Young Fathers

I am at an age now and have been teaching long enough to have college friends raising their own brood and to have former students become fathers. It is always a pleasant surprise when they pop up randomly in my life. I catch glimpses of the fathers they are – some looking overwhelmed, some looking completely comfortable.

Whether it is my friends or my students, I realize that I met them first as adolescents. And it is rather disconcerting to realize that I am dealing with the same young man who at the time that I met him was still being raised by his own parents. But oh, how different his child has made him. There are still snatches of the unruly, wisecracking teenager who railed against curfews and the lack of alcoholic drinks. But he’s more concerned now, with whether his child has eaten or taken a nap. And it never leaves him, the unseen responsibility that he carries with his wife of making sure that another human being turns out good and loving. There is too that insecurity of always wondering if he’s doing it right.

Even if the studies never proved it, it is clear to see that it has become increasingly hard to raise good children in this day and age. What used to be a village collectively taking accountability for raising a child has now become a worldwide community ready to criticize and to give an opinion on everything. And so many explicit expectations of what it takes to be a man and to be a father.

The one thing that hasn’t changed though is a father’s irreplaceable presence in his child’s life. As wave after wave of young adolescents go through my classroom and as they share their brokenness and vulnerability, I have seen in a very real way, how children growing up without fathers (mothers are another story altogether) seem to have a harder time of it. There are of course a myriad of reasons why this is so and many other kinds of family setups that minimize the effects but the truth remains: a father’s love gives a child a better shot at succeeding in life.

The other thing that hasn’t changed is that there is no one best parenting style. There is no such thing as a perfect human father. Many of the fathers that I have met are simply doing the best they can. Many of them are trying to be better fathers than their own. And many of them are still coming to grips with their own imperfections for which I admire them greatly.

Which is why, perhaps, Fathers’ Day was invented. So we could, as a society, remind the men in our lives that we appreciate their sacrifices, forgive them for their flaws and love them for who they are. So here’s to the young fathers out there who are just starting out. And here’s to the not-so-young fathers out there who still feel like they’re amateurs. And here’s to the men who have to fill a father’s shoes. And here’s to my dad who always made sure that I never lacked a father’s love. Happy Fathers’ Day to you all!