Why people lie

Have you ever been deceived? I have been.

Have you ever been swindled? Me too.

I’ve been in business for so long I thought I could easily spot deception. But I’ve deceived myself.

How many times have we told ourselves to give a person the benefit of the doubt, only to have our doubts confirmed and the person walk away with the benefits? Then we hate ourselves for allowing it to happen. We need to look at ourselves in the mirror and figure out what’s keeping us from spotting that friendly phony. We need some think time to study why a cheating partner, lying bosses and “frenemies” are part of our eco-system.

In the book You Can’t Lie to Me, author Janine Driver presented some very interesting observations. Janine said that sometimes people lie to protect other people’s feeling, and sometimes people lie to benefit themselves. “Oh that was a very delicious cake you baked, Tita Barbara!” one says, although the cake wasn’t that delicious. This is because the person doesn’t want to break the other’s feelings. Others are less honorable. “Oh, I had to bring my client to that expensive restaurant,” says the sales agent, when the truth is that he brought his entire family there and charged the company for the meal. And then there are people who lie, but guilt would be written all over their faces, while chronic liars can say the untruth with a straight face.

According to Driver, a highly sought-after keynote speaker, and the go-to expert in lie detection and body language for the media, FBI, CIA and International Chiefs of Police, people tell lies for a million personal reasons, but most boil down to one of three essential needs:

1. To protect the self;

2. To avoid tension and conflict;

3. To minimize hurt feelings.

She declared that every person lies. So why is it difficult to detect it? Again, there are many individual reasons, but they, too, boil down to three realities:

1. Many of us don’t want to know the truth.

2. Many people are really good at covering up lies.

3. Most are looking for the wrong deception signals.

Do you know that, even in the way they lie, there’s a major difference between the rich and powerful, and the poor? The rich and powerful people lie because they’re focus on rewards; poor people lie because they’re afraid of the costs or a loss.

I’ve worked with business people who would lie through their teeth to get what they want. And I’ve confronted people who have violated company rules and policies, and who still chose to lie despite the overwhelming evidence because they’re afraid of the consequences. Either way, lying isn’t right or acceptable.

Scriptures say, “Honesty guides good people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people.” (Proverbs 11:13) Lying destroys relationships, it destroys trust, and worst, it destroys character.

Don’t lie for a possible reward or benefit, and don’t lie because of fear for a loss. Just be truthful, be consistent, and speak the truth all the time. The more we tell the truth, the harder it’ll be for us to lie. And this ain’t no lie.

(Spend two whole days with Francis Kong as he facilitates the well-acclaimed Dr. John C. Maxwell Program “Developing The Leader Within You” on June 18-19 at the EDSA Shangri-La Hotel. For further inquiries, contact Inspire at 09158055910, or call 632-6310912 for details.)