My house is a mess

I really wanted to go. To be away for three days had meant turning down a couple of invitations for me to speak, but I blocked off the dates anyway so I can bring my entire family to a “family retreat” organized by the nice folks of Christ’s Commission Fellowship. This was important to me.

The three days of fun-filled activities were great. The lectures were superb, and it’s such a great feeling to be at the listening, learning and absorbing end, when most of my life has consisted of delivering the lecture on stage. All throughout the teaching and the testimonials, my one prevailing thought was that nobody grows into becoming a parenting expert.

Families have to deal with issues all the time.

For instance, there was a family preparing to do some separate Christmas shopping at the mall. Before they split up, the father said, “Let’s synchronize our watches and agree to meet in the parking lot at five o’clock sharp.” The four adjusted their respective watches. Then the mother turned to the father, and with hand outstretched said, “Ok. Now let’s all synchronize our wallets!”

Money is an issue to many families I know.

What about relatives that live with them?

A couple’s happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence of old Auntie Emma in their household. For seven long years she lived with them, always complaining, always demanding.

Finally the old lady died. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, “Darling, if I didn’t love you so much, I don’t think I would have put up with having your Auntie Emma in the house all those years.”  His wife looked at him, aghast. “My Auntie Emma!” she cried, “I thought she was your Auntie Emma!”

There are families who bear with a wealthy father’s eccentricity in agony, in exchange for the day when it would be replaced with a hefty inheritance. They too have their problems. Consider this story:

The relatives were gathered for the reading of the Last Will and Testament after the long-awaited death of the decedent.

The lawyer opened the envelope and read solemnly:

“Being of sound mind and body, I spent every last cent before I died.”

There are fathers who are extremely authoritative and controlling, always wielding money and inheritance as their whips to get their children to do what they want. On the other extreme end of the pendulum, there are absentee fathers who are just apathetic, leaving the role of leading the family to the wife or someone else. How do we strike a balance? 

My house is a mess. Our master’s bedroom is cluttered and untidy. The Ilocana has embraced the fact that the room’s current state is serving its purpose. I do corporate training and keynotes all the time, and they take me to all parts of the country, and sometimes, even abroad as well. In most instances, I will depart on the day of my speaking engagement, then fly back home on the same day. This allows me to still spend dinner with my children. This explains why my house is messy.

Rarely would our family have dinner on our dinner table. Those are special occasions reserved for times when my two daughters would prepare gourmet meals for us. Most of the time, we would have picnics in our master’s bedroom. Dinner is always a great time for us to pray together, share stories, watch a movie together, have fun and just enjoy each other’s company. No lectures, no heavy and hard stuff, and no talk about business.

My house is a mess – I kid you not. Ask for hot sauce, and we readily have it in our bedroom. The place is littered with a lot of ‘stuff’, but this is home for us. I have actually invited obsessive-compulsive and over-controlling fathers to visit my house and observe our master’s bedroom, and it has been therapeutic for them!

Here is my guiding philosophy as to why I allow it to be such: strength of character may be acquired at work, but beauty of character is learned at home.

I would rather have a messy house but a great loving home where I could enjoy dinner with my family. A Chinese proverb says, “Better a cottage where one is merry than a palace where one weeps!” George Moore phrased it so well: “A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”

I am finding it. Are you? 

(Develop your leadership skills! Francis Kong will be the lead trainer for the Dr. John Maxwell’s “Developing the Leader Within You” leadership program this June 29-30 at the EDSA Shangri-La Hotel. For further inquiries, contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. at 632-6872614 or 09178511115.)