last Sunday, Sy says he still cannot grasp why this happened.

“At this moment, I cannot see and understand why the Lord took her home at this point in her young life, but God’s message to me these past few days is clear – to trust Him.

With all my heart... not to lean on my own understanding, but in everything and all my ways, to acknowledge Him,” says Sy, who is a member of the Christ Commission Fellowship.

Money, relations, prestige

BigBoy, as his friends call him, is known in business circles as effortlessly charming and outgoing, different from his more quiet and reserved siblings.

He is chairman of SM Prime Holdings, the listed property giant of the SM Group.

If you chance upon him in public, you will most likely see him surrounded by people. He gives everyone a minute of his time, whether you’re a journalist squeezing an ambush interview or a star-struck employee of the Sy-owned empire requesting for a selfie.

His daughter’s death changed him immensely, he says.

Sy confesses that before all of this he was “a proud man focused on three things of this earth – money, relationships and prestige.”

“Money, which was always my main concern; relationships, perhaps my  intense attachment to my family was also another form of idolatry; and prestige – I took pride and satisfaction in accomplishments and being the best at what I do,” Sy says.

In this difficult time, BigBoy thanked everyone for the outpouring of love and support, including the doctors and medical teams.

“Many of you responded to the timely need for transfusions over and over.  For this, we are deeply touched and grateful,” he says.

Sy remembers his daughter with pride.

“She took care of us, her parents, as most young people do, especially of our health and well-being, our IT needs,  and driving for us whenever needed, making sure we exercised as she skated beside us on our daily walks. She bought us bikes and helmets, encouraged us to swim, herself being such a disciplined health buff and athlete.  She nagged us to eat healthy and sleep early,” he says.

As a final note, he asked for continued prayers for him and his family.

Two fathers

I can only imagine the grief of Eddie and BigBoy, two fathers from starkly different sides of life. I offer my deepest condolences to them and their families. The one thing they have in common now is that they both lost a child; a daughter for BigBoy, two sons for Eddie.

Death truly has been called the great equalizer. Not even all the money, fame, and power in this world can stop it.

Tycoon Ramon Ang, who also lost a son around this time last year, says there’s really no telling when death will come for anyone, whether you’re rich or poor, young or old.

“Nobody is exempted. When it’s your time to pass your papers, you just have to pass your papers,” he once said, pondering on death and mortality in the time of COVID-19.

As Murakami said, “death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.”

But while death is an equalizer, the indescribable journey of carrying on with life following a loved one’s death can never be the same for the rich and the poor. Both will grieve and both will be devastated beyond words, time will stop and life will come to a standstill but ordinary folks will still have to worry about making a living.

Iris Gonzales’ email address is [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @eyesgonzales. Column archives at eyesgonzales.com