It's not always about you

You need to talk to your boss. It’s urgent. Your recommendation needs her approval. And so you made sure you arrive at the office real early. You have a cup of coffee, you can’t even have regular breakfast because you need to rehearse your presentation and get her signature on the paper.

Then here she comes. She meets you at the elevator, looking rushed and preoccupied. She sees you and quickly glances away. You said, “Good morning!” And you waited for an appropriate response but it did not come. 

Instead, without breaking her strides with a Star-bucks Venti on one hand and an expensive leather briefcase on the other she said, “I only have 15 minutes.” Here now is my question. How would that make you feel?

Maybe you know Capoeira which is an Afro-Brazilian art form that combines elements of martial arts, games, music, and dance. Maybe you have taken up Brazilian jujitsu and this is the perfect time to try one trick on her. Your mind works fast and you can feel that familiar tinge of anger going up your spine. The truth is that many people would have instantly deflated, thinking, “She doesn’t really want to talk to me-I might as well give up right now.” And no one would blame you for feeling that way.

Many bosses have never taken a Dale Carnegie class on how to win friends and influence people and most notably many bosses have never taken my seminar on Leadership Development.

But suppose you say, “No problem. I’m prepared-I’ll make this very fast.” 

You work within the promised time. Your materials are ready and your presentation well prepared. Maybe your boss’s mood brightened, maybe she not but that is not the point. The point is that you are smart enough to realize that your boss’s mood had nothing to do with you. Because of that you are able to stay focused and on point.

Whether you’re dealing with a boss, colleague, client, customer, a friend, a neighbor or a spouse, the other person’s mood often has nothing to do with you. It takes time to educate our intellect and similarly it takes time to educate our moods and emotions as well. Our emotions will either serve us or they will shame us.

I’ve caught myself right smack in the middle of some people’s temper tantrum and I can feel the familiar creeping sensation of anger rising up my spine but I tell myself (silently of course) “Chill, Francis Chill. Do not allow another person’s mood to dictate yours.”

This is so important because so many people tend to think that other person’s mood reflects something we did or didn’t do- and this is not healthy thinking. 

It’s not always about us and it’s not always about you. Putting ourselves in the center of every situation can distract us and makes us waste time wondering what we did wrong or how we can fix someone else’s issue, when it’s not necessarily our fault or concern. 

The situation is different if we are concerned that we may have offended someone without realizing it. Be big enough to ask and apologize and rectify the situation but if has nothing to do with you, offer your support. Give your friend or colleague the space needed to deal with whatever is bothering him or her.

Everyone has a bad-hair day every now and then even for people without hair. It’s not always about you, so don’t assume it is.

(Good news! Dr. John Maxwell is coming back and he will be giving a seminar on June 23, 2009 at the EDSA Shangri-La hotel. For further inquires, contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. 632-6872614 or 09178511115)