‘Made’ in Japan

Top Eye-spy Tiger Tanaka revealed that a senior diplomatic official is facing plunder charges for allegedly collecting three times the amount of his salary by declaring an inflated exchange rate during his tour of duty in Tokyo. This character’s M.O. was to charge fellow Pinoys in yen currency to pay for services rendered, and then bloat up the current exchange rate to three times the normal when he disburses the amount to himself. An average salary for his position was $6,000, but he was getting as much as $20,000 because of the bloated exchange rate. What’s more, he didn’t have to spend for housing costs because he lived in a palatial home owned by the government, which when rented out would generate as much as $50,000. So the free living quarters plus the extra income was willingly and unknowingly shouldered by taxpayers. Ernst Stavro Blofeld couldn’t have planned it better. As they say in Japan, "When you’re made, you only live twice."

Go Westin, Old Man

Tobacco industry insiders reported that the noose is tightening on the industry. The World Health Organization (WHO) just released its report titled "Tobacco and Poverty: A Vicious Cycle" that showed how tobacco use not only causes "numerous health problems" but can also "exacerbate poverty among users, growers, workers, and nations." Cigarette firms’ marketing and sales staffs will have to be creative as most of the global agreements in WHO’s Framework Convention on Tobacco Control take effect next year. For example, Formula One race teams cannot be sponsored by the tobacco firms by 2005. Similarly, local promotion and endorsements will be affected. In fact, the supposedly most popular brand’s sales exec said that anti-tobacco laws have become too stringent, so much so that the Westin Philippine Plaza is the only hotel that they can use for their Metro promo events. Its holding firm is considering using the goodwill of the brand to branch out to clothes and hotels. For a sunset industry, there’s no other place to go but Westin, old man.

The Future Is In Silicone

There’s a scene in "The Graduate" where a family friend advised Dustin Hoffman to go into plastics because that is where the future lay. An emerging cosmetic surgeon heeded an advice to get into silicone. And boy is his future bright! Based in St. Luke’s, he gave an outlook on the growing local market for cosmetic surgery. Not many know this but Japan-bound OFWs are a close second to society matrons in the market for ventral enhancements. As expected, most clients became serial clients because they couldn’t have enough of improvements. He warned prospective clients, though, to make sure that their cosmetic surgeons hold the procedure in a hospital because in case of an emergency, clinics don’t have the facilities and their staff doesn’t have the training to handle unexpected complications. More importantly, clients shouldn’t think that they’re getting a bargain when they haggle over the procedure’s cost. Most likely, the doctor would be crimping on hiring a competent anesthesiologist and keeping the extra P10,000 for himself. A growing number of men are getting lateral anatomical enhancements, too. They also come back for incremental improvements. But this is due mostly to the urging of their mates. Healing time takes only a week at the most. The future really lies in silicone.

Daisy Got Snubbed By Donald’s Mom

In an amused response to last week’s duck tale, a leading Duckburg restaurateur-resident said that Donald and Daisy were reportedly snubbed by Donald’s domineering mum during the recent concert of an Italian tenor. This was what probably got Daisy’s gander, pardon the pun, to make her do an alleged swan song with an old flame in an out-of-town pond. It’s not a canard that Donald’s mum wants her ducks all in a row.

Spy Tidbiz: Political Goings-On

Ear-spies in this most noble and ever loyal city reported that the opponents of the representative of the third congressional district shelled out a lot to get him out of office. They spent P14-M to get him disqualified and for his wife’s votes not to get counted. In other areas, we received reports that an anti-election fraud organization called Patriots is allegedly a front group for the Left. While pretending to be a watchdog, it aims to sow dissension and create a revolutionary situation before a new president is proclaimed. Supposedly orchestrating this is the Christian National Liberation Organization, which is reported to be another underground group from the Left.

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