Fathers then and fathers now

I am so blessed to have a family that values Father’s Day. They always want to make this day special. Now, you need to understand, Father’s Day was both a joy and a worry as my kids were growing up. I was always afraid they were going to give me a present that I couldn’t afford.

But how could you put a price tag on love and affection? You just can’t.

I have learned to enjoy The Ilocana (the term of endearment I give to Lilia, my wife of many years) and the three kids (who are of course no longer kids but would always be in my eyes). My kids have grown up from being my children to being my friends. I think, maybe, it’s because I’ve known about the “Fatherhood Cycle” early in life. Here’s what the “Fatherhood Cycle” says about how kids view their dad at different points in their lives:

At 4 years: “My Daddy can do anything.”

    7 years: “My Dad knows a lot, a whole lot.”

   12 years: “Oh, well - naturally - Father doesn’t know that either.”

   14 years: “Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.”

   21 years: “Oh, that man is so out-of-date. What did you expect?”

   25 years: “He knows a little bit about it - but not much.”

   30 years: “Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.”

   35 years: “Let’s ask Dad what he would do before we make a decision.”

   40 years: “I wonder what Dad would have thought about that? He was pretty smart.”

   50 years: “My Dad knew absolutely everything.”

   60 years: “I’d give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.”

And here’s a timely article I came across, entitled, The Fathers of 1900 and the Fathers of Today:

* In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, a deck, a pool, and a 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.

* In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe and make sure film is in the video camera.

* In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn’t touch Dad’s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

* In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the Wifi router.

* In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table. Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at her music class, I’m at gym, Pizza in fridge.”

Today’s fathers face greater challenges. The term “downsizing” was never heard of before, but today is a guillotine blade waiting to be dropped at a moment’s notice. Fathers in business today are struggling with 2 words that rob them of peaceful sleep: “cash flow”. Families need to recognize the heroism of fathers.

What is a father, really? Somebody wrote:

* A father is a person who is forced to endure childbirth without an anesthetic.

* He growls when he feels good and laughs very loud when he is scared half-to-death.

* A father never feels entirely worthy of the worship in a child’s eyes. He is never quite the hero his daughter thinks. Never quite the man his son believes him to be. And this worries him sometimes.

* And, while mothers cry where it shows, fathers stand and beam - outside... and die inside.

* Fathers are men who give daughters away to other men who aren’t nearly good enough, so that they can have children that are smarter than anybody’s.

* Fathers fight dragons almost daily. They hurry away from the breakfast table, off to the arena, which is sometimes called an office or a workshop. There they tackle the dragon with three heads: Weariness, Work and Monotony. And they never quite win the fight, but they never give up.

* Knights in shining armor; fathers in shiny trousers. There’s little difference as they march away each workday.

* And when Father passes away, and after a good rest, he won’t just sit on a cloud and wait for the girl he’s loved and the children she bore. He’ll be busy there too... repairing the stairs, oiling the gates, improving the streets, smoothing the way.

Try to make every day Father’s Day, minus the gifts they can’t afford.

(Get daily inspirational quotes and thoughts from Francis! Send “Inspire” to 288 for Smart or Sun subscribers and 2889 for Globe. Visit facebook.com/franciskong2 for more details.)