Helicopter Parenting

CEBU, Philippines - Parents play a key role in the upbringing of their child. They are the ones responsible in giving utmost care and in disciplining the little one. It is their duty to protect the child from anything that can possibly harm him.

It is understandable, therefore, for parents to be over-protective of their children, like going over to the last details of what the children should eat and even on the things the children should do.

But studies have shown that too much attention that parents give to the child can affect the child's capacity to deal with everyday activities and interactions. Always hovering over the child - the so-called "helicopter parenting" - just won't do, if the child has to learn to believe in himself.

"Helicopter" parents are the type that involves themselves too much in their children's decisions and activities, in the belief that they are protecting the kids and keeping them away from harm and failure. Such parents often try to take control of all possible situations their child would be in. In the process, they may deprive their children the opportunity to develop and practice decision-making skills, independence, and self-confidence.

The possible consequences of helicopter parenting for the child are loss of trust in one's capabilities or loss of self-confidence; difficulty in coping with situations, especially stressful ones; dependency; and anxiety.

The Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc. (RAFI), promoter of Early Childhood Care and Development, advices parents to be conscious enough of their ways of caring for their children, seeing to it that they do not over-protect or impose too much on their children. Instead, RAFI suggests strategies to help in raising an independent and self-reliant child:

Teach children and let them execute the teachings by themselves. Parents have to teach their child the basic things, like changing his clothes on his own or eating without being spoon-fed. These are things the child can do by himself. Allowing him to do the basic things that he can do makes the child self-reliant.

Give children the freedom to explore. As a child has yet so much to learn and experience, parents should provide support in his journey, instead of depriving him of the chance to learn, for fear of harm or failure. The child shall be allowed to play, to be with other children. Getting dirty and tired is a little price to pay for the experience. From it, the child learns how to interact with other children, to adjust himself to the group, build relationships and camaraderie with others, and learn the value of sportsmanship and teamwork.

Be supportive to the child, but allow him to fall and stand up again. It is the inherent role of parents to be their child's guide. They must support the child's interest to be involved in certain things and activities that are beneficial and he can learn from.  Even if there is possibility for him to be slightly hurt in the experience, it may still be worth it in the sense that the child may gain the understanding that life is not always a joyride. Children get a stronger spirit if they learn to lift themselves up and stand on their own after a downfall.

Listen to the child in a crisis and give advice. As a child has only limited knowledge in life, it is natural that he may have doubts and confusions about certain things. Parents must be ready to explain things, and provide practical advice on matters that the child has difficulty in. Then, the child shall be allowed to make his own decisions and pick his own options to resolve his situation. The child shall be taught to weigh possible consequences first rather than make impulsive decisions. Most of all, he shall be taught the proper way of solving his own problems.

Do not worry too much. Over-thinking often leads only to negative thoughts. Parents normally do not need to worry when their child is at school. In most places, there are other people to take care of the child when his parents are not around with him. Life is full of risks, of course, but these are just bad possibilities that - with proper care and caution - can be avoided. Most "accidents" that a child may encounter are just so minor to worry about, and may even work positively to teach the child precious lessons.

It is the tendency of many parents to love their child too much. And parents only want the best for their children. But parental love must look forward to what is ultimately good for the child, even if it entails slight risks and sacrifices in the present.

Parents must understand that in raising their child they must nurture not only physical wellbeing, but also his emotional and social needs, which requires that he be exposed to certain risks. It takes firm resolve in the parents to learn to let go a little. A child who's always under the share of parental love will never get his share of the necessary sunlight of independent personal experience.

The mother bird lets go of her young so it will learn how to fly as gracefully as - if not more than - she could.

(References: http://lego.featured.yahoo.com;

www.parents.com; www.empoweringparents.com)