A way with words

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum shatters the peace. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.  

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.

“Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”  

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose.”

So I guess that took care of business.

Kids. We just have to deal with them with the right words.

Some parents get so exasperated with their kids and the way they behave. This becomes apparent as you hear their conversations taking place.

One father said, “My son has a new nickname for me: Baldy. And so I told him, ‘Son, I’ve got a new word for you: heredity!’ “

One father complained that his son is at that age where he’s got to be cool.

“Dad, can you drop me a block away so I won’t be embarrassed?”

“You want to be really cool, walk the five miles!” said the dad.

Being cool means knowing the names of the latest bands.  There is a band – no I’m not making this up – named Garbage.

“Son, what is that garbage you’re listening to?”

“Hey dad, I didn’t know you were that cool!”

“What is that crap?”

“No dad, Crap opened for Garbage.”

“Son, this is madness!”

“Dad, Madness broke up over a year ago!  You’re really not so cool.”

How could the father know that all those ugly words pertained to the names of different musical bands?

One father has just about given up. He says, “My son’s got in-line skates and a skateboard, and now he wants a BMX bike. And so I told him, ‘Son, if you want to die let me kill you; I save money and we both get something out of it!’ “

When I’m tired, and I’m running low on patience, that’s when I make sure that I am extra careful with the words I use with my kids. One incident never left me. Bryan came to me with a red mark on his report card. Every vein and artery within my system began to boil and were about to blow up. How easily could I have said, “You’re a big fat failure.” Boy, I was that close to saying it. But out of the mercies of God I said instead, “Bryan, I am absolutely disappointed with what you did and what you failed to do. But I have my full confidence that you can do better, and I know you will.”

So what happened there? Well, I separated the event from the person, the sin from the sinner. Telling him to his face that he was a failure carried the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and then I would have to regret that for the rest of my life. No. I don’t want to.

I’d rather admonish, affirm, and encourage my children, because I want them to grow up confident, secure and strong knowing that their dad will be there behind them every step of the way.

Parenting is not easy, but then every experience is a learning process. Funny, but I had to be a parent to understand what my own parents have been saying all along. And mind you I’m still learning. Really I am.

(Mark your calendars. Francis Kong will team up with renowned speaker and author Krish Dhanam on May 15 in a whole day seminar entitled Achieving Peak Performance at the EDSA Shangri-La Hotel. For further inquiries, contact Inspire at 09158055910 or call 632-6310912.)