Between joy and happiness

There was a survey taken years ago that revealed a finding that I will never forget.

It was a survey taken from parents of both western and Asian countries. The question asked was:

What would you like your son to be when he grows up?

In general, the results were:

Westerners: “I want him to be happy.”

Asians: “I want him to be successful.”

I gave this a lot of thought when I was still a young man, and I decided that regardless if my children are happy or not, I would want them to be successful.

My three kids are all grown up now and are doing very well with their chosen career and business. Though they were not “happy” as I drilled into them the importance of character development, integrity and the discipline of hard work, one thing for sure is they are all in all very happy, and so are their parents.

To be happy should not be an end goal. There are many people who live promiscuous lifestyles with messed up relationships who would claim that all they wanted is to be “happy.”

Teenagers rebel against their parents because they simply want to be “happy?”

How many marital relationships are destroyed because the famous soap opera line that echoes in real life says, “But, I deserve to be happy….”

So being happy may not necessarily be an end goal to consider.

A simple line that packs a lot of wisdom from Zig Ziglar many years ago shaped my concept on happiness and joy. Ziglar says: “There is a difference between joy and happiness. Joy is what comes out from the inside, while happiness depends on ‘happenings.’ ”

That one statement did it for me and has changed the entire outcome of my life today. Happiness is elusive and should not be an object of pursuit; happiness simply is a by-product of living life correctly.

Joy for me is writing, speaking, training and sharing ideas that may be of use and of help to other people. Happiness happens to me when I have done my job well.

The first one comes from the inside, the latter comes as a by-product or an outcome. Which brings me to challenging you with this question:

What gives you joy? Pause for a minute and think.

Is it the things you have? Is it that brand new European car? Maybe, it’s that project you’re working on and you could smell success only a mile away and are moving in for the kill? Or probably, it’s something else?

One way to understand this is that each person’s concept of happiness depends on each person’s stage of maturity. In his book entitled “Live Like a King,” Warren Wiersbe hit it right on the head by telling us what happiness is and how different kinds of people achieve it.

“At some point in life, each one of us must decide what is his highest joy; for the thing that delights us directs us.

Generally speaking, a child finds his delight in what he has.

A young man delights in what he does, and an adult in what he is.

The first lives for possessions, the second for the experiences, and the third for character. We do not condemn the child or the youth for so living because neither have reached maturity; but we would certainly wonder at an adult who loved on those lower levels.”

How true, isn’t it? Certain people I know are no longer young yet both their minds and attitude resemble that of a 10-year-old. Always seeking out things that can make them happy. Toys for the big boys, and then happiness starts fading the moment their latest toys begin subjecting themselves to depreciation.

Many people I know are driven. Their job, their career, or the projects they’re working on mean everything to them. This is why the moment they fail in their jobs, they feel like they’re good for nothing. Their value and worth is equated with what they do and how they do it. Their happiness dissipates once their project is completed and they will have to look for their next “fix.”

But people who are mature enough find happiness not in the things they possess, nor in the things they do. They find happiness in “being,” not by “doing.”The mature person occupies himself or herself with doing the right things and doing things right. He or she becomes right and experiences the joy welling up from the inside. Happiness is an outcome.

Live life correctly. Be productive and be an inspiration and a blessing to others. Here is a simple formula: love God, love others. As The Scriptures would say, “In God’s presence, there is fullness of joy.”

Experience joy that is enriching this new year and for the years to come.

Trust me, then and only then will you experience true happiness not coming from the “happenings” but as a result of joy that wells up from the inside.

(Enjoy an evening of fun, music and laughter as Joe Mari Chan, Richard Poon and Francis Kong present great music, laughter and words of encouragement on love, life and relationship this Jan. 29 at the Fairmont Hotel entitled: My FUNny Valentine. For tickets and inquiries, contact Jem at +639985566416, or Abbie Flores at (02) 4649256 or write to [email protected])