Handling control freaks

Ever worked for a boss who has developed over a period of time a wonderful reputation of being a “jerk”? Ever experienced being micro-managed by a control freak?

I always ask this question in my seminars: “How many among you have been offended, hurt, and negatively and permanently affected by a boss at some point in your employment life?” Every time, 30 percent or more quickly shoots up their hands into the air. I guess the remaining 70 percent won’t because they’re in the seminar with their bosses.

Control freaks are everywhere. They’re in the work place, they’re in your business partnerships, and they’re operating in churches and institutions too.

Most relationships between bosses and direct reports are hostile and adversarial. This is why there are brain teasers like:

• “What is the difference between your boss and a dengue-carrying mosquito?”

Answer: “One is a bacteria-infested blood sucking animal while the other one is an insect!”

• “What is the difference between your boss and time?”

Answer: “You can kill time…”

This bad chemistry between bosses and their people hamper good company initiatives.

I’ve known leaders who have made making other people miserable their life-long career. They micro-manage and they over control. Some of them are bombastic, while others have the charm of Jack the Ripper. They exhibit the grace and compassion of a chainsaw killer.

If you happen to be working for one, life can be a living hell. So here are a couple of suggestions for handling control-freak bosses:

1. RESPOND. DO NOT REACT.

There are some good things you can get out of the relationship. There are good qualities you can learn from the obsessive-compulsive control freak. Pick up the good stuff and learn from it. People of controlling nature are usually hard workers. Learn to compartmentalize the good you should pick up and the bad you should discard. Otherwise you run the risk of being held ransom by an emotional blackmailer.

Give the control freak the benefit of the doubt. Speak to the person in private. Choose the right words, the right time and the right spirit, and say something like this: “You are wonderful in many ways, and I am learning a lot from you. However I find that you keep trying to control and boss me around. Can you possibly control this tendency, please? I will give you my best, and I won’t let you down.”

The danger with control freaks is that, without opposition, they easily go to the dark side. And there will be no one there strong and honest enough to point out his or her sins and mistakes.

Some control freaks don’t really know how dictatorial they are until it’s pointed out.

2. STATE YOUR CASE AND DO NOT ARGUE.

You will never gain anything by arguing your case because most control freaks are good with justifying why they do what they do. They’ve been doing this for years. They have earned the world championship for being R-I-G-H-T!

So just state your case, but do not argue.

Suppose the Control Freak comes to you and say, “You know what? Why don’t you use the laptop brand I’m using? It would be better for you.”

What do you do?

Just say, “Hmmm. No, thanks. I like this brand better.”

You may not get away with that so easily. I suppose the control freak would then say, “You should get the other brand because it has better value for money!”

Just respond with, “I know, but I like this brand the best!”

The Control Freak would probably say next, “But the other brand is of a better quality and it will last longer!”

Just reply, “I know, but I just like the other brand better.”

The Control Freak might also say, “The brand I am recommending is more popular!”

Just say, “I know, but I really like this other brand.”

At this point, the Control Freak would probably roll his or her eyes at you and tell you, “You know what? Why don’t you get your brand then?”

Just state your case and do not argue

3. BE RESPECTFUL BUT STICK TO YOUR STATED POSITION.

Most people are afraid to stick to their convictions and principles, and yet they wonder why they’re always being pushed around. It’s simply because they have never stood on those convictions and principles.

In a world dictated by the dictatorial leader, you will always find a company of fearful men and women who would kowtow to the Control Freak’s every whim and wish. These men and women will never earn the respect they long for. But when you stick to your position, the control freak can argue all he wants to no avail. This eventually builds your reputation as someone with real convictions and principles. But the key here is to remain respectful while standing by your convictions. This earns respect.

4. WALK AWAY AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

When the Control Freak is obsessed with something that goes against your personal values in life, be prepared to walk away.

“What? Walk away?” you might ask.

Yes, walk away. Because it’s just not worth it.

It is not my job or your job to control the Control Freak. Those times that demands, attitudes and behaviors of Control Freaks have collided with Biblical principles and threatened to violate my personal values, I walked away. In hindsight, I can say I made the best decision during those times.

It is through Christ that God has set me free. Should I allow a jerk to take hold of my life? Believe me. I’ve got better things to do.

(Spend two whole days with Francis Kong developing your leadership skills this October 26-27at the EDSA Shangri-La Hotel. For further inquiries, contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. at 632-6872614 or 09178511115.)