Heard or hard?

Sometime ago, my friend Che Yaneza invited me to do a talk for their officers and staff. I enjoyed very much my time with them. Che is with the HR of the very respected media company Mediacorp of Singapore.

They booked me in Fairmont Hotel, which has “We turn moments into memories.” for their tagline. I ponder now on this.

There are particular moments in life that come and become memorable experiences. I call these moments defining moments.

A defining moment is the decision a person makes or an action he or she takes that creates a great impact on his or her family, career and/or life in general. It may also refer to a major event that deeply affects the person. It is a moment that shapes individuals and sets the trajectory for next-steps and events. It doesn’t always immediately yield a positive outcome. For many of my defining moments, the positive outcome became evident and felt only in the long run.

Defining moments become unforgettable memories. I remember a conversation with marketing guru Martin Lindstrom where he called such strong, high-impact and dramatic moments somatic experiences.

These moments never leave you. For instance, do you remember where you were or what you were doing on September 11 of 2000? I certainly do. I distinctly remember I was having breakfast in IHOP in Vallejo California and was on my way to do a whole-day training for a food company when my daughter called me and broke the news. It has been years, but I could still remember details like the round table facing the window and the pancakes I was eating when the thing happened. These are somatic experiences.

I am sure you have your own such moments. These moments are defining moments – and learning moments for us as well.

Sometimes, our most significant learning experiences come not from our successes but from our failures. And many of us don’t recognize these defining moments while they’re happening, not until after some time has passed and we look at those on hindsight. It is only with the passage of time that we are able to see how certain decisions and judgments played out, and to measure their effect on us.

Defining moments often come during periods of transition. In business, it is when the atmosphere is charged and the environment is changing. An entire department that has been running up costs without contributing value needs to be dissolved, a popular executive who has not been delivering needs to be fired, a case against a person involved with unethical practices needs to be filed… At times like these, leaders step up and forward, and make their mark. At times like these, leaders make decisions that earn them the ire and/or the respect of other people.

Another kind of transition has little to do with the company or the business, but has everything to do with personal issues. These are the defining moments that happen when we look inward and begin to ask ourselves,

What do I really want out of my [professional] life?

Where exactly am I taking my family at this moment?

What gives me fulfillment? Am I really happy where I am right now?

Do I really sleep well at night? Have I hardened my heart such that I no longer care about what people say or think about me even though they may be right?

Remember: Defining moments may be moments when God is speaking, telling us to listen and change course.

A flood washes away all of our possessions. That’s God speaking.

A loss of a loved one in the family. That’s God speaking.

Investment losses, a job lay off. That’s God speaking.

Have we heard Him, or have we allowed our hearts to become hard?

CS Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures but shouts to us in our pains.”

When God speaks, we can respond in two ways: either we hear God, listen to what He is saying, humble ourselves, change course and trust Him for the outcome; or we hear Him and harden our heart, so the next time He speaks to us, it would be even harder to recognize His voice.

Defining moments should not just be kept as memories. Defining moments should be learning experiences. And we need humility in order to do that and change course as God wants us to.

Question: Have you heard from God and changed course, or have you chosen to become hard? Hopefully the answer is not the latter.

(Attend “Winning Disciplines for Success” on Feb. 24, 2012 at the SMX Convention Center. Learn best practices on business, creative, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual disciplines from the industry’s best: Butch Jimenez, Dyan Castillejo, Jeric Soriano, Paul Soriano and Francis Kong. For further inquiries, contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. at 632-6872614 or 09178511115.)